Christianity Oasis Forum

[KrysyK]

I know my problem is small and maybe it shouldn't even be a problem but it's been so hard. I consider myself to be very strong- every one excepts me to be this superhuman being and I have always lived up to it or pretended to live up to it, but now I am tired. I feel lonely even though I know I am not alone. I have been sleeping with my Bible and turning to it for every little answer that I am afraid i may be misunderstanding or misuing the power of God's word.
Recently I broke up with my boyfriend of about a year. It felt like it was the right thing to do, i was unhappy and I was angry. I felt like there was no use talking to him. As soon as I broke it off i realized it was a mistake and I tried to ammend things. His response was not what I expected, he said I deserve better and he realize he doesnt make me happy and he would rather give me up than make me unhappy. We've been in a long distance relationship and we had problems communicating. We are both away studying- he's in the caribbean and I am in asia- it's challenging but we have always been both focused on our academics and future careers and our relationship have suffered.
At first he said he wanted to give me time and wanted me to find happiness because he felt he changed me into someone less than who I was when we met. He thinks I am phenomenal and he doesn't deserve me- or so he said. I know he feels inadequate in school at times, so i think its possible he may feel inadequate as a boyfriend- i may have made him felt that way when i broke up with it. He hasn't said there is no hope for us in fact he said it's not that he doesnt think there is hope for us, it's just that he doesnt want me waiting around for him to try and be a better man.
Well it's been about a month and since then I have gone back twice or maybe 3 times to ask if he is ready now to give us a try. The last time I asked he said he just wants to focus on his applications for medical school and he doesn't know what will happen, only time will tell and he doesnt want to waste my time. He said he knows we should work things out together but this is something he wants to alone. Apparently he has issues feeling like he is good enough for me, he thinks he mistreated me and I suppose he did. Nevertheless I still love him and I want to be with him. I have faith that God will heal our relationship but I need to be patient and persistent in prayer. I have been praying and I do believe that we will be together, I don't doubt my ex boyfriend's love for me and I feel that God brought us together. I am only 22 and my ex is 21 so we are both young but I feel like I found the one. He is a good guy and I know he will be a great husband and father one day. He does get too consumed with his work and he is distant at times but I feel like those are things we could or should overcome together with time, but he feels differently.
I am sad and I cry a lot, I've lost weight and I feel lonely at times because I am originally from central america which means I am far away from home. I just want to heal my broken heart and use the time to become closer to God and to be a better person. I also don't know if I am just in denial or if God has really spoken to me and told me that he will bring us back together. Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres right?
I have stopped talking to my ex because I always find myself asking him back out and I feel pathetic, I also feel like he is not comfortable with the question. He said he wants to focus on his academics and know where he will be in the next few years, he recently sent out his med school applications and I dont want to be a burden to him. The last time I spoke to him I told him that I am not giving up on us but that I would try my best not to bring up about us getting back together. He said that meant a lot to him. So since then I have cut myself off from most people while \clinging on dearly to my Bible and God. I trust everything will work out in God's perfect timing, but in the mean time I just want to feel 'normal' again. Both my ex and I will go home for the summer in about 4 months time and I hope to see him and get a definite answer then, for now I am so confused.

[Dora]

Trust in God and your appetite will return. He has a good plan for you. He loves you more than any human possibly could. If your future is with this man or not Gods will is the very best.

I'm glad you shared and that you are doing the cccc steps. I pray you find peace soon.

[momof3]

I agree. Use this time to let the Lord work in you. Keep praying for your ex..and bless him that way. I dont know what the Lord has in store for you and your ex, but I do know that whatever His will is, you will be happy and peaceful in it. The goal is to surrender our own wills to His. Total surrender isnt easy...that free will thing but!!! without giving us the freedom to choose, we wouldnt know what His love really is about.

Let Him work in you through this time, sister. This is an awesome journey to take and He wants to show you so much. Let Him love on you and bring healing to your heart..focus on your garden while the Holy Spirit shows you the beauty He has created in you.

In Jesus,
love momo

[KrysyK]

Thank you both, it means more than you can ever both imagine. I will continue to pray and focus on the Lord I am thankful for this experience because it is bringing me closer to him and I will keep praying, for my ex and for our relationship too. God bless