Christianity Oasis Forum

[deafeningsilence]

So... I was looking back over the forum and I stopped at day ten... I think it was like a month ago... Just didn't feel like being here much anymore. Not sure why. I just felt like nothing was changing, that I couldn't get control of my own life, and that frankly I didn't care to have a life. No, I wasn't suicidal or anything like that, I was just sort of to the point where I didn't really care whether I lived or died... and if you would have pointed a gun at me I probably wouldn't have blinked.... I somehow in a way started this program as a sort of a half idiot half lunatic sort of thing. I really didn't know what my biggest problem is and I sort of just went through the program half reading everything, and probably not even half paying attention... So, instead of just starting right where I left off and day ten... I decided to start over and really do this thing this time.

Today, just a few moments ago... I read every single word on the day one thing... twice even! This time I'm paying attention and I'm really really really seeking a miracle because I can't keep living this far away from God. I live in sin... if you looked up sin in webster it would probably be showing a picture of me right now... And the worst thing is that three or four things I'm doing are completely and utterly against God's word... I had a professor just tell me recently that I had an addictive personality... I half laughed, knowing deep down he was more right than he might ever know. I have lived enough of my life under multiple addictions... The addiction of alcohol.... addiction to drugs... addiction to sex.... addiction to people.... you name it I probably was addicted to it or something closely related to it. But I'm tired of it.

The only addiction I desire to have is an addiction to the real, living God of the bible. I want to be addicted to his word and his people and his will. So somehow, someway, something has to work to make my life more peaceful than it is right now... I can't give up until I do find the right answer... and if this is the right answer I'm stoked, but if not... I will continue looking no matter what the cost... path... or time... I will somehow get my life peaceful and moving up and not spiraling down.

[FineFreshFierceWoman]

I understand what you are saying I am going through the same thing. I got stuck at step 7 and just have been having a hard time getting started again. I know I will start again and really work at it sometimes we just need to take a step back an listen to that small voice. I have been avoiding it for too long. Knowing the issues will help you get the roots of those weeds better. God Bless

[vahn]

you name it I probably was addicted to it or something closely related to it. But I'm tired of it.

You already won half the battle by that statement . .... the other half ? .... Don't look back ... whether you left off at step one or ten ... or even if you've had "finished" all fourteen .... the time is NOW . Looking forward , (as in day 2?) .


Keep up the good work !
Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn