Christianity Oasis Forum

[dema]

You are wanting some sort of guarantee. Put it in writing Mr. God, I want a contract. And if God doesn't live up to your contract then what? You gonna sue the guy who can breathe and turn the whole court to ashes? Why does God owe you an explanation or a guarantee? God is God. You are a wee little human.

I believe that God has told us all that we can grasp and then some. Think of the contract you received when you bought a house. What do you think the contract would look like for eternal life? . Basically, the contract is, accept Jesus as Lord....

What is a Lord Kimby? What was the deal with serfs and Lords - you know that - right? Accept Jesus as Lord and you have eternal life. Believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead. Believe. Have faith. Trust.

As simple as that is there are all sorts of theological discussions about it. Once saved always saved? Churches split and split and split on the explanations we do have. What if God did fill out the Bible contract and put all the situations in it? Would anybody read it? Did you read your whole house contract? Every word?

We are mortal. God is not. The road to salvation is to accept that Jesus is this mighty ruler. And you are this little serf. The amazing thing is that in a relationship like that, we can go to God and tell him anything - and even yell at him - and he still loves us. But ultimately, the relationship is Lord and serf. We don't get to know. I truly believe God wants to tell us. We just don't handle the knowledge we have now very well as a people. We can't handle it. And so the answer is to just trust God. When you focus on God and his relationship to you and you alone, that relationship will make all sorts of sense. Reasons will appear all over the place. Wisdom and all sorts of learning will follow.

But when you try to go beyond your own relationship with God, confusion quickly sets in. Let it go and wisdom will start coming. Trust that even if you HATE what God is - that God is still God and there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing. But the good news is that he loves you. And he allows you to choose day by day, minute by minute whether to trust and obey or not.

What you want is not available. I believe that is what has made you periodically so unhappy for so long. It just is not available. Is the Bible true? Yes. It is the greatest truth there is. Will it do what you want. No. It won't.

Salvation is by faith.

[kimby]

In many ways I feel like I have just been mocked for struggling, for having questions. I don't think my questions are as ridiculous, unreasonable or as uncommon as I feel is being implied, but I feel like the student who just got called out in front of the class for asking a "stupid question."

Maybe I am just proving my stupidity by attempting to clarify myself below in hopes that there are some real solid answers out there, or at least to find out that I am not the only one who struggles.

Matthew 18:19-“Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven."

I have just been a part of a huge experience where this was not the case.

Romans 10:9-"If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

What happens if this verse is not always the case?

Hebrews 4:16-"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

What if this isn't the case always? What if there are times when we aren't supposed to come near Him or speak to Him?

That sums up what my head is trying to sort out right now.

I completely get that God is God and there is nothing I can do about it. That isn't even close to what I am seeking. I am seeking some foundation for my faith, some way to restore it to stability. People always are quick to point back to the Bible, but no one wants to discuss what happens when there are contradictions. I don't like the idea of basing faith on the parts we like and ignoring the rest. That seems foolish.

I don't believe people around the world are being martyred for a faith in which they believe what they can while ignoring some glaring inconsistencies. I think there must be some true response to that which others have found. That is the reason I ask. It seems illogical that the God who formed the universe, created the DNA that governs our life, and knows the bazillions of stars by name is going to leave gaping holes anywhere. While I realize that I am never going to fully grasp it all, or much at that, I still am actively seeking answers and knowledge and understanding. Just because a student isn't going to comprehend a bit of calculus in high school doesn't mean he doesn't ask his fourth grade teacher for help when he is struggling with long division. And hopefully that teacher isn't going to respond to his genuine request for assistance by saying, "You are never going to understand all there is to know about math. You might as well just accept that math is and not try to understand anything more."

Relationship with Him is mentioned, but isn't it the "why did you do that," "why do you think that," "what caused you to respond that way" sort of questions that cause us to know people better? Isn't that what helps us understand their thinking, their motives, their actions? In part don't we come to know people better by what others have to say about them, their experiences with that person? Wouldn't the same be true of Him? Wouldn't we know Him and His heart better as we begin to better understand the whys of His actions? We may gain factual knowledge by simple observation, but if questions are never asked, true understanding is never gained. How in the world am I supposed to become more like Jesus if I don't endeavor to understand Him better?

Dema, in response to one of your previous posts I posed the question, "Which verses are absolutely true and which are only "almost true"?" This question wasn't on my radar but you seemed to imply that parts of the Bible fell into both categories so I was intrigued to learn which you felt fell where. In the following post you responded that what I want is not available. This seems to imply to me that you feel that the Bible is not absolutely true and there is no way of knowing which parts are and which aren't. Am I interpreting your words correctly? I do not want to assume incorrectly.

[Dora]

Kimby *Hug* You seem to be struggling with in yourself to prove God or disprove God. We all go through ups and downs and have questions about Him. Many will never be answered. At least not in our life time.

I'm sorry you feel like a child being talked down to. It's so hard to share on the screen what a person is trying to express when there isn't any body language to show the care and concern the person has behind their words. Also we have an enemy that doesn't want you to find answers and so as you read he will be trying to bring conflict by poking at your feelings and so stirring emotions of pain and rejection. Please push these feelings aside as God speaks to you here. Not everyones words will be from Him. As we are human arent we.? Take what brings healing and hope and leave the rest.

I can try to answer some questions. I hope my words will not bring more confusion or frustration. I believe beyond the words on the screen and beyond the questions is something more important. It is love and acceptance. Two things you have struggled to accept for a very long time. Rightfully so given you never were given these things growing up. Not true unconditional love and not complete acceptance. Perhaps you still long for these things from your parents as we all do. You have given up on ever receiving them and so you point your disappointment and anger toward God. Not fierce anger. Just the simple anger one feels when there is pain that lingers.

It is my prayer you can let go of the questions and doubt. That you can receive Him fully despite the unanswered questions. He never hurt you. The world has but He hasn't and He wants to heal all wounds. Please don't reject Him.

You seek foundation. I find it very wise that you recognize this is missing. When the foundation isn't build when a person is a child it can feel like it crumbles when we are adults. I had a picture of my foundation being built on sand. The sand being my childhood and the lack of proper parenting I received. Above the sand was a slab of thick cement. The foundation I had built after choosing God as my Lord and Savior. I saw a layer of things on this foundation that helped to keep it secure. There was a bible, fellowship, angels. Then the solid concrete broke into many pieces. My faith was shattered and I couldn't seem to get my feet secure in the sand to begin a new foundation. In exhaustion I gave up. That's when I realized Jesus wanted to be the corner post. His feet sunk deep into the sand (my past). His body turned into a huge concrete pillar. With that ontop of the crumbled concrete I found my foundation. Through Him.

I don't know if that means anything to you. Just my mussing at my picture God had given me. I love the pictures. I love to reflect on them. I hope it helps. I think if you find Him as your corner post your foundation will be built. Don't let questions or things humans have done to you keep you from letting Him be your corner post. Or life will mean nothing. More questions and doubt will pile up until you are so lost you won't know what direction to go. Like a tumble weed in a tornado. It doesn't have to be that way. There is peace and safety in Him.

I love you so much. It is my prayer that my words bring healing and not harm. God bless and keep you.

[dema]

My husband has a degree in philosophy - and three other degrees. And one thing he told me is that the classic questions have answers that go back to the definition. If philanthropy is defined as giving for no reward, then philanthropy doesn't exist. Well, by that definition philanthropy doesn't exist. Because if nobody benefits anywhere, then why would anybody give? Presumably somebody benefits from philanthropy. At least the recipient. The philosophers make up their own definition in order to make a point. And the point is - you have to look at the definition.

And that is the underlying principal of what you ask.

What is truth? What is perfect is an even better question as far as definitions go.

One definition of perfect, the first definition in many sources, is "Meeting the standard." God is the standard. Therefore, no matter what, he is perfect. He meets the standard because he is the standard.

Reading that was another moment of revelation for me. God is by definition perfect. One does not prove definitions, they merely are. A definition is essential, the beginning, that from which other things come.

Truth is that which conforms to reality, fact or actuality. (That is another Google result.) What does that mean? What is truth?

A preacher preached that Jonah might be a fable. I don't believe it is a fable. But when I wished to put my offense into words, I realized that the truth in Jonah does not depend on whether it is historical or not. Jesus spoke in parables stating that they were parables. Could not Jonah be a parable? (I believe Jonah is true. The setting is very historically supported. I do believe in miracles. But that has nothing to do with my discussion.)

What do I believe about the Bible? I believe it is the most wonderful book ever written and the one with the most truths. Not one truth - but many, many truths. It is a book of wisdom. Do I believe it is a history book? It has a lot of accurate history in it - but it was not written as a history book. In the period in which it was written, the passage of time was given in symbolic numbers. Some numbers were considered honorable and some not. The age or time given would be adjusted depending on the quality of the person or event. A good son might be said to be 25 years old when he was really only 14 or so. The actuality of his age might not even be known. And likewise a bad son might be given a younger, prime number age. This was culturally accepted in the time that it was written. In fact, if dates and elapsed time had been given in the actual, literal terms, it would have insulted many. The culture of the time would have been very offended.

Archaeologists have proved the existence of the Philistines based entirely on the Bible. There is great history in the Bible. But using it to make a correct time line is ill advised.

And this type of thought is how I view most aspects of the Bible. Why was it written? As a spiritual guide. As a how to live book. And in that respect it serves its purpose very well. The Bible has not been written so that we can tell God what to do. In another verse, Jesus says that if we ask anything according to God's will it will be given unto us. God can see forward and backward into eternity. And God can also see the desires of the hearts - all the hearts. God's will predominates.

Also, in my studies, I have realized that a major step in our spiritual growth is to be able to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, through a place that defies us in every way, through a path that does not meet our expectations, and just trust God. Can we trust God in a dungeon, when we are dying, when our child is dying, when our grandchild is dying? Can we trust God when he does the inexplicable?

I believe that this is a fundamental part of our journey here. The verse you quoted says what you said it does. I cannot deny it. But I know from countless experiences, my own and those of others, that God will not always do what we ask - no matter what. No matter how great our faith, no matter how many people pray.

I have had three grandchildren nearly die. That alone is beyond ... why? Why in this civilized world would I have three almost die? One was miraculously not seriously hurt even though a large pick-up truck - really, really big - ran over the middle of his body. The father locked the screen door and the four year old sister unlocked it. The almost two year old ran out after his daddy and behind the truck. Dad heard the thump and knew. And he got out expecting to see that he had killed his son. I got the call and prayed on my way to the hospital. When I got there, I saw a baby interested in his surroundings with pink and wiggling toes. Praise the Lord.

The older sister was in an accident. She died. We had a vigil that lasted days in the hospital. People all over the country prayed for her. She was Christian. She believed. And she died.

A grandson from a different family drank lamp oil. He should have died. He was put in an induced coma. And we had the vigil. I was so angry at God. People all over the country prayed. He had a full recovery. No burned lungs. No permanent internal damage. He had a touch of pneumonia and two weeks later was good as new.

There were miracles with the one who died. I took the children to the fair every year. But the previous two years she had considered herself too old to go. And the year before that she hovered out of reach from me. But that year she was there waiting to go when I picked up her brother and sister. And she stayed with us a long time. That was the last time I saw her conscious. I hadn't seen her for months before that. And she also went to see her other grandmother. There were many, many footprints of God. But she died. She's gone.

Why were their martyrs? Don't you think the early church prayed and agreed as touching for the release of the saints? Don't you think that they believed with a strength beyond what we can imagine in our lives today? How does that fit in?

So why does God tell us to pray and we will receive? Because it has HUGE power. Because we are supposed to do that. Because God does give us just about anything that is positive - but not everything. And not every time. No, it doesn't sound like that is part of what it says. I'm sorry. I didn't write it. Maybe I would have put in, "If it is God's will". And maybe if it said that, people would have said, "Well, if it is God's will, why do we need to pray at all? Why bother?"

There are implications to everything we say and how we say it. Great leaders may not be the most capable, but they get the best results. They know how to put things. They know how to reach the hearts and inspire.

Kimby, you know that God is real. If there wasn't a Bible, would you believe?

[Mackenaw]

Hello Kimby

God bless you this day.

I will try to answer some of your questions, to the best of my ability, with the help of The Holy Spirit. Please forgive the lengthiness of this, and I hope and pray that what I share honors and serves God and ministers to you, Kimby. In Jesus' name I pray. God's will be done.

Since the fall of man (mankind) in the Garden of Eden, where man's act of sin against God separated man from perfect union with God, God has been reaching down from Heaven to reunite mankind unto Himself, and re-establish that perfect union.

