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Hello. This is new for me, but I need God's love, help, and direction. Here I go.

I am a husban and a father. I teach Music. For the past three years, life had become a little uncomfortable. I was going through trying times on my job. It had become a job and not a career. I wasn't fun any more. Besides that, my wife decided to give up her job to stay home with our son, who was 1 at the time. So for about 3 years to the present, my wife has been unempolyed. I had a second job to try and get more income in the home. We refinaced our home and got stuck with a bad morgage loan. We are currently behind over three months. The morgage is due. The taxes are due.

Last year, I began to seek God's purpose for my life. I have a Master's degree, but I really felt that the Lord was calling me to pursue my doctoral degree. I can pinpoint the exact way and experience in which I heard the Lord's leading. T make a long story short, I took a leave of absence for this school year. I had to take out a student loan. I took my family with me. Our house didn't rent and this is how we got behind. Prior to all of this,I had to take money from my 403b accounts which are also in defualt. They are past due 3 0r 4 months. Together we have three credit cards that are behind. I can't even say the amounts.

To make a long story short, once again, we are in soooo much dept. We have to live with my parents, who don't mind at all (Blessing), but my father is the only one working. He's a minister and a roll-off truck driver. Saddly, my 40 year old brother is living at home. I'm not sure if he contributes, but my guess is not.

I didn't mention that I didn't pass my diagnostics test for my doctoral degree. I have to withdraw from school...with no income. God said NO! That hurts a whole lot. I cried for about a week, at least for hours. I went through anxiety attack, also.....

It would sound like some poor decision making, but I told God that I was done being a finacial slave. Even when I was working, I couldn't susatin my family. By the way, my father is 66 and will be filling for his retirement in Jan.

I am stressed, angry, depressed, scared, lacking direction, and seeking Gods love and direction/protection. This situation is effecting my ability to function as a father and husban. I need to heal from a lot of things. At this point, I'm trying anything. I don't have health care benifits as I use to, so that I can get proffesional help. I'm praying that these 14 steps can help in some way. Please pray for me. This are a lot worse. I just couldn't write anymore. Help.......

Hello harmonizer,

Welcome to the Oasis. We are so very delighted to have you here.

So life's been tough lately huh? Sounds like you could use one of these.

I'd like to begin by saying...there is Hope...there is a way...there is Light at the end of this tunnel...His name is Jesus and He wants to help you get through this. Sometimes life seems so overwhelming especially when we feel we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders...but psssttt I have a secret...You don't have to....Jesus will carry any burden you allow Him to have...He wants to take all your cares away...He wants to help you get past this.

Financially you are struggling...I've been in your shoes....I lost everything I had once and had to completely start over from scratch...and I had to live with my parents as well for about a year until I was able to get back on my feet. Just know that this will be a time of regrouping for you...and everything is going to be ok.

Take this time to build a relationship with Jesus. Make Him top priority in your life...Jesus needs to be able to work in your life...but you have to Trust Him first and also be willing to accept His direction.

God has all these things under control. He has a plan..seek Him diligently and He will show you the pathway.

Praying for you and your family.

Welcome again, and come visit us in the chatroom.

Take care and God Bless

I am stressed, angry, depressed, scared, lacking direction, and seeking Gods love and direction/protection.

In that one sentence you have all your worries and fears and in the same sentence you have the answer to overcoming them

Brother, things dont always work out the way we hope they would. Doesnt always mean that its God saying no.. it could be Him saying Not Yet... or perhaps it was the journey rather than the destination that was most important for us.

We can sit and speculate all day long... but it comes down to this. God knows what you need. He sees beginning to end and what we are unable to fathom, God can bring to pass in a split second. Trust Him.

I in no way am trying to minimize your situation... but rather remind you that as big as they may be they hold no comparison in size or strength to our Mighty God You already know this in your heart.

Many people are struggling financially as of late... But you have something that many many others dont... you have the hope that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. You have Him to go to and His arms to fall into. You have His promises to you. You are NOT alone in this, no matter how it appears.

Stay on this path, God will not fail you

God bless you and looking forward to your posts as you continue with these steps.

Hello Harmonizer

Welcome aboard , I can't add anything to what already had been said and suggested , in fact the only thing I can do is to second each and everyone of the replies , specifically the "not yet" part .

Well , you already extended one foot on this journey , by moving the other will make it a step - closer to your healing - .

