New, confused, and here for guidance
Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 8:51 pmHi, everyone 
I'm 31 years old, single, and not looking. I have never been married, and I don't have any children. I was raised in a strict Catholic household where I went to church every Sunday. I have very loving parents, but I HATED church. I went to Catholic school and I grew up thinking most people were Catholic because that's who surrounded me. When I was 18 and got to college it opened up a whole new world to me. By 19, I was no longer a believer. Nothing bad happened to me. I have learned a lot over the years about critical thinking, science, and skepticism.
That brings me to now. This March I started going to Christian church with a friend just to see what it was like. It was nothing like church now I remembered it. It didn't even feel like church. It was fun and upbeat with awesome music and I enjoyed myself. I don't know what it was and I didn't know how to explain it (I still really can't) but I kept going. I didn't agree with everything the pastors said, but some of the things, I did. What I found was a lot of loving people who were looking to do good.
Here is my problem. As of now, I am feeling like I want to believe, but I still don't. I have this logical part in me that doesn't, and is stubborn. And sometimes when I read things about Christianity and interpretations of Scripture, it's completely the opposite from things I've read in sociology or psychology. There are so many conflicting views on things, that as an adult, it's always been easier for me to go with the latest scientific journals and literature. If I change my views on this, it's like suddenly the world doesn't make any sense anymore. I thought I had it all figured out. Everything made perfect sense. It doesn't make sense at all anymore!!!
I don't know if anyone can explain this to me, or if that even made sense. Basically, what I'm struggling with are conflicting world views and how I can remedy that if I were to believe in things from the bible. When I'm church, I feel like something is in me saying that I want to believe.... but these things are what is stopping me.
I'm not necessarily talking about creation vs evolution, but mostly everything... like miracles and how do we determine what a miracle is vs what isn't a miracle, or fate vs free will and how do we have both and how do we know this? Being born with sin, and the idea of sin. I've read some stuff about satan and emotions and trying to resist these negative emotions, which is the opposite that I've read in my Al-Anon book and other co-dependency books. (please, I'm NOT looking to debate these issues, just airing things I'm having troubles with)
Not sure if that was cohesive at all. I just feel a pull. I will continue going to the Christian church with my friend. Please comment if you have anything that can guide me.
I'm 31 years old, single, and not looking. I have never been married, and I don't have any children. I was raised in a strict Catholic household where I went to church every Sunday. I have very loving parents, but I HATED church. I went to Catholic school and I grew up thinking most people were Catholic because that's who surrounded me. When I was 18 and got to college it opened up a whole new world to me. By 19, I was no longer a believer. Nothing bad happened to me. I have learned a lot over the years about critical thinking, science, and skepticism. That brings me to now. This March I started going to Christian church with a friend just to see what it was like. It was nothing like church now I remembered it. It didn't even feel like church. It was fun and upbeat with awesome music and I enjoyed myself. I don't know what it was and I didn't know how to explain it (I still really can't) but I kept going. I didn't agree with everything the pastors said, but some of the things, I did. What I found was a lot of loving people who were looking to do good.
Here is my problem. As of now, I am feeling like I want to believe, but I still don't. I have this logical part in me that doesn't, and is stubborn. And sometimes when I read things about Christianity and interpretations of Scripture, it's completely the opposite from things I've read in sociology or psychology. There are so many conflicting views on things, that as an adult, it's always been easier for me to go with the latest scientific journals and literature. If I change my views on this, it's like suddenly the world doesn't make any sense anymore. I thought I had it all figured out. Everything made perfect sense. It doesn't make sense at all anymore!!!
I don't know if anyone can explain this to me, or if that even made sense. Basically, what I'm struggling with are conflicting world views and how I can remedy that if I were to believe in things from the bible. When I'm church, I feel like something is in me saying that I want to believe.... but these things are what is stopping me.
I'm not necessarily talking about creation vs evolution, but mostly everything... like miracles and how do we determine what a miracle is vs what isn't a miracle, or fate vs free will and how do we have both and how do we know this? Being born with sin, and the idea of sin. I've read some stuff about satan and emotions and trying to resist these negative emotions, which is the opposite that I've read in my Al-Anon book and other co-dependency books. (please, I'm NOT looking to debate these issues, just airing things I'm having troubles with)
Not sure if that was cohesive at all. I just feel a pull. I will continue going to the Christian church with my friend. Please comment if you have anything that can guide me.