Hello Sortamorta
God bless you this day.
Sortamorta, you are not a failure. You are a woman trying to live this life, keeping the peace when you can, and asking for forgiveness when you can't. God is Good!
It is not uncommon for Christians to have a new awakening. God's timing. But, when it happens, oftentimes the Christian becomes so acutely aware of all their mistakes because His Light shines brightly and reveals it all. It can be a little overwhelming at first, but, remember it is because of Who He Is, and how much He loves you and yours that He is revealing His Light of Truth so brilliantly. Thank You Jesus!!!
Years ago we had an electrician that did some extensive work for us, at our place of business. Periodically throughout each day, I'd hear him say, "as my wife always says...Thank You Jesus." It always made me smile. It was evident that his wife was the true seeker of Jesus, but ohhhhhhhh what an impact it was having on her husband.
Was not Jesus being glorified by this man with every thank you? Was not a message being spread, a seed planted, with each one of his "Thank You Jesus"?
The cool thing is, I was a Christian at the time, but I was not the type to say aloud "Thank You Jesus". It had an impact on me though.
Sortamorta, as you walk more and more in His Light, and allow the heartfelt messages of your heart be spoken aloud, the seeds of Truth are being seen, heard and planted in the hearts of all those all around you. Mix in a good dose of love, and there will be an harvest.
I'm sending up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on behalf of you and yours. May God's blessed will be done.
God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack