Christianity Oasis Forum

[vahn]

Hello again AJ

Glad to see you following up on your quest to be the Utmost to your Hiighest by deciding to get to the "root of the matter" through these steps .

Ah , the old issue of forgiving and the forgetting . Mind boggeling huh ? , well it can be ... if we let it , that is .

It is a very common misconception (I myself was a 'victim' of it) , that , we think by forgiving we will also be able to forget just as easily , in fact , most of us , we use 'forgiving' as a tool of some sort TO forget an unpleasant situation , person or thing , hence our disappointment .

See , forgiving and forgetting are two different things altogether , though each is nessecary to do the other .

Please allow me to start with the forgiving first . As to why does our Lord , so do I find it , an absolute nessecity to forgive . First - In order the 'need' to forgive to exist , there must first , a "harm" or an offense of a sort be in existance , which is causing , or rather occupying so much 'room' in our heads that we are practically obsessed with it , and we all know too well where obsession leads us to right ? ... Away from our Lord , which equals to what ... yep you guessed it right ...THAT is the core of the reason of our "aggravation" .... their actions led us to stray away ... how dare they !!!

The need to forgive is ours , the resentments we have are ours , theyare holding US hostage , not the other party , we need to free ourselves from them not the others ... so , as far as having to like the others by forgiving them ? , my answer to that is an absolute NO .

Ok , for the matter of forgatting - Unfortunally , the memory of the action taken and how we fet about it AT THAT TIME , will stay with us for a bit , it all depends on ONE thing , FORGIVENESS . See , before we didn't have anything to replace the "feeling" of action with , but now , after forgiving we do , we can always say , "yep , this 'n' that DID happen , so ? , its not happening now is it ? .. besides I had done all I could , the ball is in teir court " ... in other words , it makes it easier for us to tollerate the memory , and not be held bondaged to it .



In Christ , our Lord

[dema]

My interpretation of forgiveness is complete release to God. And after reading about and watching people heal, I know that it is possible to forgive too soon. When you are hurt, it is important to acknowledge the hurt, mourn, scream, feel the pain, be angry, and afterwards relinquishment can be complete.

Forgiveness, this complete relinquishment to God, frees up the one who forgives. It really has no affect whatsoever on the sinner. It was all between the sinner and God as far as punishment before, and it still is afterwards. What it does is free the heart of he who was sinned against. (Or she.)

Forgiveness does not mean taking the snake into your bosom. It does not mean hanging out, buying presents, taking to lunch and setting yourself up for more and more abuse. You are allowed to protect yourself. You are not allowed to key cars, talk about the situation negatively constantly, cuss them out or otherwise behave badly. When you give it to God, there is no reason to talk about it anymore unless there is a specific reason for talking about it again. What I mean is, you cannot bad mouth the person, but warning someone who is about to become a victim might be warranted.

You may need to vent for a while before the forgiveness. After the forgiveness, you only talk about it and think about it when there is profit in doing so. If you run into the person, you wish them well and do the best you can to do so from the heart. If the sin was a crime, you may continue to prosecute. You may not continue to hate. Prosecuting and hating are different. The one has to do with justice, the other does not.

If I ran into my ex-husband's mistress in heaven, I would not feel offended. I would know that God in his justice forgave her. I would probably not choose to hang with her. However I could smile and nod and meet her gaze. I feel that I have forgiven according to God's will. I do not need to make excuses for my ex or for her. That isn't part of forgiveness. But their life and their salvation isn't up to me. I trust God to do whatever is best. Without minimizing what they did, nor standing in line to press charges. God is the only prosecutor. If they accept the blood of Jesus and are forgiven, then best wishes to them both. Or either. They are not together - which is irrelevant.

I feel peace with this interpretation of forgiveness. Hope it helps.