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I've been in what I call a "wilderness" like experience now for about 3 years. It hasn't always been this way as the Lord brought me to the very city I live in to be in a fellowship in 1984 of which I was affiliated with off and on till about 2006. It was an answer to a prayer I had prayed that very day crying out for the Lord to be in fellowship with other believers. That very night the Lord answered my prayer. Little did I realize He would then move me to the very city where this body of believers fellowshipped. I became a believer in 1982 when after a search for the "truth" Jesus was introduced to me, of which I instantly knew it was that which I had been longing for in my heart. Thus the beginning of my salvation and journey in Christ. Within this city I had been to serveral "Churches" some of which just seemed to offer milk most of the time and I was hungering for more. Others I saw things which discouraged my heart thinking surely this isn't how God's people are to be to one another. Having been a new believer my heart was tender, sensitive to the Lord and wanting only to follow after Him. My heart was broken time and time again as other believers would rebuke me for things I had no idea of or that I was doing anything wrong. Their harshness caused a breaking and a crying forth of which I could not control, almost as though the Spirit of God within me was grieved and crying out. I continued to love my fellow brothers and sister in Christ as they were now my family. Many times they considered themselves more knowledgeable and knowing of God's ways and that I was at times not included in things. This did not deter my relationship with the Lord but rather cause me to draw closer and closer to Him. For it was He whom I really wanted more than anything else. I found myself now without a fellowship to go to though I had searched within the small city I lived in, but nothing seemed to speak into the longing in my heart. This all led to that very prayer that God would answer that very evening.
I was very much a part of this fellowship and was living with the Pastor and his wife and family upon their invite for almost 2 years off and on till I was married in March of 1987. In this Fellowship I was a helper in many ways and also was asked to become a Praise & Worship leader of which I was very nervous to do, having to stand in front of a whole congregation hoping I wouldn't make a mistake on my guitar playing and that I would sing only the songs the Lord would give me to sing and that it would flow with the Word God would give to our Pastor. I so enjoyed the fellowship with the Body here and received much healing from past hurts that God would do through not only the Pastor but various visiting ministries. The Lord was bringing growth in my Christian walk with Him. The Word was becoming life to me and in me. After I was married I saw our Christian walks go up and down, at times we'd fall into sin and drift away from the Lord and going to the Fellowship. But time and time again God would get me on my knees crying out for His forgiveness and mercy and my heart would once again be His, running after Him. To cut my story short after the death of our daughter which led to my husbands falling away from the Lord for 10 years when the Lord brouth him back we returned to the Fellowship we were once so much a part of, we never really felt comfortable anywhere else. But this time we saw a great dwindling in the ministry. The Pastor was no longer able to function due to severe disabililties and his wife now also a Pastor seemed to be leading what was left of the ministry. During our brief stay we noticed there was a change in vision,it was no longer what it once was and now on a different course of which we could not identify with. We had been in much prayer since my husbands return and sensed God's leading, but not in the direction they were going. We asked to take some time to pray regarding what the Lord's direction for us was. Little did we realize we would be hit with such severity of rebuke. We were told we were as "Annaias and Sapphira" who had lied about selling all their land and giving all the money towards the needs of the body. They both ended up dead for lying to the Holy Spirit. We were both shocked, and broken in our hearts as these were loved ones we had known for many years and had trusted. The trauma I felt from this was crushing. I sought counselling from another Woman Minister who I met through family relations, her love and care was comforting. We knew we needed to forgive those who had struck out at us so harshly and move on. Needless to say this was the end to our stay at the fellowship that we once called home. Though we remain in contact with the Pastor's we know we can no longer be a part of the ministry there. We have been in this wilderness like experience for about 3 years now, but in and through it all God has provided, we know we are not alone.
We have experience God's provision and the sweet fellowship with Him in our home with our children. The Lord has moved in and amongst us on serveral occasions, His presence with us He continues to reveal. But even though God provides His daily bread as we continue to seek Him on our own and with those who would want to gather with us in our home or we in their's, my heart cries out for more, more of Him and for the sweet fellowship with believers on a regular basis, those who too want to gather
in His Name to give Him praise and to partake of Him (His Word). It has not been easy as we have received some harsh rebukes from other believers because we are not in a "Church." I know that we are the "Church", we are the Body of Christ, it is not about being in a building but partaking of Christ together with other believers who's maker is God and who love one another as Christ loves us, who's hearts are to serve Him, to do His will, who want to be faithful and obedient unto death. I'm not looking for another "Church." I'm looking for more of Him in my life, to do His will, follow the Lamb withersoever He goes and whatever He would have us do, and for true fellowship amongst His people. I know there are many who are in this same situation, thousands actually all over the world who have come out of the "Church Systems" for one reason or another. Does that mean we have forsaken the Lord? Absolutely not but rather a continuous reliance upon the Lord, every day for God's supply in order to live. "I cried unto the LORD with my voice and He heard me out of His Holy Hill" Ps 3:4 My heart is still crying out, but I must not be anxious for God shall provide all that we have need of, I know this, for I have seen His supply over all the years, therefore I will not be afraid to walk in this wilderness, for we are never alone, He goes before us and He is our defense. I must continue to be faithful and obedient unto Him and yield to His workings in our lives. To wait on the Lord be of good courage and He will strenthen my heart. Praise God to whom all glory and honour is due. I don't need anymore rebukes I need the Love of Christ flowing out through other believers who want only to encourage, edify, and build up one another, that we may all with patience run this race together, to do God's will, not our own will. Amen.

