My Journal for the 14 step program (also on step 2 now)
Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:35 pm
I don't really get step 2 but I think it means just to think of like things that have happened to cause you to feel the way that you do. Or something like that. Of that matter. Right now all I feel is anger. I get mad really easily it doesnt even take much. Even if it's just a spark it evolves and just gets bigger. This feeling never goes away. Even if it does it's only gone not even less than an hr before it comes back. I seem to be mad all the time. When I try to be patient it never works. Seems like there is no hope for me at all or anything. Don't really know what to do anymore. My summer is boring as usual especially in real life. Here isn't so bad but its not real life I don't have any friends in real life or anything. Nothing has changed. The things I want havent came yet. I don't see why everything is God's timing all the time. Cant he see that I need the things now? If he gave us the things I needed I don't think I would be depressed or feeling like I do now at all. I don't even know how school is going to turn out for me. If I'll meet new friends or anything. Depression and anger also other feelings are all that seems to consume me at the moment. I can't even see myself happy anymore or if anyone will come to my rescue. I've always had to come on the computer because my real life sucks. Its like my life is here and not in the real world like it should be. I dont really ask for much. Even if it was just 1 friend to hang with at school instead of being by myself. Or something. God sending me someone in real life. I keep thinking to myself why am I even here. Or what is my purpose. Im so distraught and what, hurt,depressed, sad and the list goes on. If something doesn't happen soon I guess I'll be like this forever. And it seems like no one cares. Especially here in real life.