Satan was also in the Garden on that day of the great fall, and he being full of anger and hatred (thinking himself equal to God -- see verses below) seduced man via Eve, the female, who in turn gave to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to Adam, the male. The fall began with a question posed by Satan to the woman, thusly planting a seed of doubt about Almighty God, culminating in a disrespectful action against Almighty God. The result was that man's disrespectful action which made man conscious/aware of good and evil placed a wedge between God and the created being, man, the perfect union was now no longer perfect, and man was booted from the Garden, so that he would not eat of the Tree of Life and live forever (an eternity) in that sinful state. God took pity and showered mercy upon man.

Isaiah 14:12-15
12 How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: 14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. 15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.
Satan no longer had respect for God, and dared to think himself equal to or even above God.

What also happened on that day of the fall, was that man now in his knowledge of evil, had the propensity or bent towards sin, carnality, and to behave very much like Satan...disrespect towards God, with thoughts contrary to God, a bent towards other sins as well, and even thoughts of high-mindedness and pridefulness -- perhaps to the point of believing he/she could compete against God.

That all makes me shudder. Because I know myself that in the past I have approached God in disrespectful ways, with a bitter and/or angry heart and in a proud and demanding posture. I have since asked for forgivenness, and God has forgiven me, but even the memories of it can have me shudder. Thank You Lord for Your grace.

There are several scenes in the book of Revelation that are so awesome...here are just a few: Revelation 4:10-11; 5:8-14; 7:9-12;

They each depict God being praised with respect, trust, adoration and love, deep, deep abiding love.
How does a Believer get to the place where they have those genuine emotions for God? We do so by getting to know Him, through His Word, through prayer, through constant communication with Him. We love because He loved us first, and He is doing the miraculous in us by the working of The Holy Spirit within each Born Again Christian.

Side Note: The process of getting to know God tends to go a little quicker the more dedication, obedience and consistency we are put towards the process and Him. God desires that we get to know Him, and He makes Himself available to us 24/7.

This was a huge revelation for me, because for the first 22 years of my Believer status, somehow I missed the part that God wanted me to be in relationship with Him, and I also missed the part about The Holy Spirit indwelled me and was there to guide me, teach me, and comfort me. Perhaps the reason the process was slow those first 22 years had to do with my lack of dedication, obedience and consistency. But, once I heard and/or received that blessed Truth, I prayed and asked The Holy Spirit to help me, and to give me a passion to read His Word, and He obliged, and obliged at warp speed. God is so Good!!! Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by The Word of God. Hallelujah!!!

The perfect union between God and man is one where we look to and depend on Him. It is one that we grow in a deep abiding relationship with Him. To know Him as Perfect and Almighty God. To know our place as loved created beings, made in His image. To learn His will for us and in every situation we experience in the life. To learn how to love and to live.

When 2 or 3 are gathered together in His name, He is there. God also relates to us one on One, when we are alone, but in conjunction to knowing God's will in conjunction to a situation, such as how to deal with church matters or to heal or to cast out demons, or even to raise the dead, we NEED to know His will. In seeking God's will in those types of situations... In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.

II Corinthians 13:1 2Co 13:1 — This is the third time I am coming to you. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.

Deuteronomy 19:15 One witness shall not rise up against a man for any iniquity, or for any sin, in any sin that he sinneth: at the mouth of two witnesses, or at the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be established.

So, if there are only 2 witnesses, and they disagree on what they believe God is saying to them -- what His will is, then that is where a 3rd witness would assist in finding God's will.

It is extremely important that we not presume to know God's will without first asking Him. We are His servants, and it is by His power working through us that we do anything good. We are serve as His hands, feet, and mouth, as He wills, not the other way around.

Matthew 16:19 And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

God is all knowing, and He truly does have our best interest at heart. He does not give His power to be mis-used by man acting on a whim or out of ignorance. For far too long I thought that scripture might mean, that whatever man decides to bind or loose on earth, that God will say... OK, so since you did so on earth, I'll bind and loose the same in Heaven, and I have to tell you that it was unsettling to me. But, I was wrong. No, it's the other way around. If it is His will for something to be loosed or bound, then He, Who is in Heaven, will convey that to His servants through prayer to the 2 or 3 gathered in His name, and will release that power to and through His servant(s) here on earth.

Jesus taught the apostles how to pray: Luke 11:1-4
11 And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples. 2 And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth. 3 Give us day by day our daily bread. 4 And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

Notice in verse 2 it says "...Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth..."

