My Stepping Stone 1
Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:47 pmHey there,
not sure what to expect from this, but i'm going to try out this Christian Counseling with an open mind to all of God's possibilities. To explain my situation in the most simple way as possible I will start by saying that throughout my life I have always battled to be successful. I have experienced many triumphs in my life, but somehow always found a way to sabatoge myself and end up feeling as though i had taken 2 steps forward only to fall back 1,000.
This pattern of mine has somehow become such a habit that to this day I am battling one of the most BIGGEST mistakes I think I could have ever made in my life. At this point in my life I wake up haunted everyday by the thought that I have totally messed up my chance for a successful future. I was attending a work program for young adults called JobCorps (where I lived in a dorm and they trained me in a trade and placed me in College after i completed my trade) from March 2010 to March 2011. Within that time I finally thought that I had found my place in the world and was setting myself up for a new journey to a brighter future with a well paying job and security and peace of mind.
At this time I was focusing on my education but had neglected my spirituality and had yet to find myself a church family. I met my boyfriend in August 2010 and I felt I had fallen in love. we spent every weekend together and spent our time talking about our future and the amazing job I will be able to have once I finish my schooling. Along with these conversations, eventually he would begin talking about me moving in with him. As time went on the more attractive that idea began to appear. By March I was spending my spring break with him and when it was time to go back to JobCorps I had decided somewhere in my mind that I did not want to go back. I had convinced myself that just by moving in with him didn't mean that I would have to stop going to school. I told myself that I could still be disciplined enough to live with him (an hour bus ride away from my school that I was attending) - and continue school and finish the semester which would have ended in May.
I ended up AWOL dropping out of JobCorps with no contact to them of what my plans were. Within that time I had also made a failed attempt to finish my semester of school.
This is something that I wake up remorseful about almost every single morning.
Now it is October, within the time that I have been living with my boyfriend and his family, it took me until the middle of September to finally find myself a job. it's not the best job in the world but this is my 5th week and so far all of my coworkers have responded well to me and I have learned all the skills pretty quickly so it is nice to know that I am at least doing ONE thing right now, and the cherry on top is that I bring home a paycheck every week.
Now that I am working and have some kind of income, I want to begin to release this demon of this mistake that is weighing on my shoulders every day. I want to feel secure in myself again. i want to go back to school at some point and get myself the education that I deserve. I also want to be independent from my boyfriend's family's home. I really feel like my boyfriend and I could have a better future together once we really become independent from the rest of his family.
I am just scared everyday.
His family can be mean some times. They aren't as family oriented as the family that i grew up in. ugh, sorry but it seems like if its not one thing in my life, its something else. Thats why - like i said earlier - I want my boyfriend and I to be able to be independent from the house and family we live with now.
ok, I think I covered all the bases of my worries thus far in my life. Not sure if anyone will be able to relate or give me advice but the ONE positive thing is that when my work schedule allows, I am able to attend a church, but I'm always looking for other ways to release my concerns so here's to the start of my 14 day Christian Counseling!
-MsPoetical
not sure what to expect from this, but i'm going to try out this Christian Counseling with an open mind to all of God's possibilities. To explain my situation in the most simple way as possible I will start by saying that throughout my life I have always battled to be successful. I have experienced many triumphs in my life, but somehow always found a way to sabatoge myself and end up feeling as though i had taken 2 steps forward only to fall back 1,000.
This pattern of mine has somehow become such a habit that to this day I am battling one of the most BIGGEST mistakes I think I could have ever made in my life. At this point in my life I wake up haunted everyday by the thought that I have totally messed up my chance for a successful future. I was attending a work program for young adults called JobCorps (where I lived in a dorm and they trained me in a trade and placed me in College after i completed my trade) from March 2010 to March 2011. Within that time I finally thought that I had found my place in the world and was setting myself up for a new journey to a brighter future with a well paying job and security and peace of mind.
At this time I was focusing on my education but had neglected my spirituality and had yet to find myself a church family. I met my boyfriend in August 2010 and I felt I had fallen in love. we spent every weekend together and spent our time talking about our future and the amazing job I will be able to have once I finish my schooling. Along with these conversations, eventually he would begin talking about me moving in with him. As time went on the more attractive that idea began to appear. By March I was spending my spring break with him and when it was time to go back to JobCorps I had decided somewhere in my mind that I did not want to go back. I had convinced myself that just by moving in with him didn't mean that I would have to stop going to school. I told myself that I could still be disciplined enough to live with him (an hour bus ride away from my school that I was attending) - and continue school and finish the semester which would have ended in May.
I ended up AWOL dropping out of JobCorps with no contact to them of what my plans were. Within that time I had also made a failed attempt to finish my semester of school.
This is something that I wake up remorseful about almost every single morning.
Now it is October, within the time that I have been living with my boyfriend and his family, it took me until the middle of September to finally find myself a job. it's not the best job in the world but this is my 5th week and so far all of my coworkers have responded well to me and I have learned all the skills pretty quickly so it is nice to know that I am at least doing ONE thing right now, and the cherry on top is that I bring home a paycheck every week.
Now that I am working and have some kind of income, I want to begin to release this demon of this mistake that is weighing on my shoulders every day. I want to feel secure in myself again. i want to go back to school at some point and get myself the education that I deserve. I also want to be independent from my boyfriend's family's home. I really feel like my boyfriend and I could have a better future together once we really become independent from the rest of his family.
I am just scared everyday.
His family can be mean some times. They aren't as family oriented as the family that i grew up in. ugh, sorry but it seems like if its not one thing in my life, its something else. Thats why - like i said earlier - I want my boyfriend and I to be able to be independent from the house and family we live with now.
ok, I think I covered all the bases of my worries thus far in my life. Not sure if anyone will be able to relate or give me advice but the ONE positive thing is that when my work schedule allows, I am able to attend a church, but I'm always looking for other ways to release my concerns so here's to the start of my 14 day Christian Counseling!
-MsPoetical
I say this as a thanks and out of a big respect for her as she has been walking with me for my 14 steps so far and I feel a continued growing bond with her