Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Hey my friends,

This is day two for me. Day one is done but ended up being written elsewhere.

What is going on with me now is I am in mourning over the end of my marriage. It has hurt me a lot, especially of over the holidays. I still miss my wife a lot and I am also angry with her, though most of the time is is more sadness. I feel a lot of regret for not finding a way to save my marriage. I also feel shame even though the divorce I have faced was not by my choice. To some degree I have withdrawn from my friends because I am embarrased that this has happened to me. While I am on this difficult topic, if you would pray for healing for my family and for God's will to be done that would be wonderful. I do love my wife and daughter and I want to see us reconciled, but whatever his will is, that is what is truly best even if I don't understand it.


I noticed on Saturday God began surronding me with messages related to forgiving in my heart and having mercy. I have asked for prayer to help me fully forgive my wife for leaving and to also forgive myself.

Now, I do know, what has happened has not been all for the bad. As it promises in God's word, he makes all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Were it not for the pain of divorce I have faced, I would not be here as a moderator now able to help people who are hurting because I know what it is like. Before, I wouldn't even dare speak because I would be like, "how do I even identify with this kind of pain?". I would feel bad, but feel unable to help. Now, the experience I have had helps me have compassion on others.

Learning to have such pain and yet go on is what builds patience, character, perseverence, and hope. I am growing and seeing Christ's character developed in me. I want this, but I've learned we cannot identify with Christ's sufferings without being willing to bear some suffering ourselves. Come Lord Jesus, make the changes in me that leave more room for you, even if it hurts in the process. My life, my heart, my family is all yours.

Today I was to surround myself with reminders of who I am in Christ. I already have a lot of those things around. I like listening a lot to the Bible on CD while I am driving to work and home again and that is a good reminderof the truths of God. I think my goal may need tobe more on the end of weeding out the things that do not reflect who I am in Christ. As I look around my room I see clutter. I shall have to work at putting myself in order. But right now, i want to spend some time with my dear brothers and sisters at Oasis.

Love you all,

Kermit

Kermit, As i was reading your post and felt your yearning; Galatians 6: 2 popped in my head and states: "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."
I could feel your burden as I have experienced somewhat the same.
I just want to commend your dedication in serving the Lord here and the great job you do as you have gone through trials, yet not perplexed.
The Lord has used you even though you have had to experience these mishaps. You are fighting the fight of faith, yet, humble enough to come here and share what is Real.
I respect your attitude and commend you in allowing God to use you during these times.
Just remember that you have blessed me as well as others here. God's love is manifested within and it shines through you even though you may not see it. But some of us do. So smile my friend. Luv Ya Bro.

ljd wrote:there's a song that says... Got any rivers you think are uncrossable? Got any mountains you can't tunnel through? God specializes in things thought impossable. He does the things that others cannot do.......Often I find my self singing it over and over

Amen sis.

I am blessed to have such wonderful encouragers looking out for me.

I missed my blog yesterday on Grace. But being Grace was the focus, I won't be hard on myself .

Day 4 was on Forgiveness

God has really been addressing this with me lately. There are all sorts of things we consider to be forgiveness but real forgiveness is restoring the relationship back to where it was before the hurt at least as far as it is up to me.

The people I need to forgive the most are my ex-wife and myself. I have been coming along on this. I want to forgive but i am still holding on to hurt. I am holding on to my right to feel wronged, but that is causing me pain and making it hard to move on. I know Jesus has a greater love than this, the love that says, "Father forgive them, they do not know what they are doing."

Father, it isn't in my power to forgive like this, give me this supernatural forgiveness. Help me let it go and give it to you. It is only through you I can forgive as i ought to forgive. In Jesus name, Amen.

Brothers and sisters, thank you so much for your prayers.