God's will, not ours. As Believers, we are learning. God is so very patient, and He loves us so much. The perfect union is being established: God is Almighty God, worthy of all praise and honor, and we, His servants, have the honor of His presence, praising Him, walking in His love in both the giving and the receiving of His love, and by His teaching us and allowing us to know His will.

I John 5:14 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:

There was also a time that I wondered... why does God need us then? Why, if it is only by His will, why wouldn't He just do it Himself? He is after all, Almighty God, and He, no doubt, has the power to do so. But, wooooohoooooo, I've got to tell you, serving Him, and having the blessing and the honor to experience praying for others, and to be a witness to His power at work, is so humbling and so exhilarating, I find it difficult to put into words. Also, it allows me, His servant, to feel and experience another dimension of His love and His love of His children. God is Awesome!!!

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I need this reminder quite often: Mack, don't worry and fret and be burdened by the cares of this world. Humbly pray to The Father in the name of Jesus. Approach Him with a humble heart. Be thankful you have The Father in Heaven and that He allows you to approach Him, and talk to Him about your needs, and your wants, or your confusions or whatever is going on. Be thankful for His provision. He will comfort you, counsel you, console you, guide you, point out any re-adjustments/corrections that may be contributing to error on my part. And, remember His peace not only is blissful and awesome, it also works to protect me and to sustain me, from my willful self/old nature and from the wiles of the enemy, if ever God's will differs from what I had hoped for in a matter.

Jesus is The Word. Jesus is The Way, The Truth and The Life. Jesus stated whatever God The Father wanted Him to speak. The Holy Spirit speaks whatever God The Father and God The Son/Jesus spoke and continue to speak.

John 14:6 6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

All scripture within The Bible, recorded/written by man, was God breathed and delivered by divine inspiration of The Holy Spirit operating within man.

II Timothy 3:16-17
16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: 17 That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works.

I, Mack, believe it. It is Truth. While I cannot say I understand it all, I do know He continues to reveal it to me, through the awesome relationship with The Father, The Son/The Word and The Holy Spirit.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

I believe it!

Romans 10:9-11
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed.

I believe it!
I believe The Word. Jesus is The Word and I believe Him.

Kimby, I truly hope this has helped you and not hindered you.
Prayers continue to rise to The Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May the peace of God well up in you to overflowing. God's will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[dema]

Thank you Mack. You've put things together in context - as a whole.

I've heard sermons about the Bible based on II TImothy. What is the intent of the Bible - to teach us how to live. Doctrine - to give us rules and guidelines, reproof and correction - to let us know when we've gone wrong and how to get right again, instruction in righteousness - to teach us how to grow.

The Bible is inspired to teach us how to live and grow and become more like Jesus. Sometimes we miss words or context. I like to stress that LORD means Big Boss. Boss in a context we don't really understand in our society. People glide over the word Lord so often. People glide over lots of things or get hung up on one scripture instead of doing what you've done - putting a large context of scriptures together in order to understand.

We need to strive to know God's will in a situation, and then we need to pray and believe. We need to give God true sovereignty - make Him truly King and Lord. And know he loves us.

Thanks again.

[kimby]

Sleep alludes me...again. I shouldn't be surprised. This has become the norm.

Once again my fairly neatly ordered world has been tossed into chaos. Not happy.

The school I teach at scored poorly last year (multiple maternity leaves, several long term subs, the terminal illness of a coworker, and students and families deeply affected by poverty will do that to you). We made huge improvements this year. The powers that be decided to fire the principal that helped us make this dramatic turnaround. Supposedly they had to. They want a big grant, to get it they have to get rid of the leader...no matter what. The injustice of this makes me so angry! He was a good leader. He had our back. I trusted him.

They brought in a new principal. I have had two conversations with him. He has lied to me three times in the course of those two conversations. I asked him two questions in the first conversation. I asked about painting my classroom. He said that not only was it okay, but that he would get the district to pay for the paint. I asked whether he was planning to move teachers around like the rumours indicated. He said no. About three days later, I got an email saying that no painting would be allowed this summer. Five days later I got a message from one of the four teachers in his advisory group reporting that he was planning to move teachers around. I asked him two questions, and I didn't get honest answers on either of them.

A week after that first conversation I got a phone call from him. I was one of the ones he was changing the grade level of. He doesn't know me. I have had one conversation with him. He has never seen me teach, but he is moving me. I have heard from others that two ladies that came in and watched us this year helped him. They were in my room once, maybe twice. They never gave me negative feedback. My test scores were some of the highest in our school the last two years. I have wracked my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong to necessitate me being moved. If he did it himself the only thing I can figure is that he didn't like that I asked him those two questions. If the ladies were part of it I can think of two things that went wrong while they were in my room. My students were using learning chips while they were there. One girl decided to flip hers like a penny and dropped it. Another child answered a question incorrectly. Otherwise things went amazingly well. It doesn't seem like those things would be a reason to move me from my old position.

Some people have said they had to move people around to get this grant. I know at one point they talked about moving half the staff out of the school. They are saying they did this instead. A couple teachers got to keep their old positions. Why them? I do so much better if I have some form of explanation. Why did they move me? Why did they put me where they put me? Why did they give me the partner they gave me? Even if the reason is "we drew names out of one hat and room numbers out of another", at least that is an explanation!

When he called me, he told me who my partner was. She is the teacher that never comes in the lounge to eat or spend time with any of us. She struggled in her position last year. People were in to help her and she still struggled. She had a part time assistant that did a lot for her. She used the lesson plans of the other teacher in her grade level. He told me that this move would be hard on her and because they had looked at my test scores he knew I was a strong teacher and wanted me to mentor her and help her. Hard on HER? Does he not realize this is destroying me?? Not to mention, how in the world am I supposed to mentor her to do something I have never done before?? I feel like I am being set up to fail.

I had just spent over $1000 on supplies for my old grade level. I have almost nothing for this new one...and no money to purchase them with. I had already done a lot of work towards being ready for my old grade level. Now I have to start all over.

Earlier this week there was a moving "party" where all of us who had to change rooms went up to move things. Teachers that didn't have to move came to help. It was really hard on me. I felt like I was being rushed out. The teacher who is taking MY room started picking up my boxes and taking them off to the room I have to move to. I felt like I was being evicted. It was awful!

Not only that, but the room I am having to move to is filthy! I spent ages cleaning MY room when I first moved in a few years ago. Now I have to do it all over again. It isn't fair! None of this is fair!

Most of the other teachers affected by this are acting so cheerful about it. One of them actually told me, "Smile, it could be worse". I know it could be, but that doesn't mean I have to pretend I am okay with it. It would be so helpful to me if we could all be miserable together for a bit, then move on together. It is like everyone is expecting me to deny or push down my feelings. Friends I have talked to have immediately tried to point out something good about it or started telling me that I might end up loving it. Those things might be true, but in the middle of the hurt I don't really feel like pretending with them. Another friend is telling me to just go find a new job if I am going to be miserable. That is extreme. I just need to vent and be heard and receive a bit of empathy, but only a small handful of people seem to get it...funny enough, every one of them is a teacher.

I hate feeling like my life is out of my control! I hate it! A little respect, a little consideration for my feelings, either of those would have helped.

I feel like God discovers that I really love something and feel comfortable doing it and then decides to yank it away from me. After three years living abroad as a missionary, He made me come home. After three years at this grade level, I got demoted to a lower one. I don't know what I did wrong in either instance except enjoy what I was doing.

I am having a horrible time sleeping. It is taking me hours to fall asleep. I am having trouble staying asleep. I am tired and exhausted, but I can't seem to make myself sleep.

I have a friend visiting from overseas and she has gotten stuck having to help with the movie party and I am going up there to do more cleaning tomorrow so she is stuck going with me. I hate that for her. She says she doesn't mind and likes to help, but I still feel bad.

I know this is horribly scattered, but that has been the state of my brain since I got the phone call. I am sorry.

[dema]

Being mistaken is not lying. When the principal told you something in good faith, he probably thought it was true. Almost guaranteed. The reason that you got an email saying that there would be no painting is almost certainly because he put in a request for paint for you. Trying to do what you wanted. You also probably found out about the being moved around sooner instead of later because he asked the questions based on your conversation.

You have fussed before about being moved. You like to build a perfect work and you work hard at doing it. However, you are someone who will dig in and work and get results. People who do that - who are the doers - get moved around a lot. You will likely always get moved around a lot. As soon as you clean up one area, they will move you to the worst and piggiest area because you are the one who cleans it up and makes it work. You will also get the worst students and the worst coworkers. Because you will make it work in a way that most people don't.

