Bisonfan again day 3
Posted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:30 am
I know so much about the grace of God and i know of my salvation and all that, but to tell you the absolute truth growing up in the environment that I did where my dad kept telling me if I did something then I was not a christian a real life example is when I laid down on the couch and he said that if I was a real christian I would not do that. Even though I am thirty years of age every single mistake brings me back to hearing my dad not just his words but his voice that if I was a real christian I would not do that. It is a problem I can not seem to conquer no matter how much I study on the grace of God that his grace does not appy to me. Which then leads the next part I can never forgive myself for anything whether it is direcly my fault or partly my fault. It is as if I ask for repentace but it never is given because it is a lead balloon that comes back into my heart again. One of the hardest is that I have never forgiven myself for being the prdogal child (will not go into that story because of the sensitive topic) and that I left God I wonder was he really waiting for me. Then right now I am fight the strongest battles because I know I am saved
This part of the post hit me hard
because I wonder if I will always be stuck in the state of never grasping God's grace and never be able to pick back up.
The other part of the post talks about losing the faith and that the tribulations which seem to come to me at all times and in worse and worse capacities I have no idea how God can use them so I am in a lot of doubt about it.
I am so stupid this should be an easy stepping stone but it is so difficult.
This part of the post hit me hard
God's Grace reveals that if you TRULY believe in Jesus, you would know that He loves you so much, that He was willing to die for you, and did. You will WANT to do what He wants you to do, because you would know that He is looking out for your best interests. You will try hard not to do things that would make Him ashamed or disappointed in you. You may fall, but always remember that only a worm is free from the worry of stumble and the real test is to see if you'll get up, dust yourself off, carry on and never surrender.
As time passes, you'll find that you begin to make the right choices, out of love ...
Not fear of punishment.
It will be your FAITH that establishes your WORKS.
because I wonder if I will always be stuck in the state of never grasping God's grace and never be able to pick back up.
The other part of the post talks about losing the faith and that the tribulations which seem to come to me at all times and in worse and worse capacities I have no idea how God can use them so I am in a lot of doubt about it.
I am so stupid this should be an easy stepping stone but it is so difficult.