I love you all,

Kermit

kermit
I too can relate to what you are going through. My ex-husband deserted me while I was pregnant for our third child. He abused me and our son.
I didn't think I would ever recover from it all. But God began to heal me.
It took time. But slowly I began to heal. I also through a miracle was able to tell my ex-husband that I forgave him. It took time for me to get to that point.
God blessed me by giving me a new husband and a new life. I always wondered why God made me to be such a Mother. I Mother everybody. Even as a child I Mothered neighbor hood kids. I hated that part of me for years and years. But God made me that way for a reason. Because I would not have been able to bring up my new husbands daughter plus a neighbors daughter whos Mother had left her if I had not been made the way I am. Also God has used my experience of abuse and also being a single parent by bringing other women in my life who are going through the same thing. I don't look for them but God brings them to me over and over again. I have been able to pray and counsel many women now who have gone through what I did. I am telling you this because God will use all of it for His honor and His glory.
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6
That is a promise. No if's and's or but's
Praise Jesus Kermit!
Luv you
Sylvia

Sylvia wrote:kermit
I too can relate to what you are going through. My ex-husband deserted me while I was pregnant for our third child. He abused me and our son.
I didn't think I would ever recover from it all. But God began to heal me.
It took time. But slowly I began to heal. I also through a miracle was able to tell my ex-husband that I forgave him. It took time for me to get to that point.
God blessed me by giving me a new husband and a new life. I always wondered why God made me to be such a Mother. I Mother everybody. Even as a child I Mothered neighbor hood kids. I hated that part of me for years and years. But God made me that way for a reason. Because I would not have been able to bring up my new husbands daughter plus a neighbors daughter whos Mother had left her if I had not been made the way I am. Also God has used my experience of abuse and also being a single parent by bringing other women in my life who are going through the same thing. I don't look for them but God brings them to me over and over again. I have been able to pray and counsel many women now who have gone through what I did. I am telling you this because God will use all of it for His honor and His glory.
"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6
That is a promise. No if's and's or but's
Praise Jesus Kermit!
Luv you
Sylvia

Sylvia,

Thank you for your encouragement. I know what you say is true.

Grace and I have lost something precious in having the daily joy of relationship with my wife and it really blows my mind to think that the woman I love dearly has done this to us. But God has used this to enable me to reach people who are hurting.

At least one person may have been prevented from taking their life because I was able to be there for them as a result of my marriage problems. I do not boast of myself, but only of God's love and power and wisdom. He knew the needs that could be met as a result of my hardship.

He also knows I love him and am his servant, willing to face whatever hardship as long as he is with me through it. I see his master plan at work. I fear God will continue to test me right up to my ability to endure, but Jesus laid his life down for me to save my soul while I was yet helpless in my sins. Can I complain? Sure, but fact is, I am not my own. My life is his, and he has things he wants to do through me, although he could use another. But while he is using me to accomplish the things he had in mind to do through me, he also is working to make me like him, allowing me to know to some extent, the fellowship of his suffering.

I pray to know him more, then should I complain when I suffer a little, when he suffered much for me? Sure, I can, I may need to to be honest before God who desires truth within, but I do want to grow and this is done through trials that help us to learn patience which builds endurance which builds hope, which doesn't disappoint us because that hope is in the one who never lets us down.

Man, when I start paraphrasing Paul for some reason it's just one run on sentence after another. !

God has an awesome plan that brings healing to broken hearts like mine is and yours was. I have been encouraged by so many God has prepared for the purpose of my healing. And as you say, this is a gift I am now able to pass on even as i am healing.

buddy wrote:May our Lord bless you abundantly Kermit. I too have experienced the pain of a divorce in my life. For many years I was unable to trust women over this experience. As a result I was in a relationship for 10 years before I was able to get married again and that was only because Christ found me.

After I got saved my girlfriend wasn't far behind and a week after she found the Lord we were married. I believe most of that was from the hurt that I endured through the previous marriage, but Christ helped me get over that and gave me a wonderful woman.

I am glad to hear that the Lord is working on your heart to forgive her. That justified pain that we carry is really pride and until we let go of it we are held prisoners by it. I found out the hard way. God will work it out for the good though. keep lookin up.

