Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Well since this is the place i have found to be my outlet her goes. Rick (my husband) is very sick as most of you know. The stress that it has added to the family has been tremendous. It seems I never have time for anything. ( which I have complained about before). I am in a very good job, been here for 14 years. During these years I have found my extended family. Since it is only Rick, me and the kids ( we have no other family, both of our parents are deceased and we dont have siblings) I had to find an extended family. Any way for that history lesson. I have found it quite refreshing to come to work. Only recently have I figured out why. I have become very close to a gentleman here (at work) that has been through a very hard patch and lost his wife of 25yrs. We have kind of become inseprated. He knows what I'm going through and he has been there. We talk about everything. He comes to the house and hangs out watching movies and stuff. We talk about everything and there are many times we dont talk at all. Dont get me wrong he was a family friend before Rick got sick. His wife and him were at the house many times. He has a good repore with the kids and Rick, not just me. But here at work it is just him and I. Yes we work with many other people but they dont understand. You say dialysis and ports surgery and permcaths they look at you funny. This gentlman has seen it, he has sat in the room with Rick while he was running so I could shower or just step outside for a breath of fresh air. I dont know. Probably just rambling at this point. I guess what I am getting at is it wrong to have this time with this gentleman. Sometimes it feels so comfortable it scary. He does offer the NORMAl. Something I haven't had in a long time. Wow cant really belive this is wrote but it is so if you have advice I would appericate it.

Akie, Bless you with all you are dealing with. My husband is not well either, although not as bad as yours is, it seems, but I know what you mean about longing for "normal.". Please, please, please, be careful. You have a hole in your life and it appears that this friend can fill it. He can give you what your husband can't, right? Well, flee from temptation! Set up boundaries! You will cause more heartache than you want to deal with if you let the relationship go further. If you think that the feelings are mutual on his part, have a talk with him and explain that you enjoy being around him but you are married and your commitment is to your husband. Thank him for his concern for your husband and all that he means to him but tell him that for now, it has to be only a friendship that includes your whole family. Stay away from situations that can lead to more than friendship. And pray without ceasing! God can fill that emptiness for you. You must not allow this relationship to go further! I can't stress it enough (notice all the exclamation points!!?)

Do you wonder how I can say all this? I know first hand how it is when you find the "perfect" man who has all the qualities you think are lacking in your husband. It took me 10 years to repair and rebuild my life and my relationship with my family and my husband and even with myself. If I can spare one person the guilt and the pain I went through. . . .

Please step back and draw a line in the sand,... No, make it concrete, sand can be redrawn! Get in the Word and don't listen to the lies of Satan. He would like nothing more than to make it seem okay.

Please feel free to write to me if ( PM ) you would like to talk more about it.

Praying for you!

~K

Akie, another quick thought. Dr. Larry Crabb says that we were not put on this earth to be happy, to have good health, to have a husband with good health, or to have the perfect husband. If those things happen while we are in the process of living, then that is great, but they are not promised! We are put on this earth to praise and glorify our Father in heaven! We all long for those things which is what makes heaven so appealing and helps us to reach for it! This life is fleeting. It doesn't seem like it but when you compare it to eternity, it just a breath. Look to Jesus to show you relief from the every dayness of this earth. I know, it's hard!!
Still praying for you!

~K