daviedoozer,
My prayers will be with you and your wife. I want to offer to you, that the Oasis has a virtuous woman study. I'm doing the study now. Maybe you could print this study off for your wife to do, it consists of reading a step and doing a journal. Similiar to the counseling study, but this instead will really help her understand what a woman needs to be in her marriage.
http://www.christianityoasis.com/Virtuo ... /Forum.htm
Something I want to offer to you, is that we all have a past. Some of them are pretty tough. When it begins to cycle back around and come to the present, then that is when you as her husband have to be there for her even more. You should be the leader of your household, so you need to live up to that. God wants you to take care of your wife. Not an easy task I know, but with the Lord it is possible.
I want to suggest that you and her sit down and do some talking. The more you ignore and push the problems away, the bigger they are going to become between the two of you. You have been married a long time, and you two should be able to get through anything TOGETHER, with the Lord guiding your path.
May the Lord be with you both.
Take care and God Bless