Christianity Oasis Forum

[Remnant]

This is a big one.

So I now realize that I do forgive people, always have - but there have been times where I have put "conditions" on it.

I was abandoned as a child and I had to forgive my mom and dad a long time ago, those feelings try to pop back up sometimes and I have to push them away. I don't hold anything now for what happened so long ago.

This year - someone at my work wanted my job and was doing things that were not nice. I forgave him - but I cannot trust him for I believe he is a "snake" in the grass. I could be wrong. I don't want to be "friends" with him. This one is hard.

This year - my sister continually misses our family functions but attends her in-laws functions even if it means taking off work. She takes our relationship for granted. It has been this way for a long time. I usually don't hold it against her but something really stuck me bad on one occasion and I refused to "totally" forgive her. I allowed myself to "feel" and wallow in the "hurtness" of it all. It took me about a month to totally forgive her. She still attends her in-laws events and that's ok. I almost lost my sister and I really hurt her and I had to work hard to get our relationship back. It just isn't worth the loss.

Remnant

[vahn]

Hello Remnant

How fitting it is , that forgiveness step comes right after self-searching step huh ?

I myself had gone through the same "idea" that each "step" is something of a stand-alone progress , while in reality , I found out that they are rather a continious process .

I had a sponsor (a mentor) who , without failing , and sometimes it felt intentionally found a way of "getting my goat" . When I was going through the steps , with his guidance , "Ok , so now you're ready to move on to the next step" BUT , no sooner that I get back to him , tell him I am ready for discussion , he'd say lets open the book and see what the previous step has to say . Sometimes ..... I tell ya ! .

The point . Upon reading your "progress" (doing what spons suggested to me to do) , I read your post on step 3 . And it "clicked" !!! (see ? who said we can't be of no service to anyone while we are still working on ourselves huh ?)

Ok , so , in step three , we find out and sort of "delve" on our shortcomings , and "failing" so to speak , it made me almost free (note : almost ) to find out , that most of my so-called failings were out of my control - I did them without wanting to - in other words it flushed out my inability to do what was right , and I needed to find out what the reason behind the "bloc" was ... Well that was the KEY that I was missing after the inventory , and I skipped right to the next step .... Hence was my sponsor's suggestion that I go back and read my own privious "entry" before trying to tackle the next . In my case , that "bloc" was forgiveness .

Even though I found and gained sufficient enough knowledge of the fact that , as a sinner , it was natural for me to sin , and it made me feel a bit easier about myself ... BUT , I STILL had to get rid of the guilt associated with the actions I had taken , and it was that GUILT that was holding me bondaged to self ..... feelings like I don't amount to nothing and so forth .

Most times , I found myself "unworthy" to being "qualified" to forgive others , and we , in so doing we tighten the wrappings around our guilt even tighter .

I need to forgive to free MYSELF , NOT , nessecarily to free others .


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[Remnant]

I totally agree, and it needs to be "total" forgiveness, unconditional.

Remnant