Christianity Oasis Forum

[GodsWillAmen]

Hi Everyone, I feel like God led me to this forum, and answers for me await within the walls of your own struggling. Please feel free to share your experiences with me, and give me any advice you might have. I will do the same with you, as I love to help others feel a little peace in their trials.

I will try and condense my current situation. Married almost 5 years to a man that simply does not believe in Jesus. He says he believes in God, but not Jesus. So many references about God from him, got me to this place. In short, I was fooled. I did not ask the questions I should of, nor heed some red flags I saw. Turns out, he told me alot of things that I did not know, after, we were married. I was stunned and hurt, but since I don't come from a family of divorce, and had never thought I would be in a place where it was ever a consideration, I have just endured, hoping and praying and asking God for direction about what I am supposed to do now.

He was abused as a child, mentally, and physically. He has talked himself into believing that he wanted it, that somehow he was born differently than every other little boy and has always been driven to want things in pervasive ways. It's a lie from the pit of hell. I came from a Beaver-Cleaver type family where my Dad adored my Mom, and I have never even considered the things I have come to know in my life now. Trying to learn about his struggles, I have read other's stories online, and it seems like he has many of the things inside of him that they do...disassociating qualities, he simply doesn't FEEL things, multiple personalities, bi-polar symptoms. I could go on and on, but he is just lost in his pain, and refuses to get any kind of help, because he says there is nothing wrong with him.

My question is do I just hang out here and wait on the Lord to work in his life and change his heart, and is there things I need to be doing that I am not, or do I stop the abuse that is directed at me, and if it weren't for God would completely feel destroyed, and leave him to his own devices, and maybe then, he will get to the bottom, and need God's help ? I feel like by me staying and letting him walk all over me with his hatred and bitterness, that I am allowing his behavior to continue.

I am sorry to throw such deep things at you with my introduction, but I truly need guidance to help me figure it out. I have been studying the Bible, and praying, and have others praying for us, but I know I need to talk to people who care and understand. Thank you for "listening." God bless all of you.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello Godswill and welcome
I do not have any input for you on your issue, I only wanted to reach out a welcoming hand and let you know there are many here that suffer from issues like yours and I pray they will come forward and give you words of comfort.

Please look into the studies here as well as the counseling pages, I know they are a blessing to many who come here including me.

You are in my prayers that God will take control

Cuc

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Sorry I also wanted to add to look into the forums here as there is blessings in them as well

Cool till death do us part
and
Life Beyond Walls

Are 2 I would suggest

God bless

[dema]

I was married to a man who became abusive. I knew he loved me as much as he was able - but that really isn't saying a whole lot, because he really just wasn't able.

Over time, I was losing me. I prayed, studied, wrote devotionals, but God speaks in the peace. And there was so little peace.

I am divorced now and forever thankful.

I could not make the decision for so long, and then I began listening to my heart.

I am not giving you advice as far as your marriage. I am telling you that God speaks in the peace and that you also need to listen to your heart. You will hear you heart when you let go of the reasoning and the debate.

There is a study on divorce here, and I do recommend it. I couldn't read it until several months after my divorce because I was too afraid of what it would say. I was very pleasantly surprised.

I do suggest that you read it.

And God bless.

PS You married him for a reason. Do you have any idea why you married him?

[GodsWillAmen]

Christundrconstruxn....thank you for your welcome, responses, and suggestions. I greatly appreciate them and will certainly check them out.

dema........Thank you for sharing some of your story with me. It gave me alot to think about. It seems like anyone in this situation has similar stories. I relate about "losing me" and "so little peace." I sit and wonder how I got in this mess, which leads me to your question about "why I married him ?" I have asked myself that so many times. He showed me a different side in the beginning, and I think that made me overlook the red flags I saw. I thought he was kind, and he talked about us doing things together to make this world a better place. I have never been one to spill my guts about who I am, so I just let him talk and talk, but I guess he figured out I was a caring person, and from that considered me an easy target to control. Now, looking back, I should of paid closer attention to how things fit together, because they really didn't, they were scattered, and fragmented, and chaotic. That is not something I would look for, but I guess I felt like since I was so strong with God, that I could help anybody. That being said, I did not know he had these kinds of deep problems.

I am doing just what you did, reasoning and debating. I could always hear from God on things, but now nothing seems clear. I was taught that it is not God's will to do anything contrary to His word, but I have read and read and read, and still can't quite figure out the divorce part. What sticks out in my mind is...."what GOD has joined together, let no one pull apart".....and my thinking on that is most people who are married aren't really brought together by God, it is a choice they made without God's approval, so what does that do to the so-called marriage, make it void ? I just don't know. I over think these things so much, and just don't know what is right. We are called to live in peace, and there is none here, unless he is gone. As weird as it might seem, the only time I feel like I am getting closer to what God wants me to do, is being away from him. The clouds clear, and I feel alive, and closer to God again. I feel freedom, and clarity. I feel like He is just waiting to give me back my life, and continue on with me, if I would just let all of this go. I may be reading that completely wrong though. I don't really trust my feelings anymore.

The newest development is he has frozen a credit card on me. I think he is trying to make it be to where I absolutely can't live here anymore. He took over the finances years ago. I have no say in anything. It has been over 100 degrees here and he doesn't want me to turn on the big AC. A little window air conditioner he put in runs 24/7 to no avail. If you turn the big one on, it cools in no time, then you can turn it off and the house still stays cool, which to me would be cheaper, but he is always right. Winter is no different. I freeze here. He doesn't believe in me buying groceries. There is just no normal here. Everything is crazy. Who acts this way ?

I will read the study on divorce. Thank you again.

[Ruthk34]

Hello and welcome to the site.

I agree the Christian Divorce study would be good for you. I read the study myself because my parents are divorced and found it very enlightening. Also I think you should look again at what you said in your last post.
"the only time I feel like I am getting closer to what God wants me to do, is being away from him. The clouds clear, and I feel alive, and closer to God again. I feel freedom, and clarity. I feel like He is just waiting to give me back my life, and continue on with me"
This says alot. It sounds like you have your answer already but that is just my opinion based on what you said. Keep on Praying.

I will pray for you too.