Bisonfan again day 1
Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 11:53 pm
Yesterday I was released from the hospital because of severe suicide ideaation and being bioplar my meds were so screwed up it was unreal. I really did not want to go but friends encouraged me to go. So here I am still struggling with the problems of this world, I am so afraid that I will have to go back in again and relapse because this is the thrid trip in 2 years, there have been numerous er visits where no beds avialable and have lost two jobs because of mental illness. My heart is in so much pain and fear. I want to go back to God and rekindle the fire I once had but it feels that it is burned out. My goal is to come back to God and have a passion that runth over. I think one of the hardest things is that I am way to hard on myself and think I am not deserving of God's love. I am a christian but I wonder if God really would have done that all for me. I have begun praying and listening to christian music, and reading my bible so hopefully the actions become the passion.