Christianity Oasis Forum

[Angel of Hope]

I hope I am on the right page for the journal.. I want to share some of my health problems and trials of life, by doing so I hope to be able to let others know they are not alone in lifes struggles and trials. Maybe I will better understand why life has been so hard a struggle for me. Everyone has struggles in life, just have different problems or trials we go through.. but they seem just as bad for them as it does in my own battles. I have had pain in my adult life it seems like always. I have had plenty of good days and joyful days also. I feel verrry blessed for having any I can get. The grief started when losing so many family members and some friends so close together. My mother-inlaw died in 1998 in a car accident when logging truck hit her van. she had just recovered from open heart surgery, I felt blamed for her accident for awhile since she was coming to my house to bring us some okra, I have got over that now.Knowing I wasn't responsible and that God has His timing set for us to leave this world. Then father-inlaw died in 2001 from lung cancer, that was a terrible time.I was sick taking perdisone for a lung problem called scardosis.. cant spell alot of the words.. that is inflammation in nodes in the lungs. The doctors thought I had cancer. God was with me through this , but I swollen up so big from the predisone.( the only med they had to treat it with) and since I had high blood.. the perdisone shot my blood pressure way up and I was hyper, and not doing at all well on the med. The worse being I got glacoma and some little catracts from taking the perdisone. Doctors had to take me off the med fast.
I have taken smaller doses of predisone since then.. but not for long. I forgot to say I had total hysterectomy at 29.. because of endormetorisis.
That realy messed me up on blood pressure and hot sweats all these years. About 4 months after that surgery had hemoroid surgery.. they have returned over the years again.
My mom got sick and had mental break down. in and out of pyschratic hospitals.. finally diagnosed with bi-polar disease.. chemical imbalance in brain. My sisters and I had a very hard time caring for mom for years with all her mental problems. Finally got her med right and helped her alot more. She came down with COPD and was on oxygen at the end. My sisters and I totally cared for all her needs. she died in Jan 2008.. I not only lost a mom but my best friend., we were very close to our mom. the grief has been unbelievable. I still get upset and cry when memories pop up about her. Then what was so much worse my stepdad died 3 months later in April 2008 from grief and health problems. while he was in hospital my youngest sister was hit almost headon in car accident from drunk driver.. she was hurt very badley.. but was able to attend her dad's funeral,.. she is my half sister. but to me she is my full-blooded sister in all ways. Love her very much. My full blooded sister was in minor accident with car after mom died coming to my house and totaled her car.. This sister died unexpectly in April 2010. she was 6 years younger than me. The grief for her has been so bad.
I lost a next door neighbor lady at the same time sister died,, we had been neighbors for 33 years. That was a great loss. All my aunts and uncles on moms side passed away before she did .. there were 12 of them in all counting my mom.she was the last to pass on.
Now as for my health I live in alot pain daily from fibromyalgia. Chronic fatigue..and IBS. I also have a deteriorating disc in neck... from an car accident.. dr thinks. and pinches the nerve down arm into hand,, the pain has finally moved down my whole right side.. and have tingling and numbness at times. the weather chances make the pain worst. I take one day at a time.. never knowing what each day will be like. I may stay in bed alot and cant do much of anything. then I have some good days when the pain isnt soo bad.My loving husband really helps me out alot. buying groceries and going shopping etc. when I am not able.He still works and took early retirement at age 62.. because he was out of work almost 2 years before he found another job. I did childcare when I could to help out during this time. I was diagnosed last week with squamous cell carcinoma on base of my tongue.. I was sooo upset and scared,, since they said using robotic surgery to remove it.. that it would be more precise for small areas like the mouth.I am hoping and praying that is all the cancer there is.
I was looking for a site for support. I decided the best site I needed was a great christian site. I have been on groups for support for pain. even was an assistant manager for alittle while.. this was after mom had died also. I just couldnt handle any more grief and pain so I gave it up. but I am a christian and love the Lord soo much. God has been with me through all the things I have been through in my life. This is just some of the problems I have had in life. I know alot of people have worst problems than me. I pray for everyone and love all people know matter who they are or where live. God created all humans and He loves us all, He just hates our sins. I have made many mistakes in my life.. some bad, but all sins are bad. I have asked for God forgiveness over and over for these sins,and to give me strength to overcome them. God has been good to me and my family.. without God I would not be here today.. He is the one guiding and leading me through all this and I know He is in control.I have to learn to trust and have more faith.. sometimes it has got weak.. during the pain and grief. I know God and His Angels watch over us daily and protect us from many things. God has blessed me with 2 beautiful granddaughters,, 5 yrs and 10 months. I love them so much and my daughters and their husbands, I didnt think I would be a grandmother.. My oldest daughter and husband cant have children,, my youngest daughter it took almost 11 years to have a baby,, and she had to take infertile pills. I became a grandmother when I had just turned 54. God gave us another miracle. I am looking to God to care for me in all my healthcare needs and financial problems. I have wrote soo much, and misspelled alot words... As for how I have felt today I am blessed.. but still nervous about the upcoming test and surgery. It is the fear of the unknown. but I know God will be with me all the way .How do I know this? Because He has always been with me and my family during any trials or whatever our health problems have been. So I will tell others like I always usually say.. Never give up and Keep the Faith and Hope and Take One Day at a Time.
God Bless and Love to All. Angel of Hope

[dema]

I am sorry for all your pain and grief.

You don't need to ask God forgiveness for the same sin over and over. God is faithful to forgive us our sins and to remove them as far as the east is from the west.

I do encourage you to do all that you can. While the Bible does NOT say God helps those who help themselves - in fact it says "When we are weak, then He is strong" still, doing what you can is an act of faith. A believing in God to heal.

So, stretch yourself physically. Walk a little farther than you feel like walking. Stretch a little further than you feel like stretching. Get exercise tapes that are appropriate for you - ask your doctor or join the Y and take the water classes. It can have amazing results for the particular ailments that you mention.

I wrote to a friend today - I think I will copy it into Dema's Devotions. You might take a peak.

God bless you. I praise Him for your love and faith.

[Angel of Hope]

Thanks for your feedback Demi. I am willing to try harder on the walking even if it is in my hallway... I have a long hall.. I know I need more excerise, but the pain gets so bad when I overdo. I know I dont have to ask God over and over to forgive me. I said that because I fail at alot bad habits I have. I keep asking God to forgive me all the time whenever I repeat the same sin, and to help me overcome the bad habits I have. Thanks again for your post. God Bless You! Love, Angel Of Hope