struggling
Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 11:04 am
Hi everyone,
It has been along time since I posted here. The Lord has done so much for me and my family. My husband has been delivered and we have been much closer. The relationship God has restored has been wonderful. He has gone to church with me several times and I believe God is taking him on his own journey into trust and dependency on him. I thank God for everything he has done.
The other day my husband and I had a slight argument and some of the old mean spirit came out toward me. I hadn't seen that in a long time since December I guess. It really hurt my feelings and just totally caught me off guard. I backed away from the whole thing and even though he has been very loving since I feel myself shutting down again. I can't figure out whether it is the hurt, anger or unforgiveness on my part that causes the wall to go back up. I really don't want the wall to be there but I can't seem to shake it. It scares me because in the past when the wall went up I could never make it go back down. It is a defense mechanism from my childhood. My dad was bipolar and when things got crazy I just didn't have any feelings. The problem is the wall makes me almost nonexistant. I don't feel anything except loneliness and isolation.
I know the devil wants me to be lonely and isolated because he wants me to stop praying for my husband and family. I won't stop praying but I don't know how to get out of this. I wish I could talk to my husband about this but it would probably hurt his feelings and I don't want to do that. He has been trying so hard and it makes him sad that he gets angry and says things that hurt us. He hasn't done it in a long time and everyone has days that we slip. I just need help getting out of this place of depression and separation. When I'm here I can't feel God, love, peace, joy or anything else.
Please help!
inneed
It has been along time since I posted here. The Lord has done so much for me and my family. My husband has been delivered and we have been much closer. The relationship God has restored has been wonderful. He has gone to church with me several times and I believe God is taking him on his own journey into trust and dependency on him. I thank God for everything he has done.
The other day my husband and I had a slight argument and some of the old mean spirit came out toward me. I hadn't seen that in a long time since December I guess. It really hurt my feelings and just totally caught me off guard. I backed away from the whole thing and even though he has been very loving since I feel myself shutting down again. I can't figure out whether it is the hurt, anger or unforgiveness on my part that causes the wall to go back up. I really don't want the wall to be there but I can't seem to shake it. It scares me because in the past when the wall went up I could never make it go back down. It is a defense mechanism from my childhood. My dad was bipolar and when things got crazy I just didn't have any feelings. The problem is the wall makes me almost nonexistant. I don't feel anything except loneliness and isolation.
I know the devil wants me to be lonely and isolated because he wants me to stop praying for my husband and family. I won't stop praying but I don't know how to get out of this. I wish I could talk to my husband about this but it would probably hurt his feelings and I don't want to do that. He has been trying so hard and it makes him sad that he gets angry and says things that hurt us. He hasn't done it in a long time and everyone has days that we slip. I just need help getting out of this place of depression and separation. When I'm here I can't feel God, love, peace, joy or anything else.
Please help!
inneed