Hi, Changed Forever . . . I am Bill, one of the guys who shares, here. I see you have made one post but have a number of friends in your profile; so I suppose you have been fellowshiping in chat.

Thanks for visiting us here in the forums; because I do not have computer ability to chat, plus we may not be able to later read what ones share in chat, but what you leave, here, can be read later by ones who were not able to be here when you wrote it; so thank you very much for joining us her, Changed Forever.

As I have been reading your sharing, I have thought of how there are "accountability" people who can be very dictatorial, not encouraging each one to personally test with the LORD about details of His will. We do need each other, though, to help us with this. But ones can be about getting members, then getting their tithes and keeping them so numbers will show their churches are growing. But I can't say for sure ones are wrong to rebuke us, at times. God does use rebuking. Jesus rebukes and chastens the ones He loves, He does say > "As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten." (in Revelation 3:19)

However, Changed Forever, I'd say I have been where I did not belong, and so God allowed me to get "rebuked" by the wrong people I did not belong with . . . to get me out, NOT to keep me there. However, in my present church setting > I'd say the pastor there for a while was questionable and could rebuke me in his control scheming; however, what he said *was* what God could use to make me better. So, I would indeed feel slighted and even hurt by his "smacking" me in group, but then in prayer it would come how I did need correction about what he said. So, he could say good things to correct me. Not many have nailed me about things that *really* needed correction.

And others in this church have given me good correction, and ones also feed me example of how to be in love. So, they nail what's wrong but also show what is better. A narcissistic lording-over person tends to be able to point out so well what is wrong with us, but fail to be as smart for showing us what we need that is right. And ones' criticizing can be in an effort to get us to do what they want to use us for, rather than get us really with God.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you,
but being examples to the flock."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (1 Peter 5:3)

And I understand . . . in my town, I am with all the others who are really obeying God in His peace in the Holy Spirit. And we are one with one another > "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15) So, we are together, and I understand that if I am obeying God, You will have me discovering and sharing with the others here in this town. So, I would say, Changed Forever, that God would not have you isolating only with your own family or a chosen in-crowd; so God bless you to discover all the others where you are.

Plus, Paul does say, "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15) This, I'd say, is our example of how to relate with church people who are wrong with us . . . not to dump them and give up on them > "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46) All right . . . so I always have this homework assignment to learn how to love better

Hi ya changed
I to fellowship at a church that serves only milk since the pastor that fed us the meat we desired moved on to begin a church of his own.

We can fall into judgment of others at the churches. As the church folks are just a bunch of sinners, such as I. It is important how ever to test what is being taught to see if it lines up with the word of God.

Pray for guidance. I wanted to leave my church for many many years. But the Lord kept saying I am to stay there and pray and watch HIM change the hearts of the people. And now I am blessed to be there as I am seeing his hand at work. It took many years, but is well worth the time I put into it.

Maybe you are called to a church where you will be feeding others and getting your own food directly through the Holy Spirit and His word, the bible. Pray for his leading in this.

As far as others that shared with you what they saw wrong in you, if they had of used their discernment to allow God to work instead of rushing forward to try to get you to grow in these areas in their timing there would of been no hurt feelings. We are to sharpen each other, not stab each other with the sword. All in Gods timing. Sometimes God shows us things about a brother or a sister so we can pray for them in that area. So often humans want to rush in and Fix this person. When they are called to just pray and watch. The key is the guidance of the Holy Spirit as he knows when we should speak and when we should just pray.

As far as the church body, you are right. When we meet here in Oasis we are the a body of believers. Coming together to lift each other up in prayer, worship, and fellowship. Just as in a building. Your talents are welcome here.

I am sorry to hear about your child. Yet I praise God that your spouse has come back to him. Lean on the hope that he/she is in the loving arms of our heavenly Father. It is a difficult time and I feel for you.

There are many studies here to help feed your soul. And many chat programs that are here as well. I think I've seen you in a few so I'm certain you know about them.

God bless you.