Just remember , if you would , destiny is not a destination , its a journey we go through one step at a time .

Hoping to seeing you more often , and praying for you and your family .

May God bless you and keep you , until then .

In Brotherhood of Christ our Lord
vahn

So, Harmonizer, you are into music, and thinking of being a doctor in music.
I think of how Paul says, "making melody in your heart to the Lord,"
in Ephesians 5:19 > to become a doctorate in this . . . could be what God would mean versus our trying to make things work for what we can want, but be forcing things, then wasting and tearing and stressing and frustrating ourselves > frustrating not being very melodious

This is what > I < need to do. Before I can pray for you right and offer you really right counsel, I myself need to obey the LORD in the beauty of melody of His love > His direction is in His love's melody and beauty and ruling of His peace in our hearts. So, if we are pushing and grinding our way to what we decide we have to do, we are not in Your peace and beautiful love's melody where Your leading and guiding is >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful."
(Colossians 3:15)

But what if I'm not getting this, myself? You could wait for me to get right and real with God, so I can pray for you and tell you what to do; or . . . you can not wait for me and just get with God, yourself, in His beautifully wonderful peace and discover how He leads you

I think of the couple who has worldly people so against them, and one couldn't keep her job and they could lose the house, and their lives could be caving in. Well, what were they talking about? Romance And I'm thinking, come on! But later it came to me > if this world could at any time take everything in our lives away, this can show us that right now we should do what really matters the most. We should not just be fighting and struggling against what this evil and nasty world can take away in our material lives. But first make sure we do what really does us good, of love with God and each other.

So . . . have you stopped to have your fill of love with the LORD? And spend quality time of enjoyment and appreciation with your wife and father and mother and caring for others? And first are we being pleasing to God? > "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4) I am noticing how the prayer Jesus taught us starts with "Our Father," > with *attention* to Our Heavenly Father and His love and how we are His children and can enjoy and trust Him. Prayer does not begin with *our sins* or a wish list or getting God to solve our problems . . . problems that, often enough, ones of us humans got ourselves into, and would get ourselves into, *again*, if God were to deliver us from where we are, now. So, we need how our Heavenly Father would first correct us of our ways that would *again* get us into trouble >

"Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?" (Hebrews 12:9)

So, now > I have things *demanding* my attention away from God and how You please to guide me in Your peace, gently firmly beautifully sweetly gently with rest.
.
. . . Now . . . which . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . *HangInThere* do I choose? >
.
.
*Crazy2* Satan demanding and dictating
.
.
Or . . .*sheep*
. . . . . . You, LORD our Father pleasantly and sweetly
. . . . . . . . . . . . .and wisely and caringly guiding us
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .in Your refreshing rest*ColdDrink*
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

hi harmonizer and welcome
When reading your post, I kept hearing "Overwhelmed" and I can see why.
Sometimes, when we have too many things going on, we will ask God for answers and direction but start thinking about another problem before we wait to hear the answer to the first. Or we will hear part of an answer and act on it before seeing if there is more.
Overwhelmed
I have friends that go on power walks when they want to talk to God. There are no interruptions other then the blood pounding thru your heart. Life's blood... His blood...
(One friend was complaining about her calves hurting because she ended up going 5 miles because she was so caught up in prayer)
Me? I sing and dance to Worship music but when I need answers, I go on my knees, binding the enemy and my imagination in Jesus's name and ask in simple questions... sometimes just yes or no so there are now doubts. And if I don't hear an answer to a question, I will ask a different way... to be sure I hear His answer.
And if I get an answer I don't like, I will ask what I can do, how I should pray for it. Makes it easier to just go along with God's plan instead of fighting it only to give in later on anyway.

Looking forward to seeing you during the study and in the chats.

Thank you all for the replies. To be honest, I didn't think that anyone would read my post.

Well, my wife woke me up about 5:15AM this morning to go and stand in a line for Toys for Tots. I did this last year and stood for about 4 hours!! You could only imagine what I felt like. I didn't want to go AT ALL!! But I though of my 4 year old son, my wife who has been like a firm rock through this all, and my chance to be the good husban and father.....SOOOO, I stood in line for 5 hours this year...and so it goes.

