weeding the garden day 2
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 12:32 pmwhat can i say...i spent quite alot of time telling myself that i was defective.that i was simply incapable of being anything other than selfish and self centered.then i started reading stepping stone 2.renew your mind...man if there is something i need to do that is it...i really wasnt fully aware of all the negative influences that i allowed in my life.operative statement being allowed.like it says i have to choose to fight against what i know, pain hatred fear jealousy etc...and i actually feel like this program may work if i make an honest effort to apply it to my life. i know that it will not be easy as what has ahold of me will not let go without a fight, but i believe if i give myself to this nothing can hold me back.might be premature but i already feel a slight change in my thinking...consciously trying to stay away from thoughts that will bring me down and keep me from the light of gods love.ive even started to remove things from my life that are obstacles...somewhat id be a liar if i said i threw out all my vices...but im a work in progress and rome wasnt built in a day.im looking forward to actually taking some actions that are fulfilling,instead of self destructive....and im sure my family would say the same thing...i prayed today for the first time in a few years.i fealt strange kneeling on the living room floor in a quiet house talking to myself(hope the neighbors didnt see me 
!)but i fealt relieved when i was done...its was definitely long overdue
i didnt feel like deleting my earlier thoughts on this, and i apologize if this is fragmented or hard to understand but im getting into it:) after only a few hours of this im starting to notice that im thinking about other people again and their feelings...and what i can do to help them...i took my 9 year old daughter to a fishing tournament this morning, we didnt catch anything but we enjoyed ourselves. as i watched her fish i realized that god had given me a number of wonderful blessings...despite my trials and tribulations....i fealt more alive in that one moment than i think i ever have...things are starting to fall into place slowly in my mind...im not thinking as much about whats wrong with me and more about what i can do to help someone else...
!)but i fealt relieved when i was done...its was definitely long overdue i didnt feel like deleting my earlier thoughts on this, and i apologize if this is fragmented or hard to understand but im getting into it:) after only a few hours of this im starting to notice that im thinking about other people again and their feelings...and what i can do to help them...i took my 9 year old daughter to a fishing tournament this morning, we didnt catch anything but we enjoyed ourselves. as i watched her fish i realized that god had given me a number of wonderful blessings...despite my trials and tribulations....i fealt more alive in that one moment than i think i ever have...things are starting to fall into place slowly in my mind...im not thinking as much about whats wrong with me and more about what i can do to help someone else...
sounds like lots has already begun to happen and move .... that is wonderful to read sovern!