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I know so much about the grace of God and i know of my salvation and all that, but to tell you the absolute truth growing up in the environment that I did where my dad kept telling me if I did something then I was not a christian a real life example is when I laid down on the couch and he said that if I was a real christian I would not do that. Even though I am thirty years of age every single mistake brings me back to hearing my dad not just his words but his voice that if I was a real christian I would not do that. It is a problem I can not seem to conquer no matter how much I study on the grace of God that his grace does not appy to me. Which then leads the next part I can never forgive myself for anything whether it is direcly my fault or partly my fault. It is as if I ask for repentace but it never is given because it is a lead balloon that comes back into my heart again. One of the hardest is that I have never forgiven myself for being the prdogal child (will not go into that story because of the sensitive topic) and that I left God I wonder was he really waiting for me. Then right now I am fight the strongest battles because I know I am saved

This part of the post hit me hard

God's Grace reveals that if you TRULY believe in Jesus, you would know that He loves you so much, that He was willing to die for you, and did. You will WANT to do what He wants you to do, because you would know that He is looking out for your best interests. You will try hard not to do things that would make Him ashamed or disappointed in you. You may fall, but always remember that only a worm is free from the worry of stumble and the real test is to see if you'll get up, dust yourself off, carry on and never surrender.

As time passes, you'll find that you begin to make the right choices, out of love ...

Not fear of punishment.

It will be your FAITH that establishes your WORKS.

because I wonder if I will always be stuck in the state of never grasping God's grace and never be able to pick back up.

The other part of the post talks about losing the faith and that the tribulations which seem to come to me at all times and in worse and worse capacities I have no idea how God can use them so I am in a lot of doubt about it.

I am so stupid this should be an easy stepping stone but it is so difficult.

my dear my dear my dear...you think that you are not progressing..but you are, everything positive that you study, ever programme that you do, is doing something,nothing is wasted in God.

His word is going in, don't you know when we go to the doctor, or go for surgery, we come out feeling worse? thats because what ever the problem is, has been opened up and exposed for what it is, then the they do what they have to do, do make it heal...sometimes even cutting, but then comes the healing, for a time it can be more painful than when we first went to the doctor, or surgeon, so its like that a little in the spiritual, the problem is exposed thats holding us in prison, causing the pain...and it hurts at times, as the healing takes place...

but give it time, healing upon healing, remember all this stuff can be over years of abuse, and stuff, so sometimes it takes a time to come out the other end.

one thing is ..you will come through, hang on to Jesus....cry to Him to hang onto you through it all,
He loves you so dearly bisonfan..so so much...He wants you to be free, can you believe that?

just relax in Him, and don't try to make things happen
He loves it when we talk things out with him bisonfan

bison Something I want you to know, is that when it comes to God's grace and love it is unconditional. Yes this can be difficult to understand, especially when we are holding things against ourself and have not yet forgiven them. We might wonder how can God forgive us when we can't forgive us. The answer is simple, because He loves us. In fact, we don't have to think or understand God's grace to receive it. We just have to be willing to accept His grace, and forgive ourself.

I know that you've been hurt by your dad in the past. Especially when he would use your Christianity against you in a discplinary manner. The truth is, Christianity is not a discipline...it is a love. It is of God. Forgive your dad for the things he did to you sis, to put you in this state, and then you will be free from the fears of what he would say to you.

Keep doing the steps sis. Don't try to think too much, be willing to accept, despite understanding God's grace and love or not.

Take care sis.

luv ya

Hello Bisonfan,

God bless you this day. You have gotten some awesome encouragement and some blessed truth here. Receive it.

Amen Ljd. Just like in Zechariah 3:3-4
(3) Now Joshua was clothed with filthy garments, and stood before the angel.
(4)And he answered and spake unto those that stood before him, saying, Take away the filthy garments from him. And unto him he said, Behold, I have caused thine iniquity to pass from thee, and I will clothe thee with change of raiment.

We have The Holy Spirit living inside of us. We have been given an guardian angel. Our Lord loves us, and He wants us to know that despite our outward worldly flesh, He has caused our sins to pass from us, and He will clothe us with change of raiment.

Therefore Ephesians 5:22-24
(22) That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
(23) And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
(24) And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

Do the happy dance. He loves you and He has given you a new life. Live in that new life.

God bless you.
Love,
Mack

Thank you all for the encouragement. God did show me his loave today and told me that it was just for me. so i do I need to not over analyze and just accept. thanks

Amen sis amen

luv ya