So, now you all know my situation. To be honest, both my wife and I have set our hearts and minds on seeking and operating in God's purpose for our lives. That's part of the reason why she stopped working. She's seeking to be a Christian Counselor, in Marriage and Family. We both have Master's degrees. You would think that we;d be doing better. It's just that we didn't feel like we were where God wanted us to be and do. Truthfully, I didn't believe God has us here on earth to be finacial slaves. To earn money and pay bills! That's what I felt/feel like. Sadly, this is what the world has created.

As for my docorate degree, I really didn't have a desire to pursue it. It seems that every thing was caving in on me. I wasn't happy at my school, I wasn't growing in the things that I wanted to achieve. I wasn't using all of the skills that I gained form my studies, and I wasn't making enough money to sustain my family. I felt that God was pushing my nest and making me unconfortable so that I would move and fly...BUT, why I honestly believe that he said NO. As I examined my self ad tried to put life in perspective, I realized that all I really wanted to do was work at a small college or even high school where I could just make good music and be happy. I thought that having a doctorate would allow me to be a "preferred" choice for hire. Not to mention I could "make a name for myself" and people would actually look at me and invite me to work with their students and doors that were closed to me now would be open. This all sounds true, but is it really? Does having a doctoral degree open doors for me, or does God? SOOO, I my attempt to get a clear vision of God's purpose for my life, I asked God a specific answer...God, do I need my doctoral degree to fulfill the purpose that you place in my life, to fulfill my calling?

I guest I should let you all know the last question I asked God, specifically. I asked, because I honestly didn't know, God what is the difference between adversity for the satan and YOU saying No? My guess is a No for God our father, makes you put life in perspective and look at a bigger picture? I would love help with this or any other thoughts on this if it be thine will.... God bless and I'll journey on.....

harmonizer...when I lost all I had as far as worldly possessions I gained something in return...Jesus...my walk with Him is now more important than anything. God wants this to be the same for you and your wife...why did God say No on the degree? Simple it was not His will for you. He has a plan for you and your family harmonizer, but He needs you to learn to follow His directions...and sometimes in order to get our attention He has to humble us before His grace...as He did me.

So you ask what is the difference between Satan's adversity and God saying no...well first we are selfish in the flesh...wanting what we want...this is how Satan would have us be...God on the other hand is not selfish and when He says no...He says it with the best of intentions because He sees the whole picture...and He knows what we are asking is not necessarily what is best for us...now Satan on the other hand and the things he does to us...are done in order to attack God in us. See Satan isn't attacking you and me to get to us or upset us...he is after God...and he attacks us to hurt God. There is a huge difference because God doesn't want Satan to hurt us...and that is why God is right there when Satan does do something...so He can help us get through it...God will never leave us nor forsake us.

Harmonizer...I find it a blessing that you were able to stand in that line this morning for toys for your children. God provided...whether you see that right now or not. I have had to stand in line for food before my friend...it was God's way of providing and it was a blessing...my child and I were able to eat...we did not have to go without.

Still praying for you. Keep sharing...your gonna get through this.

Take care and God Bless

Hello again Harmonizer

Glad to see you following up .
You know , at first , I had the same thought as you , as to , "who would want to respond to my call for help " , well , little that I knew at the time that it wasn't my call to come here begin with , I simply asked Him for help , and it was Him that led me here (and I am forever grateful for that , still ) See , and I trust you know , no one gets anywhere He sends us by mistake , and/or without a specific purpose , and that includes the situation we end up in to ask for His help and end up here in the first place .

I hear the good old "Me vs Good-er" going on in your "plan" for "yourself" . I myself fell for it (how else would I notice huh ?) .
I am an artist (among other things) and , like you , was happy with doing the work I was doing in my studio and paying and providing everything any good single parent would comfortably , clientele was steady with a lot repeat requests and "customers" , but .... The thought crosses my mind , Oh , by the way let me let known first , that all this was not my plan to begin with , before all that I had asked Him for directions and purpose and that's how I was able to accomplish them . So , the thought crosses my mind , that "If I could only open a gallery , I can move my studio from the house ..." So , Back to the praying-board , and poof ! There's a gallery right ?
Now here's the thing , with the gallery and my increased confidence in that it is God's will for me to prosper in this , I set out for "bigger - better " things , bigger space , more powerful computer , bigger printers , putting ads in the art communities , on and on it went .
Little that I knew at the time that it was the gallery itself took precedence over the art I was producing , and all the profit I was making was being pumped into it , yes it became an obsession ! And not only that , what I had actually done was telling God "move over , I'll take it from here" .
Well needless to say , upon taking inventory , seeing the drop in the clientele and an actual red zone in the totals column , back to God , and this time it was something like " Ok , what's up , I thought this and I thought that ...." His answer ? "What was wrong with what I gave you ? You and everyone else was happy then weren't they ? They were enjoying your work just as much as you were , the way you were . "
It wasn't until I gave up on the "Big Dream" and got back to my little studio/gallery that things got back to normalcy .

