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I'm gonna do this journal in a different format than the CCCC. I'm just going to leave this a running journal rather than new posts after each day so I can look back on it in a running fashion. I have to say that the Holy Spirit is not something I have understood very well. Is it my conscience, still small voice or what? i have been trying to get to know Him the past few days and I believe i've made some contact( see John's Journal day 11 in CCCC) but I really do want to get to know Him because I don't believe I can make this walk without Him. I don't want to get ahead of the study so I'll hold off reading some of the other posts. Nor do I want to have somebody else's experience and rely on that. So on we go ....

Awwwwwwww, Humble

I'm so excited for you are you begin this journey. Woooooohooooooo!!!

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

after reading day 2 in this study, I decided to get out of the house and get some exercise like i said I would and I went to the park and took the Holy Spirit with me. i talked to Him all the way down and while I was walking around the park and the main thing I got was that I had been totally focused on myself.and He brought this verse to mind: " And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death."
And He gave me this understanding

1. I have to FULLY accept the free given gift of Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness that was given when Jesus was on the Cross.

2. I have to share my testimony to those who believe but especially with those who don't believe.

3. I have to try and help others and put them first to the best of my ability.

I can't say I heard the voice of God at this point but I FELT this: I love you and I forgive you and I am always with you. Give Me your broken life and I will fix it, YOU go and tell others and help them find the same thing. That is how I will overcome.

Today I read through this and after saying Hi to the Holy Spirit first thing in the morning I found a prayer in this lesson I could start my day with:

"Spirit of the Living God, I want to live for Jesus today. I give You my mind, my emotion, my will, my intellect, my lips, my mouth, my ears, my eyes. Use them for the glory of God."

I don't want this to become mechanical...I want to mean it sincerely each day. I normally spend at least 30 minutes each morning with God so I'll try to use this prayer when I feel led to pray it during that time.

Also pretty cool: this study led me to "Many are called but few are chosen" which starts tomorrow coinciding with my last day on the CCCC "Healing Path"

God is working !!!

All I can say after reading today's study...day 4...is holy Spirit please help me. As I read this I felt deeply convicted of how I had ignored and "quenched" the Spirit of God in me. Gonna take a walk and ask for His forgiveness to make things right.

Please Spirit, Teach me the Truth and protect me from the lies of then enemy

Awwwww He is so forgiving. Even those moments when we cry to Him over our mistakes He adores that time, but I think He enjoys when we receive the forgiveness and spend that time rejoicing with Him even more. Just as we like when our kids come to us in humility we are broken when they are broken. Lift your spirit quickly and rejoice with Him.

OK day 5. Today was sort of up and down. Had to work early and do this study late. I think for me it seems like a slow change although some people have remarked on a difference that don't even know I'm doing this(at work). A couple of things i have noticed:

A few times in the last couple weeks I have felt filled to overflowing and sometimes empty. I can only believe this is inconsistency on my part but on the whole it is SO MUCH BETTER.

Keeping my big mouth shut.... See i know exactly how everyone's life should go and exactly what i can say to you to solve all your problems. at the beginning of this I asked god to help me see the right things the right way...or in other words the Truth. And I posted that one thing I would try to do everyday is offer some encouragement to at least one person. The thing i saw looking through His eyes is there are so many hurting people...everywhere. And as much as I would like to help and say the right thing, most of the time all I can do is pray. The times I have spoke or typed everything I said was not mine because it came out so freely without me even thinking about it. this is a BIG change for me because I used to just "tell it like it is" and end up with my foot in my mouth. Today as I looked through the posts, I really could not think of a way to respond to what I saw...that doesn't mean i may not later in chat or a post. but it's like I felt restrained and told this is not a time for you to say anything. So I didn't...I just prayed. Don't know what you call it but I felt ok about that too...

This was a good one today because I never really understood what blasphemy of the Holy Spirit was. Of course I haven't really understood the truth, until recently, about the Holy Spirit anyway. I felt that when I didn't obey my conscience then that was what that meant.
I had read the passage in Hebrews many times and it did scare me. i can honestly say that in almost every case I knew what I was doing was wrong and did it anyway and that constituted the "unforgivable sin". It was a willful rejection of God's commands. I still didn't get it till I went to the "homework" part of today's study and read that..."if I was concerned that I had done it then I had not done it...and I understood that. in fact if I had done it according to the Truth I know now. I would not be here writing these posts and trying to grow closer. I feel a lot better tonight.

Had to get up and do this last study early this morning because I have a long day at work starting soon. I do want this Spirit filled life and it's awesome to know all i have to do is ask for His presence. I need His presence because i really have no idea yet what my gifts are and how i'm to be using them but I am looking forward to finding out. I pray that I seek His presence all the time because the truth is once i get going in my day i just roll on under my own steam. But that is changing ! I have been saying good morning and good night. And I have been seeking Him more throughout the day. I just need to keep making that choice and doing it more and more. I see now that is one thing God can't do for me. I used to pray that He would just change me completely...and I believe He will, but only so much as I chose to let Him day by day.That, I think, is the one thing He won't do for us because He wants us to do that for ourselves. Started reading the story of how this ministry came to be and I'll finish that up over the weekend. Then Monday start "Many Called Few Chosen". I know I will find what He wants me to do if I stay faithful. Please pray with me that I will stay faithful and even more that I'll answer whatever that call may be.

What a journey...

I'm looking forward to watching Him work through you.

It's amazing.