As long as you do a good job they will never leave you alone. The only people who get left alone tend to be those who are barely adequate. The poor ones get fired and the good ones get challenged. That is life.

It is a compliment if you choose to take it as one.

I am amazed that you are able to look at so many things from the negative side. It isn't about being mean to you. It is about trying to make the school more successful and getting all the children at least a minimal education.

They put you where you are most needed.

God does that too. He doesn't let us get comfortable - at least not for very long - unless we are minimally competent and refuse to listen. If we are following him, he gives us challenges. He teaches us and grows us.

I doubt that you will ever get what you think you want. And I think it would be very bad for you if you did.

[kimby]

I feel so paralyzed right now. I desperately need to start working toward the upcoming school year, but I am absolutely stuck. I can't find a beginning place.

I am supposed to purchase new classroom décor this week (there are sales on), but I haven't found anything that I love yet. I don't think this is a problem with the new grade level, I just think it is that I am not crazy about what is out this year. It is hard to spend money I don't have on things I don't love, but I need them so...

I am trying to write grants for new classroom supplies because I have almost no resources for this new grade level. It is hard to compile a shopping list when I don't know exactly what I might need.

I need to start planning for the academic year, but I don't know where to start, and believe me, I have tried.

I have a friend visiting from overseas. That has been a Godsend for me because she has come to the school and helped me move from one classroom to the other. She went back with me another day to do more cleaning in the new room and to help me start putting things away. Now I am to the point that I need to start arranging the room. I don't know where to begin.

All of these things need to get done, and I am stuck. The stuckness and the passing of time is adding to the stress.

I found out today that my church is restructuring. They have seen needs that aren't being met and are making changes to meet them. I completely applaud that! Unfortunately it means they are getting rid of the one service that I am able to attend. Corporate worship is the one way that I have been somewhat able to connect with God in the last few years. It will be hard to lose that opportunity for corporate worship. I am not upset at the leadership at all because I recognize the value of what they are trying to do, but it does feel like another huge loss.

[dema]

It sounds overwhelming all at once. I'm glad you have your friend with you. I pray that God opens a door for you to worship. And that you open your heart to making whatever changes need to be made.

[kimby]

I am not even sure what to write here any more. I was contacted privately and told that I "weigh down" another member's soul. I was further told that she had spoken to others here and they feel the same way about me.

Is it hurtful that I was talked about behind my back? Yes. Is that what I expected from a Christian site, from those who claim to follow Him? No. I have always been the type to speak with someone directly if I have a problem with them whenever possible. I suppose I was foolish to assume the same respect would be afforded me.

The private message went on to ponder whether God was as "disgusted" with me as this person is. I already struggle to face God and speak to Him for fear of how He feels about me. Did this comment help draw me closer to Him? No. It created more fear and worry.

The writer implied that I shouldn't speak about how I feel about things in my life if the feelings are negative because others may have it worse. If you carry that to its logical conclusion, no one has a right to say anything negative except for that one person in the world that we deem as having it worse than everyone.

As I very much like to keep people happy, I will bow to this member's wishes and post positive things.
*I have a home.
*I have a reliable car.
*I have a job.
*I have two rabbits that love to snuggle and play.
*I have all ten fingers and toes.
*I have a spleen.
*I have food in my house to eat.
*I have birds and squirrels that visit my yard and make me smile.
*I have clothes to wear and the means to wash them.
*I have electricity and running water.
*I have a good new book from the library.
*I have plenty of episodes of Law and Order stored on my DVR to keep be entertained.
*I have air conditioning.
*I have the chance to go on a road trip next week.
*I was able to buy supplies for my classroom on sale today.
*I have ice cream in my freezer and licorice on the counter.

I will attempt to visit regularly and update this "happy" list. I will endeavor to never say another negative word here. I will stuff my feelings and hide what might truly be going on in my life if it doesn't live up to this other member's standards of what is acceptable if that is what will keep others happy. If I do it long enough maybe it will be able to completely extinguish the small flicker of hope that there is someone, somewhere that actually cares about me and not about the performance I can put on for them.

[kimby]

I got a positive response from the one who criticized and judged me so harshly. My last post was approved. I find it interesting and telling that approval came when I performed the way they determined I should, when I promised to stuff my true feelings and be fake.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."

