Christianity Oasis Forum

[findingmyself]

I am very happy and excited that I have found this online Christian counseling site! So my “problem” may not seem important or as bad compared to many others but I find that Love is a very important part to everyone’s life, no matter what stage you are at. So here’s my story: I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over six months and everything has been so good until the past 3 weeks. To be fair, he is getting into the transition stage from college to his career and we live almost an hour apart so it is HARD to see each other. Before yesterday we hadn’t seen each other for three weeks and I am one to allow issues to build up then I explode! I was mad at him for not seeing me last weekend but rather than just talking about that problem, I brought up stuff he didn’t even know I was mad/worried about. I’m also very paranoid and think that when everything is going perfect something is bound to happen. Well I blew up on him questioning our relationship, whether or not he still wanted me or if he even missed me because I had been feeling down and just didn’t feel wanted by him. Now let me tell you about something that happened three months back so you fully understand. I had been telling him I love him and he would say it back but I could tell he didn’t mean it. One day I finally got it out of him…he said he didn’t love me but he really cares for me. He had tried saying he loved me back, but it just didn’t feel right to him. So back to the NOW. When we met up yesterday we talked about everything and whether we were going to work out our relationship. He told me, again, that he cared about me, that it’s not fair to me how busy he is and that our timing just sucks. He also said that he doesn’t love me and that he’s honestly not sure if he ever will. He brought up that he may not trust people yet (his parents just got divorced a little over a year ago). I told him that timing means nothing because if he wants to be with me, then he wants to be with me! It’s hard to hear that he doesn’t love me and that he might never love me because I really do feel as if I truly love him. Giving time and having patience is key, but I don’t know how long I should wait around or if I’m missing the signs that it’s not meant to be. I love him enough for the both of us, everything about him makes me entirely happy and I enjoy making him happy. I am willing to put my heart on the line and wait because I know that no matter what everything will be okay. I still have love and support in my life so even if he doesn’t end up loving me, I will of course be upset and devastated but eventually I will heal and move on. We both said that we wanted to be together (his was a little harder to believe but he did get mad/upset when I was timid and questioning whether or not he really wanted to be with me still). Before all of that yesterday, we had been cold and short with each other so yesterday we said we would make things better. Well I am trying to lighten it up between us and be happy but I still feel as if he is holding back. I guess I am asking for words of wisdom…advice…encouragement…words of God!

After reading this I have noticed that I said some faults about myself and seemed to blame our blowup on myself but that is not the case. It really takes two to argue and we Are trying to figure things out.
Thank you for your replies in advance!

[jimf]

findingmyself, I think you have come to the right place. I am not qualified nor able to give "advice" on your relationship with your boyfriend, but I do feel able to answer a couple of your statements. You wrote " I guess I am asking for words of wisdom....advice....encouragement....words of God!, and on your profile you wrote "I would love to consider myself christian, but there is so much I need to learn". First, being a "christian" according to the Word of God means that you have recieved eternal life. It's not that you exist forever, everyone does (just not at the same place). Eternal life is this, according to the words and definition given by Jesus Christ. In John 17:3 Jesus says, Now THIS IS ETERNAL LIFE, that they may know You, the only true God and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. Being a "christian" is knowing Father God and Christ. This knowing is not just knowing about, IT IS A REAL AND LIVING RELATIONSHIP (a loving and extremly close friendship in more simple terms). As far as wisdom, advice, encouragement and words of God, THIS RELATIONSHIP WILL GIVE YOU ALL OF THESE. The best "ADVICE" I can give is to begin a "program" called The Healing Path, in the C.O.O.L. counseling programs. IF you will commit to spending some time every day for the next 14 days, You will begin an incredible relationship with God. As you know, it takes 2 people equally commited to make a relationship work. Christ has and is doing His part, the question is Will YOU? Please don't take this last statement as harsh. GIVE HIM THE NEXT 14 DAYS and give Him a chance to prove His commitment to you? HE IS SERIOUS WITH ANYONE, WHO IS SERIOUS ABOUT KNOWING HIM. My prayer is that You will commit to this program AND I am praying for you. Jimf

[findingmyself]

Jimf, thank you for your kind words! Starting off day 1 I did not know what to expect, so I just went with what was on my mind and what I had thought that my problem was. I just finished day 2, and have realized that this problem is just the weed, and the root is that I let doubt enter my mind. (I hope this makes sense, I am trying to explain it to the best of what I have learned thus far).
As far as having a loving and extremely close friendship with God, I sometimes feel as if I have let him down. Many people have these beautiful prayers that they say at dinner (I choose dinner because that's when I hear their prayers) but I feel as if I do not pray the "right way." Is there a right way? In my Christian studies class, my professor would have a 5 minute "do nothing, silent" time to which I spent talking to God. When I talk to God, sometimes I feel like I am writing in a journal, only better because I do thank Him for blessing me, I will ask for forgiveness, ask to be steered in the direction he has planned for me, and whatever else may be on my mind. I know that God accepts all, but I guess what I am asking is if the way I talk to Him should be improved..?

[jimf]

findingmyself, You are most definitly on the right path. As far as letting Him down, we all have and I know that there are times that I still do. BUT, He is faithful, it's His greatest desire for this loving and extremely close friendship to be real and for you and Him to share life together. As far as prayer, It is no more than talking/listening to God. Beautiful words mean absolutley nothing without sincerity. He looks into your heart, and I believe He's proud of you.He will do His part and you must do yours. Remember it takes 2 people for this to work. Be faithful in searching for Him. Healing Path is a great guide to developing this friendship. Many start, but it seems that few finish. BE FAITHFUL, YOU ARE IN FOR A MIRACLE. Always remember, there are many people praying for you. Have a blessed day.