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Good friends are very hard to find even more so one that sticks closer than a brother. Sometimes the best ones we dont know about that could be praying for you even when the heart falls and find self lost for words to even ask, there is that speacial someone out there that carries the compassion brotherhood of Jesus in them and is praying for you.

Ever have a breakthrough that has happened out of the blue, could be Jesus in them moved that person to pray for you.

Over the course of a few weeks now, goodness sakes, the ones I thought were all about Jesus showed more unChrist like judgement and confusion and double standards that just pushed me away and corrupted my progress. While that was going on, there were serious issues going on that I am unable to share detail about but very crushing is the best way I can explain it.

Well I tossed in the towel like any one would breaking down in the boxing ring, as the best metaphore I can think of at this moment, just frustrated in being so helpless to do anything about the situation, doing every right thing imganiable, to then just giving up and having a stormy flesh fit. Well I was like God, you are going to have to do something about it because I quit!!! If it is of you God, you will plow a way, if it is not of you, well its over.

Nothing like good ole exhaustion day in and day out and sleepless nights, stomach turning, rappid heart pounding but over and over again, a long list of verses would roll over and again in my mind. Isaiah 43:19 Jeremiah 33:3 Jeremiah 29:11 Isaiah 40:1 Ephesians 3:20 Psalm 126:6 Habakkuk 2:3 Psalm 23 1Corinthians 13 Philippians 1:6 Matthew 6:34 Romans 8:38-39 2Corinthians 4:17

The list goes on, I dont want to exhaust anyone with all the loads of texts that my mind crunched on thinking, ok that works for everyone else but me. Found out I qualify to. Out of the blue I bumped into a few believers we got to talking first time I ever met them, they saw I was heavy at heart, and wanted to know, so in brief explaination I informed them what was going on. Suddenly they listed without knowing anything about me, they listed a stack of the exact same verses that had been on my mind for quite sometime. While doing so, my phone rings my heart sunk low. Reluctantly I answered and the very person I needed to hear acceptence in their voice had called. I thought at first i was going to get a list of run downs and i was on the edge to emergancy hang up. That person offered their time and an invite.

I can't explain the entire story, and I still am not sure how things will play out over the next few days. But when i was just done done done, God wasnt, and He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. God made it clear to me, it is not faith that i lack, my doubt is in did I hear clearly from Him or not and He made it clear that He understands i can no longer affoard to waste my faith in things that seem right but later found to be wrong. God assurred me this, John 10:28-29 . For He is the good shepherd as He said in John 10:11-18.

Some of yall are facing the dark feeling very lost and alone, believe me I have faced it to and many more times I am sure of. We will make it because the Father says so.

ok, pintch me, I am beside myself....

Lastnight, as the Ravens were winning a close call but won, from half time of the game I left my dad's house and came home with my sons. Usually they are chomping at the bit to play video games so not interested in the Foot Ball game, my middle son came out to talk to me. My middle left his entire night of video game to talk about one thing that matter most to him that I had been praying for a long time would happen but never pressed the issue, my middle son wanted to talk about his relationship with Jesus/God.

We did so for three hours. Rarely ever going to church, just my relationship with my sons and reading the bible at times and other times just quoting verses and explaining them, it came back full fold. My son would tell me while he is in school (he gets great grades in honor classes math major) he told me for four years his mind wanders thinking deeply about God, creation, God's plan and purpose, and deeper things of God, while in class, while playing video games, while he is sleeping, and God he told me was always heavy on his mind. He and I had a deep intense awesome fellowship sharing our heart about eternal things in Christ. I was soaking in this amazing right now moment with my middle son. I shared with him the dreams I had, as well as my oldest son came walking in and reminded us about the dream he had that God gave him... The one where he was walking down the hall with Jesus in his dream and came to a door and opened it and there they both were standing in the fire as Jesus reached down and pulled out a rock with my oldest son's name on it and took it out of the fire and tears fell down my oldest son's face saying thank you... Jesus said it was refiners fire not fire of judgement, (I never told my oldest son about refiners fire) Jesus walked my oldest son down the hall again and presented three doors of the Apostles my oldest son took the door with armour of gold and passed through it and got to talk to John the Revelator..... then my oldest son woke up. Keep in mind my oldest son is boarderline speacial needs and has mental challenges and has made super progress over the years I never thought possible. Anyway so my youngest is still playing video games in his room durring all this LOL! My middle son continues to share all that was on his heart saying the different doctrines people made from the bible and how distructive it is because they are not connected to the vine of Christ Jesus, I explained to him that Jesus said his kingdom is like a tree and the branches that grow and birds of the air take rest in the branches... that means those in Jesus offer people from all over the world to His salvation... Jesus said his kingdom is not of this world meaning not only heaven but the way he sets up his system for example the world says take save up and keep, the kingdom is give and it shall be given more.... I also reminded him that Jesus said Father God is the husbandman and cuts off any branch that is not of Him and tosses it in the fire so the Son can produce more fruit (born again believers as that fruit and God's growing kingdom and plan) and I said a wild branch can be cut off from another tree and transplanted to another tree and thrive, I said that is also possible those who of other cultures and beliefs can leave it behind and take on salvation in Christ and be apart of the eternal kingdom. My son stood up and begged for a new better study bible that we went out today and bought...

Then today I called my dad, it wasn't easy, he hung up on me llllllllll, I got in my car forgetting my coat I pleeded the blood of Jesus raising the cross of Christ in my prayer telling satan you going down, and I didnt realise I was speeding and a car pulled out in front of me forcing me to go the speed limit and a cop car pulled out just one moment after had that car not pulled out infront of me I would had been pulled over.... any way I made it to my dad's and there he was doing ministry work, and I said dad we need to open in prayer.............. afterwards he asked for help with what he was doing and things turned around, then on the way out of the driveway my sister who she and I had been at eachother for years I pulled over waving smiling saying in my heart to God, you better God turn this around right now.... my sister litterally opened her car window and stuck her face out and gave a big wave and smile I got out of the car and told her that I ordered for her daughters from a beloved chatter on here that makes really cool dolls and I ordered them for my sister's three daughters.... my sister's eyes lit up and said, oh no no , do you need any money , I know you dont have much I can pay for it..... I said no no, oh awww, then explained to her that the lady who makes these dolls does it as a hobby and gives any donation to chairity instead and my sister's heart melted.... I said sis, I know I am a pain in the rear but I love you ok bye now.... my sister shouted out , you are never around enough for me to even have that thought of you, I said as I pulled out of the drive way saying WE NEED TO CHANGE THAT THEN LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she took off laughing as I did the same.... My dad called leaving a message on my phone saying he needs me over there later this week to work on more intense ministry detail, he said the Holy Spirit said I needed to be there.

This is happening right here right now!