Christianity Oasis Forum

[tntchao]

Just to refresh, I am seperated from my wife which in her last email blasting to me about four weeks ago she declared she wanted a divorce and she could not stand the thought of being my wife. Anyway, I am fighting for my marriage. I have completly back off of her giving her space since that email. We only discuss the kids and I will engange in small talk with her from time to time. All our conversations have been positive and light hearted. We have not once mentioned our marriage. This has change her attitude toward me in that she now will engange in conversation. I have since moved in with my dad who is a non-believer. In his secular opinion I should not make things easy for my wife. The latest incedant was today when our child got sick I took her to the dr and paid for her medicine out of my pocket when her insurance failed to pay for it. I also made arrangments for a sitter for the kids tomorrow since they are out of school and because my daughter is sick can not goto daycare. My dad says that it is not your day that she needts to worry about it. I should not make it easy for her. I feel by taking care of MY KIDS first will show love. I know she wants a divorce but she wants to divorce the old me. These actions I am taking may influance her to want to get to know the new me better. I am not doing this for her, I am doing this because this is the right thing to do. I do want to help her and I do love her still. I can not tell her these things anymore. I have to let my actions do the talking for me. Any thoughts anyone may have are welcome. Thank you.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Tntchao

God bless you this day.

When husbands and wives separate and/or divorce, each is still 100% responsible for their children's well being. Even if the courts were to get involved and decide custody schedules, doesn't mean if the children NEED that one or the other parent can just wave off the responsibility of their child as "not my day". So, I applaud your care of your child/children, because it was and is "as it should be."

God bless and keep you, Tntchao.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[chrisday]

I agree with you, even when it does not happen to be your day they are still your children. I feel you should continue going the extra mile and it will pay off more in the long run in more ways than one.

I believe if you had listened to your dad all that might accomplish is to put extra stress on her when I am sure you and the kids need her as mentally well as possible.

Going to pray for you, I am happy you are letting her know by action that you will always be there to work as a team.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello Brother,
First I must say I have stepped back from posting here and have faught the urge to do so a few times, but as I read your post it was like reading my own words
you see I am seperated and have been for almost 2 years and we were together for 14 years some of which I struggled to hold on when she wanted to give up, we also have 3 kids.
I lost the "american dream" my wife, kids, home, my car but through it all I had people telling me the same thing as they (your dad) are telling you but I kept doing those things, the marriage is for sure over but that does not mean that I need to become what I'm not, I still have a love for her and was even asked "the question" if she would come to you and want to repair it would you....YES....WHY!! because that is what I feel I am SUPPOSE to do, BUT at the same time I have finally come to grips with the fact that it is over and I am not going to waste myself sitting and trying everything to no avail
I cannot make her choice only she can so I will remain who I am and do the things I always have UNTIL it becomes an issue for MY life to continue, I had even spoke with her recently and she spoke as if she was interested in seeing if there was ANY chance or hope between us BUT even with my running to her every need and giving until it hurt money wise NOTHING ever changed on her part and NO efforts were made.
In a little more than a month it will have been 2 years all of which time I made it clear I would do ANYTHING she wanted to repair our marriage and she has made NO effort towards this...none, so I believe I have fulfilled my obligation to save this marriage and believe with all my heart if God was going to bring us back together then I am sure He would have shown me some kind of clue in 2 years, I have not made ANY efforts to date or seek other women and I feel if that is the way then God will show me, I do know as soon as I am able to money wise I will seek a legal divorce.
NOW with ALLLLLLL that said, I have those 3 kids, the issue I have is she wants to drive a brand new car she cannot afford while I struggle to drive beaters, the oldest which is turning 18 next month has my only grandchild and has a job BUT does not pay anything to her mom, I don't like it to sound as if I think she should pay much BUT she needs to learn responsability, I ALWAYS buy ANYTHING they needed for school and or clothes even payed ALL the school fees, she actually went and filed for child support but soon thought about it and realized it was a mistake for all involved, me due to I would lose the place I had and have to move in with some one, kids because I would always be broke and they would not be able to come and stay at my house, and her because she would lose the I can call anytime and he will save the day card.
But I have agreed to give her money so she can pay for the car.. ..I mean the kids and will still do all I do because that is what God would expect me to do.
SO keep doing as you felt led to do no matter what those around you say, but at the same time protect yourself from anymore heartache as much as possible by understanding that she may never want to repair it, this is not of your control only her and God has this control, you just keep being the man God has led you to be!
praying for you and for God to lead you to do as He wants and that His will be shown to you so the questions will be answered for you as well
Cuc

[vahn]

I can just imagine how it would be if it were our Lord saying " Hey , It's Sunday ... it's not my day to take care of you !!"



In Christ , our Lord

[Christnundrconstruxn]

AMEN to that brother!!!