Christianity Oasis Forum

by **Lani** » Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:11 pm

Hiya O Family

May I share?

Tonight in SOS, we discussed marriage, the breakdown that results from choices made by one or both parties.... depending on how you view such.

I did not share in program, for a few reasons...One... In midst of convo, I tend to not explain fully and therefore point is lost. So, having taken a step back... I'd like to share now, thanks for reading!

At one point, the convo turned to one's choice leading to the other being angry...
My point tonight, one shared that they are reminded of those poor choices anytime their spouse gets upset.... been there but from the other side. So, my hope in trying to explain is that it will give any in a similar situation understanding of the view that seems so obscure.

In learning of lg's fathers choice to seek another to fulfill his emotional (and other) needs, I was hurt... ok devastated is a better word for it. Hurt gave way to anger and Man Alive, I was Angry. I held onto that anger for so much longer than I needed to... and yes, as others shared, I am guilty of having brought such up in an argument as a reminder to keep him... tied to that poor choice. Am I proud of this? No But, I am now blessed to see HIS truth through it.

I held onto that anger cuz well... anger is way more productive than hurt is. I clean like it is goin outta style when I am ticked... I kid ya not. So see... in my warped sense of reality Anger was good. Whew TY Lord for freedom from self! But that is for another sharing

Anger I could use as fuel for many things, hurt well man it just hurts! And who wants to hurt? Duh

But God was good to work through my anger until all that was left to deal with was the hurt. When faced with dealing with it and moving on or carryin such around till I got sick of it.. I decided I was already sick of it. When I got right down to it, the truth was and remains that I had made some choices of my own that led him to choose to stray...

I was at fault? Ummm What! NO!... No!.... no... no... no? Drats “yeah, you right” ugh

Uh huh, God worked through that too. The deepest root that needed attention was my desire to not admit my part in such. I did not want to face my “guilt” so I blamed him and any time that felt threatened, I reminded him of it. “I am hurting, you are gonna hurt too”

He was not perfect...I imagine he never will be. But, neither am I. Is anyone really?

Over time, through God's Grace alone

I found freedom from that pain. I have forgiven him for that choice and I've forgiven myself for my role in it. And I pray the same will hold true for lg's father.... someday. Hey! It is better than prayin for the stuff I usta pray for. God knows my heart.

Basically, my point is, if you made the choice to stray.. (even if you aren't ready to acknowledge that such was a choice) If you had an affair, and your spouse knows of such either through you sharing or the grapevine and they aren't ready to grant forgiveness.... speaking from my own experience it is likely more about avoiding blaming oneself than it is about accepting the others choice.
Well that, and being faced with the truth that everything I knew in my heart and tried to dismiss was true... whew Pride is ugly.

One shared that what hurt most was not the choices they had made but the reality that they could not take away the pain the other was feeling as a result. The truth of the matter is, the pain you see may not necessarily be about your choice anymore...... That pain may just boil down to pride (perhaps not in all cases, just my theory, put the tar n feather kit away and breathe). Regardless, Just as He is workin in and through you, God will work through their pain to free them... in His time.

Simple truth, God hears our pain, He knows our struggles, and He is working to bring us a way through it all. In everything we face, we are not alone... in walk, in struggle, in hurt, in healing...
God is with us and brings others who have faced same to say “Hey, been there. Let me tell ya what God did for me!” Proof of such is everywhere... if ya need reassuring consider the fact that you are reading this

and that there is an entire family in faith, stretched all over the world available through a click of the mouse to stand with you as you heal.

Thanks for letting me share. Dunno if any of that made any sense

if it didn't, I blame the time lol