Lord bless you Kermit

Thanks bro,

It means a lot to hear how you have healed. Your prayers are doing wonders. I will get through this and forgive my wife in my heart. His peace passes all understanding and I will take hold of it. It is a battle right now, so please keep praying.

Love ya bro,

Kermit

ljd wrote:hey partner,
Missed talking to you, somehow my computer shut down for a while. When my kids were in school they would come home and inform me of their the rights that they had been taught to exercise in school. You know constitutional rights, personal rights, whatever other kinds of rights we can have. Since we live in an age that depends on "rights" it's hard to justify letting go. Remember Paul said "all things are lawful, but not all are expedient." Yes, we have the "right" to be angry, bitter, and revengeful. These things hurt us! You have the "right to take a hot pan out of the oven with your bare hands. You will most definitely get burned, but it's your right. I know it sounds like I am making light of a serious situation, but look at it, it is the same! You have a "right" to hold on to the bitterness of the hurt, but it only hurts you more, so some "rights we have to choose not to exercise. Love ya brother.

How well put my friend. I will remember that. I have the right to take hot pans from the oven with my bare hands as well as the right to not forgive my wife, it is really a right to be hurt and not heal. Who needs such rights? It is better to be healed and whole!

I haven't the power in me to snap out of it by simple reason, but what you said is totally true!

Now I need to give this into the hands of the one who made me. He knows how I tick and how to fix my ticker. The Holy Spirit binds up the broken hearted and I need that from him.

Father help me to forgive my wife and be healed by your living waters. Soothe my heart and help me let go of all of the anger that wells up in me so easily when my mind is allowed to dwell on self pity. Help me to focus on your goodness and how I can serve you and glorify you. In Jesus name, Amen

kermie son....yes you are going thru some tuff stuff right now...and there is nothing i can say that hasn't already been said..except to say that in the midst of your pain..you are helping others get through theirs, and that is part of the healing ....you are surrounded by love and prayers here, and most of all, you have the father,Son and the Holy Spirit..love ya

foreverHis wrote:kermie son....yes you are going thru some tuff stuff right now...and there is nothing i can say that hasn't already been said..except to say that in the midst of your pain..you are helping others get through theirs, and that is part of the healing ....you are surrounded by love and prayers here, and most of all, you have the father,Son and the Holy Spirit..love ya

Thanks mom. I appreciate all of the support I have very much. I have been focusing on one negative in my life, the loss of my wife to divorce, but the truth is my blessings outweigh my difficulties.

As Paul said in Romans 8:18 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

I am being made into the likeness of Jesus Christ as are all my dear brothers and sisters. What is any difficulty compared with God's desire to bless us and make us healed and complete in Jesus?

Rather than focus on the negative, that I have lost my wife and even as scripture declares, "It is not good for man to be alone." I need to focus on the many blessings I have now and the things that are to come.

This difficulty has brought me closer to God.
It is building Christ's character in me.
It has given me the chance to find many new and wonderful brothers in sisters in Chist who I love dearly.
It has freed me to serve god without concern for making time for my wife. As it says in 1 Cor 7:32-33, "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the affairs o this world - how he can please his wife and his intersts are divided."
I have more time to serve God because of this loss. "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for wse sake I have lost all things.

And then there is the challenge James presents - James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So all this difficulty makes me of more use to the one who loves us more than life? I miss my wife, but I rejoice that I am able to serve Christ better through this.

Love you all, my dear siblings in Christ,

Kermit

buddy wrote:Thank you for sharing kermit.Your words are inspirational. I wish that I would have had that wisdom so many years ago. I would've saved myself a lot of pain. On the other hand wihtout that I wouldn't be who I am today.

