John's Journal day 5
Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 4:55 pmWhen I looked at the list at the bottom of this study, I read through them all and found that I had 28 of them. What?!?
I am selfish and I have 28 of these issues. I started reading through them and realized that along with being selfish the two major problems were fear and doubt. See being selfish for me is where I want my way more than God's and I doubt that I going to get it and I am in fear that I will lose even what I have. Because I doubted God's power, love, and forgiveness I was afraid of Him. I had to take matters into my own hands and go after what I wanted; people had to behave exactly as I expected them; and If they did that and I worked as hard as I could everything would turn out right for everyone. Strangely this seemed to work for a while but, if you read my post from day 1 you can see how well that worked out. Truly looking back, it never worked out that well from the start. I have bookmarked that page as suggested and I will have to return to that page on a regular basis for a while. Firstly because the studies on doubt and fear were so good. (Depression was also very good), and secondly because I am challenged by the rest of those things from time to time. I was reading in the journal of another and I too "stood on my own two feet"; you know what...I am tired of standing on my own two feet. I can't do it. I cannot make this work by myself. I need God's help. I am sorry Father that I tried to do it myself for so long. Please forgive me and help me because I want Your help and I need your help.
Amen
I am selfish and I have 28 of these issues. I started reading through them and realized that along with being selfish the two major problems were fear and doubt. See being selfish for me is where I want my way more than God's and I doubt that I going to get it and I am in fear that I will lose even what I have. Because I doubted God's power, love, and forgiveness I was afraid of Him. I had to take matters into my own hands and go after what I wanted; people had to behave exactly as I expected them; and If they did that and I worked as hard as I could everything would turn out right for everyone. Strangely this seemed to work for a while but, if you read my post from day 1 you can see how well that worked out. Truly looking back, it never worked out that well from the start. I have bookmarked that page as suggested and I will have to return to that page on a regular basis for a while. Firstly because the studies on doubt and fear were so good. (Depression was also very good), and secondly because I am challenged by the rest of those things from time to time. I was reading in the journal of another and I too "stood on my own two feet"; you know what...I am tired of standing on my own two feet. I can't do it. I cannot make this work by myself. I need God's help. I am sorry Father that I tried to do it myself for so long. Please forgive me and help me because I want Your help and I need your help.
Amen
Your strength to step forward and admit so openly of your weakness is beautiful.