See , Harmonizer , He wants to see what He can produce through us , and not necessarily what we can produce through Him , its His plan and His plan is ALWAYS perfect , not ours to "improve" upon .

Just my own experience Iim sharing here , and I thank you for being here in order for me to do so , in the hopes someone would get something out of it .

In Christ
Luv ya

Hi, Harmonizer > in your next post, here . . . already, to me, you seem more clear and positive.

You wrote:Thank you all for the replies. To be honest, I didn't think that anyone would read my post.

I'm maybe one of the ones who likes to look into other people's business So, I need to be more caring and not so nosy and not just trying to impress people with my advice. Actually, I am finding it can be good for me to read how others are having problems, so I can understand what other people are going through, that I may not be going through, myself. So . . . thank you This can help me to realize I'm not the only person on earth, and that I need to realize others have feelings and are going through things.

Well, my wife woke me up about 5:15AM this morning to go and stand in a line for Toys for Tots.

Sounds like your wife is a go-getter and a motivator.

So, now you all know my situation. To be honest, both my wife and I have set our hearts and minds on seeking and operating in God's purpose for our lives. That's part of the reason why she stopped working. She's seeking to be a Christian Counselor, in Marriage and Family.

Oh-HO > so, she's interested in counseling! This might explain things, "a little" If we are going to counsel others, it can help that we have been through things, ourselves, so now we can understand and feel for others whom we desire to help. Like this, we have Jesus our High Priest . . . who first needed to go through things of this life, so that now He our Groom can feel for us and help us with all that got Him through it all >

"For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses,
but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin."
(Hebrews 4:15)

We both have Master's degrees. You would think that we;d be doing better.

Well, if we want to reach and share with and help others, may be we don't need to be doing too much "better" than others. Jesus lived with real people, where they were. And Paul became "all things to all men" (in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23) . . . reaching people at their levels.

As I examined my self ad tried to put life in perspective, I realized that all I really wanted to do was work at a small college or even high school where I could just make good music and be happy.

A downfall in the United States church culture is how we can be willing to settle down with what we like and stay there; but Jesus says, "'He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.'" (John 12:25)

I thought that having a doctorate would allow me to be a "preferred" choice for hire. Not to mention I could "make a name for myself" and people would actually look at me and invite me to work with their students and doors that were closed to me now would be open.

This could be trying to gain the world but losing my soul, at least emotionally. Another thing I think of > about you saying you could not use all your abilities. The main thing is the loving we can do with our abilities. As you get more into personal loving, you may leave behind certain abilities and interests; yet, at times, you may have use for them, but the loving is so much more.

In my case, I hated music . . . OH-oh and I did not take music or art in high school since I had a choice. In college . . . no way > I didn't even listen to music, but just studied. Years later, I got "saved", and was hearing the evangelistic songs of a baptist servicemen's outreach group. But I did not get into music. And I have been with storefront Afro churches with their praise music, for years. Then I spent more time with my mother, and she had a baby grand piano. I would at times pick at it . . . like a turkey And once she told me be gentle and not while anyone is in the house. Then one day it came to me something like, "Just play it, never mind how it sounds, but be beautiful inside yourself with 'the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God' (in 1 Peter 3:4), and you will see how the music sounds as you seek first to be in the beauty of melody of this spirit in your heart." After maybe twenty years of just playing without any lessons or sheet music . . . it doesn't sound like music anyone else plays > I never bonded with any music. And I've had fun playing, then asking experts what kind of music it is and whose is it They don't know, of course, but ones say they like it.

But my music is for loving; so if it does not seem to fit with what is going on, I'll not play even for weeks or more. It doesn't matter what I can do. It needs to fit in with the reaching and loving that is going on. So, this may be an example of what I mean by how an ability at times needs to take a back seat . . . and even rest.