Glory be to GOD FOR ALL THINGS. Be it blessings or persecution.His will be done for He is shaping us into His vessels. He is the potter we are the clay. A broken vessel allows more living water to flow out and as a result feeds many more people. For His sake let us all be broken. The light also shines more brightly out of a vessel with many cracks, to illuminate a darkened world.

ty Jesus

Amen bro, hearing your words of surrender to the one who loves us more than life makes my heart burn within me. Thank you also for sharing.

I was also blessed by these words from ljd and i want to share them here:

".........Her name is Grace. She clings to you as you sit holding her in your arms. You wonder if you have the strength to show how to be all that she can be. She has given you the very reason for living. Oh yes there have been times that you wished that God would take you home and be done with this life of torment; but then there was Grace. You can see her pleading eyes though she lays sleeping against your chest. Her love for you is eternal and without condition. How can you give her even a portion of what she has already given you? She needs you; you need her. You feel inadequate, incomplete, an incapable but God says, " My grace is sufficient" You stroke her hair and know that God gave your Grace to help you always remember His grace; and that in His grace He gave you Grace. You say a prayer, "Lord don't let my pain destroy her spirit." And he says, lovingly back to you, "Son, don't allow the thoughts into your soul that will squelch your spirit and minimize your grace." You know in your heart that your bitterness spreads to her heart like a weed. Oh to know how to let go! But, wait, in the midst of heartache there is peace.....You have Grace. "

I am blessed to have such a beautiful daughter. I do indeed fear that my slowness to heal could hurt her. But God will work on this because I am willing in my spirit. The flesh is yet weak, but I know that he who began a good work is faithful and will bring it to completion in me, bring about in my heart the likeness of Jesus.

On the topic of habits. A habit I want to stop is one I really don't want to start working on until tomorrow. Yep, you guessed it! Procrastination. My plan is each day to do something I want to put off. If I miss a day, as Lizzie explained, I will start over and try for another 40 days. I can imagine it will be truly overcome if I can put together 40 days of not procrastinating! Doing something I know is often not nearly as bad as worrying about it. Pray that I do well in overcoming this bad habit my dear brothers and sisters. I need the support of the body to conquer a challenge like this!

Love you all,

Kermit

Last night was an amazing study!

I realized going through it how often I must grieve the Holy Spirit with thoughts and actions. The Holy Spirit is infinitely loving and therefore also sensitive our sinfull thoughts and feels hurt when we go our own way pursuing sin instead of him.

Whenever we sin, what must it be like for the Holy Spirit who is inside us and is infinitely loving? It is clear we need Jesus cleansing us so that God can see us as clean and the Holy Spirit can dwell in us.

I loved the definition given in the study of what it means to be filled witthe Holy Spirit. To be filled with the Holy Spirit is to be surrendered. Now I understand why Paul instracted Christians, who would of course have the Holy Spirit, to be filled with the Spirit.

Being a Christian does not mean you are surrendered, but when we surrender to the Holy Spirit that is when we are filled.

I want to learn to make my heart a place where the Holy Spirit makes himself at home. To do this I must be surrendered. When I am filled with Him, then he will keep me from falling for the bad thoughts Satan is trying to sow.

Love you Holy Spirit. Help me not to grieve you by giving into bad thoughts sowed by your enemy. Help me be transformed by the renewing of my mind as I offer you my life. Keep my path straight and when I fall, forgive me and restore me. You know my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. It is by your grace alone I can stand. All praise to you Jesus who loved me more than life. Thank you Holy Spirit for being patient with me and remaining with me though I am only righteous by Christ's blood. Thank you Father for loving me so much you sent your son. Life is often difficult, but when I realize how good you are to me, the only thing to do is be thankful and worship. Love you Lord, Amen

Thanks to all who read for letting me share a little of my journey through the program with you. It is not an easy thing to do this. It has brought up in me some pain I hadn't dealt with, but I will press on. Prayers are welcome my dear siblings in Christ.

Love you all,

Kermit

you're doing great kermie son....you are also an inspiration and an encouragement to others here as well..keep loving and looking to our Lord...every good thing comes from above....and your Grace is such a loved little lady... love ya's..and God bless