Christianity Oasis Forum

[greeneyedlady78]

This is my first entry in my journal, thus completing STEP 1.

I am at a crossroads in my life. I have two older teen-aged daughters, (I have other children that are grown and on their own, married, etc...) that I adopted when they were very young from an abusive home of addictions. My ex and I adopted them, together. Several years after this, I had to divorce my ex. due to him violating the marriage. Because of his violation, I became very weak, lost and irrational in my decision making. I blamed God for allowing my ex. to destroy our family, thus didn't look to him for comfort, direction or leading. I turned to man, instead. I ended up marrying a man, that I beleived would be a wonderful father for my daughters. He had been married for several years as well, and he being a divorcee with two older children, added yet another complication to our union. He had an addiciton to acholol that I didn't or refuse to recognize. I was brough up with a father with this alliment, so possible I found it familar and clung to it. Our marriage for these last 10 years have been very shaky. We do love eachother but we do not see eye to eye on some things of raising children, and him having his own, and me having mine, has been very difficult. Pretty normal I hear for most step families. But the addiction being thrown into the mix has been almost impossible to deal with. I have had to remove my daughters from our home, and am living with them now 1,000 miles away from my husband. He is not abusive physially at all. The problem has been, is his verbage towards me when he is drinking. It has been very demeaning. The girls didn't hear much of it, as it was behind closed doors, and at night after they were in bed. But, it has crippled me to some degree. The month before we left, he started getting worse with his drinking and some things he had said to me, were heard by the girls, so I made the decision to take them away. I warned him all along, that I would not tolerate them hearing of his behaviour towards me. They really didn't have to hear it, they could see it in me, these years, broken down, tired and weakened from the chaous. Some days would be really great with him... we both love to sing, and have written many songs together, recorded them and even have sang in chruch together. We all love to go fishing together and we have a wonderful property, that teams with vegetables, flowers and is so beautiful. We have had our good times and the bad, like most families. He is pretty generous, making sure our needs were met, and tried to be the best father for my daughters as he could. He had other daughters, that weren't with us all the time, that didn't get to have him. So I know it made him feel guilty fathering mine, thus another stressful thing for him... possibly led to continued drinking. He was layed off almost a year ago, and since then, things slowly deteriated. More money pressure, more stress and finally led to us leaving. So now... we are gone. I miss him so... we did have our good times and he is my husband, but I refuse to allow the girls to be there. They do not want to be there. So my prayer is: Do I stay married to him... and see him from time to time until I finish raising my daughters away from him. If I do... I would see him every 3 months or so, for about a month. He is ok with this arrangement, but not happy with it. I am not happy either, but it seems like the best thing to do, to salvage our marriage, and keep peace for my daughters. He is not planning on quittting drinking, but has slowed down, and has promised to treat me right, if and when I came back. He has made promises many times before, but was unable to keep them.
Both of us our believers, but church for him, going as a family, stopped being a priority for him over a year ago. He watches it at home and is in his bible more than I am.
I am hoping to get clear direction from God how to go forward... most of my adult children want me to stay far away from him... but another just says, he is your husband... don't listen to us... do what you believe God tells you to do. I can honestly say... I HAVE NO IDEA AT THIS POINT, .. what God wants us to do.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Greeneyedlady

God bless you this day. And, welcome to Christianity Oasis. I am glad The Lord led you here.

Sounds like you are going through much, but I am so glad you have The Lord and are seeking His will. He will guide you.

Keep doing the Steps...it is an awesome study. So many have been so blessed by the study, myself included.

I look forward to your continued posts, and will lift you up in prayer to our Lord in the name of Jesus. May God's blessed and perfect will be done.

God bless and keep you, Greeneyedlady.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[greeneyedlady78]

Thank you sister mack... I appreciate it! Step one was awesome and I am feeling refreshed already! I know I have a long way, still to go...