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well effective christian prayer...i dont know alot about that really, i know im not supposed to ask for things for myself. pretty much all i know about prayer i learned from the big book of aa...but they were always repetitive prayers like the step says to avoid. i prayed for the same things, be removed from self, help me to see his will and the strength to carry out his will and so on and so forth...but i gave up on aa because frankly it became boring. what i do know is that just now i broke down sobbing and cried out to god. im tired of being selfish. im tired of hurting people. im tired of not taking care of my responsibities. im tired of me basically. its becoming evident that my wife and i arent going to reconcile no matter what i do and im afraid in that instance i will give up entirely on life. i know that god is with me....but i feel like im not with him. and damn if i can have 2 good days in a row. i allow my emotions to be controlled by how my wife talks to me. ive tried so hard to show her my willingness to do anything to save our marriage, and when we first seperated she begged me to change...now that im taking the actions she wanted me to the 10 years we were together and all the things ive done to her have become to much for her. im so confused. i feel like my motives for seeking god are inapropriate...like im trying to use jesus as a band aid for the pain im feeling because my wife is gone....i want my motives to be genuine...to be for my salvation and nothing else...i believe god may be angry with me because i am placing my want for her over my want for him. i dont know what to do. i feel like my relationship with my wife is one that is dangerous and destructive...but at the same time im in a terrible amount of pain...in parts of myself that i dont go very often and dont deal with very well. constantly in the back of my mind i think of her...i think maybe my problem is that i do not fear god, or anything else other than losing my wife...it dominates my mind...satan is using my love for my wife against me i see that and man is he not fair...using the thing closest to my heart to tear me apart...its a constant struggle and i feel like im failing...its not that i want to change overnite...i just want the pain in my heart to stop controlling my thoughts and actions...it seems like nothing i do works...i pray for her almost hourly, even when she is mean to me im gracious...but maybe god is sick of listening to me pray for her...as much as i want her maybe its not meant to be...is love supposed to hurt this much?

Hello sovern,

Effective christian prayer... well James says it well, he says the difference is our motives.

1Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you.2You want things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight. You do not get what you want, because you do not ask God.3Or when you ask, you do not receive because the reason you ask is wrong. You want things so you can use them for your own pleasures.- James 4:1-3

James says pretty clearly that even if we pray for the right things, if our reasons are selfish, or outside of God’s will we’re praying in vain. If we spend our prayer time asking God to reveal His will to us,then we will find it easier to ask for what we need within his will, instead of things that are outside of it.

Another good recipe for a effective prayer is sincere thanksgiving to Him.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

Also forgiveness...

”Matthew 6:10-14 This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:10-14.

Before God forgives us we must be willing to forgive others.

Thessalonians 5:17 says that we should “pray without ceasing”. Does that mean we should sit quietly and pray all day long, instead of going to work, or spending time with our kids? No. I believe it means that we should constantly be open to God as we go through our day.

Those Truths help me with effective prayer, i hope that sheds a lil light on what you were seeking

Give your fears of your future to God, Let Go and Let God. Find comfort in knowing that He will take care of everything according to His will and that He knows the best path for you. Begin to trust Him with your future.

Prayers remain brother,
See u next step

God bless
♥Jill

Hello brother

Oh how familiar your post sounds to me ... I'm sure you have heard the saying we have - (we , as in friends of Bill W. ...I am one as well ) - "Who's the wise guy that told you about me huh ? "

Though your post covers a lot of territory (at least three big ones) I will try to chip at it one at a time , which was suggested to me to do by my sponsor , and kindsa "chew" on it for a day or two , before we jump on to the next , shall we ?

On the matter of repetative/selfish prayer : Brother listen , at the beginning of this journey we decide to tackle , ALL prayers are selfish ok ? ( I didn't drink so that my neighbour would feel better ! )The Big Book sez wat ? ...Selfishness , self-centeredness is the root of all our problems right , so , why is it that it comes as a surprize to us , that it is the very thing that we are recovering from ? We are recovering from our own selves !! "Our problems are of our making" ?
Repetative prayers : HAH ! Have you ever tried to tell an alkie something once and hear " Oh , yeah , I got it !" . BUT , here's the thing ... we just don't know (yet) that God is NOT deaf !

One of the most vital "suggestions" that is easily overlooked , because of our eagerness to "get this over with" is the "advice" given to us undertaking the third step (I call it the leap of faith step) is , We though well before we took this step , making sure we have NO RESERVAIONS" For , this is the arch that we go through to freedom and triumph . In other words , we need to prepare ourselves for it , and NOT just jump in there and go , "I offer myself to Thee ... yada yada ..." remember , He is not deaf , AND ... He WILL hold us to what we are saying .

This is of no charge ...

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
vahn

Hello Sovern1982,
First I want to say I hear so much of myself in your words, the seperation, the hatred from wife, the loss of my whole life as I knew it, BUT through it all you know what I didn't lose....my faith, my faith in MY God I learned over that time how to TRUELY speak to Him, now am I the one that stands in front of a crowd and wows them with my words of prayer....uh NO
what I mean is I use to think like the church tought me to when I prayed.....kinda like your thinking now.
Our God is a gracious God, do you think for a minute He does not know who you really are and what you are really thinking or what you are wanting and needing? He knows the number of every hair on yours and my head (which ain't hard these days ) what I'm trying to say is He wants you to be yourself and be honest with Him ABOVE ALL ELSE.
Next time you pray start off with Good morning "Dad" and don't turn it into anything about your earthly father this is about making the REALationship between you and God just that....REAL it's said that "ask and you shall recieve" so why would He NOT want you to ask for healing in your life for the alcohol or for the healing of your marriage that's not being selfish brother that is putting it at His feet, now that does NOT mean you'll get the answer you want when you want it it just means if it is Gods will then it will be and it will be in His time not ours.
I was just short of suicide a few times when I lost everything, wife, 3 kids, my home, a position and respect at our church
but I prayed everyday for the healing, a year and a half later I am still seperated BUT I have come to accept it as He knows more than me, I want to heal the marriage but more importantly....I want to follow His lead so like you I continue to do all I can for her and the kids, and she appreciates it BUT that's it, but the positive of that is the hatred is gone, I was blessed with a nice little home by myself that I could afford, and I am living a decent life....is it where I want or how I want...NO but I need to thank Him for the blessing He gives me.....even the ones I don't understand.
May God bless you brother in this time, I know it's hard but keep talking to Him and yes tell Him what YOU want and need there is nothing wrong with putting your desires on the table (He already knows them)


Good Morning Dad, You know my needs that is not my reason for this prayer this morning I come to You and ask please let our brother see You as the forgiving gracious loving God You are, please forgive his past and lead his steps of the future, I ask that You show him You answer ALL prayers, I ask that You show him the path You have for him weather it be with his wife or what ever YOU have for him, and please Lord show him You want to be personal with him, give him the strength to put the bottle down and pick You up instead and fill his life with You Lord because You are the blood of life
Amen

With much love and respect
your brother in Christ
Cuc

Sovern,

awesome advice from all those who posted and I can't think of anything to add...except i will pray for you cause i been in your shoes...

Try not to be too hard on yourself...i been down that road too