vahn wrote:Hi Roberta
My name is vahn and I'm a recovering alcoholic and a drug addict,
Does that line sound familiar ? Well if it does, welcome aboard . I know exactly what you're going through, "cause I'd been there. reading your post, seems you have multiple issues going on at the same time, withdrawing from one addiction going to another, regardless, withdrawal from Clonzepam is a very seriuos condition & shouldn't be done w/o any supervision, your Dr gave you a good choice with rehab, for usualy they offer detoxification first & then you make a decision wether to stay or not,
I'm not, by all means, giving you medical advice, rather , having gone through self detox , I would not wish that to my worst enemy.
How biblical is a 12 program ? As biblical you want it to be. It led me here ! But Roberta , Fist things First .
But I was fine. I came to the Lord in 1994. I was 29 years old. I was eventually reunited with my birth mom and forgave her for abusing and abandoning me. I'm still a little peeved at the state of SC for yanking me from her and putting me with even more abusive foster parents and orphanages. I found it interesting that they let another abusive family adopt me. But I forgave my adoptive parents as well. I had come to Christ so none of that was to matter anymore. When you get saved you're supposed to forgive and forget. The past is dead and buried and it can't be changed anyway.
In late 2004 I was at my OB/GYN's office because something was wrong. I figured I was going to have to have a hysterectomy. No big deal. I had my tubes tied in 1993, after the birth of my fourth child. She kept asking if I was OK. I told her I was fine. I have never been one of those weak women who just burst into tears. She prescribed antidepressants for me and gave me the name of a psychiatrist. Well, I had no need for the drugs or the shrink. However, I did take the medication. When I went back in for a routine check-up a few weeks later she asked me how I felt about the loss of the baby. I told her I was fine and I would take antidepressants but didn't the psychiatrist. I told her that women loose babies all the time and Christians have no reason to have depression, so I would only use the medication for a few more weeks.
I went home and very methodically tried to commit suicide. It probably would have worked if a friend of mine hadn't dropped by. She was an RN. She informed me that I either went to ER with her or she would call the police and have me taken in that way. Well, I didn't want to embarrass my family in small-town Indiana. Also, since my then husband and I were heavily involved in the jail ministry, it just would not look right at all. I went willingly.
While there it was discovered that I had a panic problem. I'm glad that was discovered because it meant that all those times I thought I was dying, I was really fine. That is when I was introduced to Clonozepam. I wound up seeing a doctor who thought that Clonzepam was great. He prescribed a lot of it for me. I worked at Wal*Mart. I was friends with most of the people who worked in the pharmacy. My friends kept warning me about the Clonzepam. But what are you supposed to do when your doctor just keeps giving you more? I begged him for something else because I knew the risks. He told me over and over that the fact that I was questioning him so much was a sign that I need more Clonzepam because I was paranoid.
A short time later in my 12 step support group I confessed to an affair that happened a week or so earlier. The woman who was leading the group was also the same RN friend who had foiled my earlier suicide attempt. I let her talk me into going into a BHU that was no where near where my psychiatrist was. They cut me down to 2 mgs. of Clonzepam a day and put me in a room right across from the nurse's station. My psychiatrist was the only one in the area who took my insurance. He soon had me back up to the same dosage as before. I stopped seeing him and just started going to my family doctor. My family doctor did the same thing.
I left my husband and moved to CA. This doctor has been very nice to me and is working to get me off of the Clonzepam entirely. It's not fair that I have to go through all of this. I didn't want to be on it to begin with and I don't think I should have to pay for the mistake of a quack in IN!
I'll probably never drive a car again, hold down a job, be a normal weight, have normal reflexes or even have the thick long hair I used to have all because of this quack!
Quite frankly, I think my current doctor should be proud of me. My abusive soon-to-be-ex showed up out of the blue on my door step. He didn't call or anything. He came from IN to CA without even telling me he was coming. He was here for over a week and I never took one single drink.
Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:58 pm
