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Many Called Few Chosen, I remember going through this program in 2008 I believe it was . That seems like a lifetime ago now. Read the introduction page to the 14 day program. I'm finding myself at a crossroad at the moment. I've thought on it a good bit and have looked to the Lord what to do and decided to come here and go through couple of the programs that’s here, but I’m really not sure which one to start with. Keep thinking back during the time I first went through this program. I hadn't long begun going into a downward fall. Came face to face with reality of my past when the man that molested and raped me for so many years was killed and watched my family morn over him. It stirred up a lot of emotions and threw me into chaos, not to mention a life long mental illness I’ve fought from the time I was a little girl. Was having nightmares, was remembering things I had manage to block out all them years ago. Today I still have times where I'll remember something I had hidden deep within. They still throw me off, but not as bad, usually can shake it off in an hour maybe a day or two times. Have to get myself refocused whenever that happens. All kinds of abuse is something seemed to always follow me. There was never no way to escape. At one point I got mad with and blamed God.

I’ve done my share of face to face counseling now with my Pastor, but he is not exactly my Pastor any more. His wife too now fighting Parkinson disease, so he has had to lighten his load and they have moved out of town. Was texting with his wife earlier tonight we become really good friends, that’s thrown me some , maybe more then some.

I have two classes of kids, between those classes I teach kids from 4k through 5th graders at church. It’s not what I want to be doing. A few years ago I was in one of my classroom was preparing for my class and I stopped and asked the Lord, “Why here, why have You put me with little kids with all the knowledge and understanding You have given me?” Immediately did He answer me and it was so peaceful and deep understanding behind it and so simple. He said deep within my heart, “You are where you’re to be, I'm restarting you.” So much had happen and I became almost completely secluded from everyone. It became really hard and terrifying just being around a small group of people. So for the Lord to restart me with kids was very understanding. Now it feels as though God is beginning to pull me away. Working and teaching little kids isn’t where God is going to keep me though I'm still here.

There is an interesting twist to all this, my mom, for years we studied together in the bible. Many, many times the Lord would take my mom into one study and me into another study, at the end of the day some how or another the Lord by His Spirit would lead us into the same conclusions from two totally different studies or it would be like a puzzle we were putting together. Her findings would interlock with my findings. NOW, with her having dementia her mind is going fast and it feels like I’m gradually watching her decline and decline more and more. I know within my heart my mind time in this world is little coming to an end. So this is all bitter sweet. Bitter seeing and watching all this with my mom. Yet here she has all these studies she has done over the years we studied together, and it’s as though I can feel the Lord letting me know these studies were meant for her and I’m her growth and walk with the Lord. Then also get studies were meant to be for me one day, they literally go hand and hand with one another, they interlock with another. She already given me a few notebooks but that’s only a few out of a couple of mountains worth of hand written studies. It just amazes me the knowledge within it all, and it’s the knowledge of God.

Feels like the Lord has begun prepping me. Then there is something that is somewhat terrifying to me and know it’s something I feel the need to overcome. There has now been a few times over the past couple of years I was suppose to get up in front of a lot of people and speak and I’ve always found someone else to do that for me. But it’s something I feel the need to do for myself now. There is three events coming up where I need to be able to speak in front of a lot of people, a couple hundred.

For the longest time it felt as though God had me out on the front lines, feels as though I got hit over and over till getting wounded pretty bad. I've had to be taken out of the to receive healing. Now that I’m healing and now being prep to go back out to the front lines. Thing is I can already see those front lines maybe not the entirety, only to some degree can I see it.

And there is so much more to all this but I think I’ve tried explaining enough at the moment. Lol.

I want to do this program but cant but wander maybe I should be trying to do another study first before this one.

Sorry if I went off and did some babling but felt good to say all this, taken a little weight off.

In Christ
whispers

It's taken me a few hours after going through day 1to begin this journel for the 14 day program for Many Called, Few Chosen. I'm just not sure what I want to say. Many thoughts went through my mind reading through day 1. But saying anything just isn't there. ........

My thoughts keep going back to times and moments I've experienced with the Lord. Like several years back I told the Lord my kids are His, they belong to Him. A couple of years past and some things happen and it became more than I could handle. When turning to Jesus, He stepped in and held me together. At that point I stopped being and blaming God, thing was I still didn't understand so ended up blaming myself and begin asking God why, why didb He have to allow things to happen, why did he have to let me live with it, the emotional aftermath. But I kept pushing through knowing there was an answer. Then day day while reading in Genesis, God answered my question, I wasn't expecting it, it hit me so hard I fell apart. It was Gen.45:4,5, which says. "And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And He said, I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt./ Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life."

Can't begin to tell you how many times I've read that and now the Lord speaking directly to me through these two verses. See if God had allowed Joseph to die in that pit or die under the hands of the Egyptians, life for the Israelites, God's chosen people
Would not have been preserved. But God used Joseph and allowed him to go through alot.

I wanted to finish writing this out last night I just broke down and poured my heart out to the Lord. It was good, but it just wasn't in me to finish writing what I wanted to say. So here I am finishing what I begin journaling last night.