Thank you for your responses.
I wrote this message as I did not notice anywhere here a posting for people who were going through this type of a "wilderness experience," hoping these ones would respond. I have heard many share with me their concerns who at present are in a Fellowship. But would like to hear from others who are in this same situation.
This is not something that we have taken lightly or without serious prayer. It is with continual prayer before the Lord that we ask for His leading and guidance, for another fellowship, for we love the gathering and fellowshipping of the saints. We also keep an open door of communication with other believers. We wait for His guidance in this matter and to confirm to our hearts where He would have us to be for it is He whom we are submitted to first and foremost. Though this has been at times difficult and lonely never the less we remain thankful for all that He is doing in our lives and for His provisions. In this "wilderness" experience the Lord is dealing with many things in our lives just as He dealt with His people when they went through the wilderness but we know that in His timing He will reveal to us where we should be and we want to be obedient to His leading. I am confident in knowing He is faithful to provide that which we have need of. We also gladly receive the Lord's correction but again we must by His Holy Spirit discern His correction over those who would rather control or Lord it over the Body or those who continue to remain judgemental, and condemning rather than showing love and encouragement or the offer to agree in prayer for us for God's leading in our lives. Regardless of where we are, we are to continue to be a demonstration of God's love one to another.
We do not judge the saints but have continued to reach out in love, support and forgiveness. As was mentioned we were a part of this fellowship for many years never losing touch, or contact for some 22 years. We know God is moving us on and we wait upon Him, His Word to our hearts. Praise be to God.

Hello Changedforever

God bless you this day.

Thank you for sharing, it really touched my heart.

My husband and I do not attend a local physical church gathering. We searched for many years, and we did find one a few years ago that I felt strongly God led us to. We no longer attend. We still love and pray for the members that gather together in that particular building.

I don't know if I can put into words the reasons why we both decided to leave that church, other than it was the leading of The Holy Spirit. We both watched as the members tried so very hard to "be the church" but, the leading started feeling more experimental, grasping and following teachings that man teaches and has incorporated into so many churches today, more than what the Word teaches. We both understand that man can easily interpret incorrectly -- us included. Neither my husband or I wanted to cause division, so we bowed out gracefully. Neither of us regret that association because we came to love and care for many people.

I suppose "fellowship" means different things to different people. For me, I find it here at Christianity Oasis.

Could you elaborate a little as to what you find you are missing? Opportunity to serve? Companionship? Corporate Praise and Worship? Pals?

Thank you again for sharing. I'm looking forward to more discussions, Changedforever.

God bless you.
Love,
Mack

Hello Mackenaw, thank you for sharing your heart also. I was so appreciative to hear from someone who is in a similiar situation and understands what it's like. You asked me "could you elaborate a little as to what you find you are missing?" To me what I miss is gathering together with other believers to meet the Lord, the fellowship one with another, the ministering of the saints, where every joint supplies, praying together, encouraging one another. We try to get together with other believers but sometimes things don't work out. That is why I continue to pray Lord bring us to that place where you would have us to be. We have been to several churches but to no avail. It is in God's hands to do the leading as His Way is Perfect. We are not looking for thee "perfect church", for only He is Perfect, but a place where we can once again be a part of a body of believers who genuinely love the Lord and His ways. Though I know the Body of Christ is scattered abroad and not confined to a building. I was blessed to find Christianity Oasis even just to chat with other believers about the Lord for is it has been a blessing. I had visited other chat sites and was deeply disappointed with the lack of love, the condemantion and the heavy debates going on there. Christianity Oasis is not like that I sense a genuine care among those who chat here and a willingness to help. But again am looking forward to fellowshipping together with those whom the Lord may send our way or us their way.
I look forward to chatting with you again Mackenaw. Thank you again for your reply.

Hello Changedforever

Good to hear back from you. I'm lifting you up in prayer to our Lord that you'll find a home church. God's blessed will be done.

I recently read a book that was such a blessing to me. I encourage you to read it, while you are awaiting direction from God on finding a home church. Don't let the title deter you from reading. The title of the book is "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore...an unexpected journey" by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman.

My husband bought it at Walmart, and he shared how much he enjoyed it. I sat it next to my Bible for several weeks before I actually picked it up -- and once I did, I couldn't put it down. It really stirred me. I think you'll enjoy it.

I don't know if you have read any of the studies here on this site, but just in case you are interested, here is the link.
http://www.christianityoasis.com/Keywor ... tudies.htm

Plus, once a week -- during the evening, one of these studies is also shared in Chat. I'm sorry I can't remember the exact date and time, but it's listed on the Chat Calendar of Events (just remember that the times posted are all Eastern Time).

You are in my prayers, Changedforever. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

Thank you so much Mackenaw. I will see if I can find that book and also the "Cool Christian Studies".
God bless Sis