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I love both my parents. I am 38 years old, and unfortunately it has taken me this long to really realize that there is no such thing as perfect parents. All of these years I have held them to a standard that doesn't exist. I have been hurt, disappointed, neglected, and emotionally scared and altered. It is tempting to write a laundry list of wrongs I have suffered at their hands, and some memories would have some pretty good "shock value", but what would be the point?

I am learning that my past is the center of the mistrust I feel for people and it is keeping me chained up, ineffective, and afraid to connect with others. The pain of the past has taught me how to run! It keeps me away. So, I confess all of this to you so I can cleanse these wounds. Yes, I hurt like Hell! But I have Jesus! I have His spirit inside of me! I am accepted! I am loved! He died for me! And He was there to hold me and dry my tears. He has given me beauty for ashes! Now, it is time to let these people off the hook, so I can love like HIM! I want with all of my heart to be like Jesus! Please pray for me while I recover from all of this hidden hurt!

Never in a million years would I ever admit hurt, I used to think I was weak if I did. Then I read about Jesus' last moments on earth, and guess what? He didn't run! He chose to feel His pain, even after betrayal, even after the apostles disappointed HIm with their humaness. (falling asleep while he prayed). Or the pain He felt when Peter actually denied HIM! Point is...Jesus knows all about pain, but he forgives us anyway! Oh, Lord ....I understand what it is you have been trying to make me see! I am willing Lord! Keep me in your prayers!

Hi there,
I use to hold on to the past until I was "grounded" in Philippians 3:12-16

12-14 Yet, my brothers, I do not consider myself to have “arrived”, spiritually, nor do I consider myself already perfect. But I keep going on, grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which Christ grasped me. My brothers, I do not consider myself to have fully grasped it even now. But I do concentrate on this: I leave the past behind and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead I go straight for the goal—my reward the honour of being called by God in Christ.
My ambition is the true goal of the spiritually adult: make it yours
15-16 All of us who are spiritually adult should set ourselves this sort of ambition, and if at present you cannot see this, yet you will find that this is the attitude which God is leading you to adopt. It is important that we go forward in the light of such truth as we have ourselves attained to. NAB Verson.

Was very hard to do . I finally accepted things as they had been. and looked forward. ( looking back occasionally).

We all come from different backgrounds and I have heard of some very bad ones when I was in jails and prison.
Looks as if you are on the right road as the Holy Spirit gave you enlightenment and wisdom.

Thanks for sharing.

Real