God allows us to go thru much at times in our lives for a few reasons. One is because He uses us, His children to also preserve life. At the time when God spoke to me thru these two verses He let me know I was to preserve life through my kids. Since the time the Lord had spoken this to me three years ago my 5 children have now given their lives over to the Lord. I have one son who works side by side with me.

Also God may have plans for the one who does hurting. For instance, Joseph's brothers. They despised Joseph, they messed him up then threw him in a pit to die. Instead of killing him, God'sbSpirit moved and had them sell Joseph over into slavery. God sent Joseph to Egypt, not his brothers. For Joseph said, "Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life."

Though Joseph's brother did some pretty horrble things God had mighty plans for them. They make up the 12 tribes of Israel.

Paul use to persecute Christians in a bad way. Yet God had different plans for Paul. Little did Paul know God would use him to write a big part of the New Testament.

Something else, it's these moments where God builds our faith, and sometimes He has to remind us from time to time when we have so little faith as Peter did when walking out to Jesus on the water. He fell and though he fell, Jesus caught him. Jesus had always been there to catch me, He's never let me go. Those momemts I can feel God working on me where my faith is concerned. Constantly calling out to me to trust Him.

That's my thoughts from day 1 yesturday, tonight I'll go through day 2.

Wasn't sure what all I could say on this. Though we as God's children are considered saints in Christ, I'm by far a saint. Its actually amazing that Christ whonlives within us is able to present us before the Father as a saint, holy and without blame. That's pretty amazing considering our (my) sinful nature in the flesh. Ive always believe even before truly becoming a Christian that when I seen or meet someone, it was important to show them kindness. No matter what that person may be like. Believed if we could see into the heart of a person and understand what has made a person as they are then we could understand them better and show more compassion toward that person.

Since becoming a Christian I still believe that but also know God is able to take a person remoldvthem into the one He knows they can be. A transforming of the heart, mind and soul.

My pastor was good at giving me assignments, homework. He would have read chapters. Books in the bible and have me ponder on some question and then writen in it. One of those assignments once was reding the book of John and then aswering this question, "How deep is the love of the Father in His Son?" His Love is boundless, its never-ending. It's the same love Christ has for us, it's the same love we should always shine out to others. That may not be easybut being a child of God's then that love is there within us. It's learning to use that love to always shine forth.

That's where my thoughts have been since reading through day 2 last night. I'm not going to be home next couple of days. My mom isn't doing so well and so going to be with her a bit.

Lord Bless

I'm glad you are working through all that. There are so many layers to it. I'm glad you have that kind of communion with God.

(Your profile says you are a boy, by the way, that's why your name is blue. .)

CCCC is the program designed for working through life's issues. But God may have led you to the other one. God knows things we don't.

I can't imagine going through what you are with your mom. I hope you keep the memories you talked about first and foremost.

I have known people who never had anything bad happen to them beyond having their tonsils out or their grandparent dying. No matter how hard they wanted to have compassion, they just really couldn't. Pain changes us inside - in bad ways sometimes, but in good ways too. I periodically get totally ticked off at God for allowing the amount of evil there is. But if you look at the Old Testament, every time things were good, the Israelites strayed and started ignoring God. When things were bad, then they turned back to God. I still don't understand why people even want to have inappropriate sex - I understand infidelity - but I'm talking about kids and animals and such. Why does that exist?

Ultimately though, God is God and we aren't. Our choice is to be with him or not. We don't get to choose whether or not there is evil in the world.

Joseph is a really good illustration. He certainly went through a lot.

God bless you.

Well I was just replying to you then somehow accidentally saved the post as a draft and now I can't find it. So I just went to see how I can change myself into a female, I don't want to show up as being male , but I haven't a clue how to do that. But I'm on my cell phone so maybe that's why I can't find where to edit or find my reply draft. Phan always helped me out with stuff like this. Btw...where is Phantom? I haven't seen him.

Ok I figured out how to edit my profile, just not sure sure how i found it, just started clicking things.

Was thinking of what you said about evil stuff that hapoens. God knows and had everything under control. God has a reason and purpose for everything He does and allows. We may not always understand not are we able to see the much bigger picture, least not all of it. One day I believe God is going to give us that understanding, we will know. On that day we will be falling upon our knees crying, bowing and praising God with every fiber in us, and He will be embrassing us in away we never felt before cause we will once and for all be in His continuous presence.

whereever i lost that reply draft at, i was babbling about stuff and can't remember all I said, so not going to worrying that.

I've gone through my day seven study but I've been a little speechless at what to say on it.

When your reply disappears, hit the computer back button, the one at the top, and usually it will reappear. (The top of your screen for your browser, not in this page) Took me a while to figure that one out.

Some days I do better with that grief and misery in the world stuff than other days. I do see God's footsteps in my own life though. Consistently.

So, sometimes we just have to trust. And let go.