I got to see these verses come true in the last two days. God took very hurtful, hateful words and turned them into something wonderful for me.

I shared with the pastor I meet with what was said to me here in private and public by a member. I shared because she knew something was wrong, she knew I wasn't sharing freely with her as I had in the past. She asked about it, so I shared. Without revealing names or places, I told the story. The compassion that flooded her face and the wisdom that she spoke broke the power of those words in my life. I suspect it broke far more than that, if I am honest.

Why am I sharing it here? Because I care about you, and I highly suspect that I am not the only one who has been hurt and beat down by another's words. I want you to know that you aren't another member's, another person's judgments or accusations. I want you to know that God doesn't speak or behave that way. I won't have Him be misrepresented and not speak out.

I flat out asked the pastor if she felt God was disgusted with me as was pondered here. She assured me He isn't. She reminded me that He is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. I ask you the same question she asked me: Where would disgust fall in there? It doesn't. She said she has NEVER seen Him disgusted with one of His children because He knows us and knows our hearts. He knows our struggles and hurts. He knows why we respond and react the way we do and He is compassionate towards us. YES! That is the God I know! That is the God the Bible speaks of! He never showed disgust or impatience with those who were truly seeking and trying to follow Him. God loves you! He loves you! He loves you! He loves you! If someone suggests otherwise, hit the delete on those words. They come straight from the enemy that wants nothing more than to drive a wedge between you and your Father.

I went on to ask the pastor if she was disgusted with me. Oh, the relief when she said, "Never!" She knows much of my story. She walks alongside me because she chooses to do so. I say pastor, but through time she has become a friend. To hear someone in a place of authority in my life, but also in a place of trust and caring, say that, it totally broke the cloud and weight that private message put me under.

I told her that I was accused of not praising and not being thankful. She all but laughed and asked how this person presumed to be God and know my heart. I realized something then that broke that accusations off me so easily....this person doesn't know me. They aren't in a position to judge me. They aren't my God! The pastor knows me. She knows it is in worship that I most often connect with God. She reminded me. I am so grateful she was there to remind me! I pray that you have someone in your life to remind you that you aren't others judgments and accusations. I don't mean someone who will just say what you want to hear but someone who will speak the truth in LOVE. Love makes all the difference. And if you don't, hear me now, if the shoe doesn't fit...don't try and wear it! Don't take on their judgments if God is not speaking to you about that area of your life. It is a tactic of the enemy to keep you distracted and defeated. He wants to put a weight and a burden on you that God never intended you to carry.

In wisdom that pastor said that we needed to forgive them. Her wording caught me off guard until I realized what she meant. Because she cares for me and my walk with God, she was hurt by what was spoken to me. She pointed reminded me that our battle is not against flesh and blood and that the enemy will use any avenue he can to shoot his arrows at us including using a fellow human being. In a place of knowing I was loved it was easy to forgive...to forgive being judged and accused, to forgive having a barrier thrown up between God and me, to forgive being talked about behind my back and the attempts to justify that action. I am fully free from all the ugliness directed towards me as I forgive. If you have been hurt and damaged by the words of another, forgive them. There may be a good chance they don't know what they are doing.

I also shared with a small group of people, some friends, some more acquaintances what was said. I nearly kept it to myself because of the great shame that accompanies something like that. I am sure the enemy would have loved it had I let shame rule because then I wouldn't have received the flood of encouragement peppered with specific examples of how I was not what was said about me. This was a double blow for what the enemy meant to harm me. First, the words undid some of the damage I had experienced. Second, I was built up, loved up, to a higher place than I had been before. I got to hear that I do impact others lives, that I had made a difference, that I was valued for me. Please don't let shame cause you to hide from people. Allow them the opportunity to speak truth and encouragement in your life when the enemy is trying to beat you down.

I feel like I have learned and grown a tremendous amount through this experience. God truly took something that the enemy meant to harm me and used it for my good...and the good of others as I share the truths I learned. I made the hour drive home from the pastor's last night with a huge smile and a exuberant song. I had known what it was to be torn down, but now I know what it is to be rebuilt by love.

I would say this is far better than some contrived list made in attempts to appease another. This is not fake. This is real. God never wants fake. Never. He wants your heart no matter what state it is in. He wants you to come to Him no matter your condition. He wants you to be the true you. He doesn't expect a performance.