Was in the kitchen cooking some spaghetti for dinner and had my ear phones on blocking everyone out listening to some music and thanking. Heaven, you hear people all the time wonder what kinds of food there will be in heaven. Spaghetti is completely made up of stuff grown from the ground. Tomatoes, peppers, onions, garlic, oregano, mushrooms and so on. All of those things is what God planted in the days of creation for us to have and use. Have always seen God as the greatest artist there is, I bet He is petty great at cooking too, and no tellin what He has being prepared for the marriage. One thing that always leaves me speechless when I'm able to take a glance at during moments of being in His presence is His Wisdom. It’s Awesome! And during those few moments when you can feel the Holy Spirit revealing God’s wisdom it’s reveals more of who God is. Personally I can't wait till we get to heaven, I think about that a good bit. What an awesome day it will be when we get to be with Jesus.

It’s been an off day for me, my mom almost had a Amber alert go out. She had the police out looking for my brothers three kids. She thought they were missing and she was so worried and scared something bad had happened to them. She was having an hallucination. This happened during the middle of the night. It took me talking to get till she calmed down and could talk her into taking something to help her sleep. She is doing much better now but for how long I do not know. Today my mind has not been fully there, can’t remember if I did today’s step for the MCFC program. I remember the last step I did just wish I remembered when I did it.

It was on the Holy Spirit. We’re already friends, He makes intercession for me during times of Prayer when I don’t always pray as I ought He reveals to me the secrets in which God wished for me to know when studying His word. He is there to pick me up when I can’t get up. He teaches me all the Lord speaks to him to tell me. He guided me into those precious truths that only he can by God’s power. As children of God's, it's a special bond we each have with Him together and individually. It’s through God's Holy Spirit we have a relationship with the Father and Son. It's through Jesus and His shed blood we are able to have a relationship of any kind with all three. The three are one and you cannot have one without the other. It’s an awesome relationship.

Lord Bless

That would be so awkward and embarrassing. That is very hard. I cannot imagine.

I'm glad you know the comforter. It does take an effort to keep communication going. I'm glad you are making that effort.

I was just discussing with my mother about whether there is a physical tabernacle in heaven. She read somewhere that there is - just like the one on earth. I never heard that before in my life. I am very thankful that she is reading stuff that I can disagree with her about.

Hi Dema

Hope your day is going good.

It was more awkward for my brother when the cops showed up on his door steps in the middle of the night. We're looking into finding a nurse that can come stay with her during the nights. That's when it gets the worse.

Read Hebrews 8:1-5 I think it is and then read Ps.27 can't remember which verses but you'll see. It's pretty neat how God has done things. Moses when God told him how to build the tabernacle it was a model after what God showed him, revealed to him. It's all pretty interesting. There are a few other places in scripture but cant think where they are at the moment.

Safety is a big issue for me, and for a while on a spiritual level I lost that sense of feeling safe. God wants us to know that no matter what happens to us phyiscally, He has us we are safe in His hands. For me and I believe for many that have gone through alot of abuse , it's easy to lose that sense of feeling safe, physically, spirtually. That's the enemy coming at us and I know my mind works overtime and not in a good way whenever I'm feeling down. Anyway

Have a blessed day Dema

I do see in Hebrews, but are you sure it is Psalm 27? It talks about tents and tabernacles, but not about what they look like or how they are built. Thank you by the way. I appreciate it.

I understand about that feeling safe. Been there. When it is in your home - well, people should nurture each other in a home. Kids are kids and I think to an extent they feel safer if they see when they've crossed the line. I know they do - depending on how it is done. Kids need to learn how to be safe from themselves and that isn't easy. But still there should be respect and even more so with the parents. Home should be a safe place and your spouse should be your biggest fan. Not your attacker.

As I said, I've been there. My husband now is my biggest fan.

But I think the churches and even the schools should teach the mind concept that your spouse is the person in the world that you should most treat like a treasure. And that you should always be a refuge for them - or try - we are human. But return to being a loving refuge as quickly as possible and keep that in the mind - this is my loving refuge who just offended me. He is still my safe place even though there is a storm. And get it back quickly. We need that so much in life. And so very few people have it.

But God is our true refuge. The human one is temporary and frail. Still we should cherish our spouse.

Reading through MCFC study tonight felt guilt come over me. A few years back I got mad with God, blamed and I rebelled against God. Felt so guilty kept asking the Lord to forgive me. Know matter hard I tried processing things that happened. I wasn't able too. Knew God wasn’t the blame, nor anyone else cause I blamed a couple of people. I've blamed as myself instead. I’ve been told that I need to reach the point of making peace with my past. Problem is I don’t know how, how does someone make peace with rape. Not just as a child and teen but also as an older adult. With help I’ve begin breaking bricks on this high wall I made all around me and I like to think I’ve begun trying to rebuild a more healthier wall. May not have made peace with my past I’m learning to live with it. For the pain is still just as deep w th en it all kept happening.

Day 11 or step 11 is on decrement. There was a lot in it about Job, I'm afraid I’ve let my mind go in all the wrong directions tonight. Z