Christianity Oasis Forum

[mary hernandez]

....Day one...
As I was reading through step one the "noise" around me suddenly became louder and louder as if deliberately trying to drown out the words of "truth" that were trying to absorb into my mind..I had to really knuckle down to stay focused through the lesson...Doing my best to ignore the enemies tactics of noise and distractions...I was really determined to allow the truth to soak in and satuarate the halls of my mind...

I know there are alot of things I really need to work on...Even though I have come a long, long, way from where I once used to be...And, never wanna be ever again...I used to and kinda still am that person you described with the castle full of past hurts,disappoinments,heart aches,ect... (an emotional Hoarder so to speak Uggghhh)I used and still do live in the corners of my mind...Trying to avoid reality to the point where I myself became confused not being able to seperate the two at times...Especially when it came to relationships...I always short changed myself and settle for far less than I deserved...Accepting instead of rejecting...Men who were using me to their convinience...Cheating on me...Lying mistreating and taking advantage of me...take me for granted bcuz I was allowing...Sad thing about it...I asked someone I used to be with what seemed to be an eternity...Why do you treat me like this...His reply was simple and straight...B'cuz you let me...There it was the truth of the matter...and, I finally decided then and there to walk away from it all...I remained his friend afterwards and I thought I had forgiven him...But, I had alot of resentment towards him for what I had allowed..He kept trying to get me to marry him for 6 years after that asking to allow him to make it up to me...I kept rejecting him and telling him to respect the friendship boundaries cuz it was hard enough remaining his friend without healing as it was...the resentment buildt up inside me over those 6 yrs of him begging to make me his wife...One day I just let him have it...16 yrs of of hurt balled up into one itsy bitsy dangerously confrontational explosive time bomb of words....The truth cut him so furousiously deep he tried to commit suicide in prison by setting his cell on fire....I almost cost him his life...What a scary mess I created....Then My Grandpa died...and, something died in me that day he went home to Jesus...I was so depressed and sad I agreed to marry that man ...Willing to just settle for whatever...I though at least I know what to expect from him...No shockers there...Not realizing the enemy was using that man to hold me in bondage all these years...I almost lost my salvation behind that choice...Luckily for me The Holy Spirit intervened and kept me from corresponding with him for about six months...and, before I went on a womens retreat..I wrote him a letter lead by the spirit..telling him that he looked at me as his own personal savior when in reality I cannot save no one..Only God can...And I explained how the Holy spirit would not allow me to correspond until now...and, left for the retreat...When I returned He sliced and diced me to bits with mean hurtful things which I refuse to talk about cuz I'd rather let dead dogs lie..But, the thing about that letter is the truth came out in plain sight...The enemy lashed out through his words talking ugly about God saying eff God he aint never did nothing for me and so on and in the same breathe tells me I broke and shattered his heart...Wow..it was more than that but those parts don't matter at this point...Well,Felt good to share that load with others..Have a Blessed day In the Lord

[mlg]

Hello Mary, Welcome to the Oasis. Sounds like your past has been full of trials...but the past does not have to be a prison for you...time to break out into the new day that God creates every morning...renewing Him within you and finding exactly who you really can be with Him guiding your steps daily. I'm so glad God has brought you to the steps. Just take them one at a time.

Take care and God Bless

[dema]

There are good guys out there. My ex-husband used to despise people who would let him walk on them. You are right that you need to break that habit.

I'm glad you are in the counselling.

Honey, I think you need to let your ex-boyfriend go. As long as you are wrapped up in him - even in this endless just wanting to be friends - it is giving you a safety net to not pursue other relationships. Your continuing active pain in that relationship - and your guilt -is bound to get in the way of a good solid one.

I think you are on a fence - you know that he isn't good for you. But you are afraid to let someone good see what is inside of you. And you don't want to be truly single.

Sometimes we think that all these other humans walking around have some sort of perfection that we don't. Well, it just isn't true.

Everyone of us is a work in progress. Everyone has the petty thoughts and mean moments that make us feel guilty. And every single one of us needs forgiveness on a regular basis.

Honey, our hearts are always needing cleaned and washed. Always.

If people could figure it all out and get it right - then Jesus wouldn't have needed to come and live to show us how to live, and he wouldn't have needed to die.

[mary hernandez]

Take care and God Bless
Thanks Mig...I appreciate your uplifting words of kindness and concern enlightening words of wisdom from the heart of a another kind loving christian as yourself...Thanks from the bottom of my heart to yours...
xoxomaryxoxoxo

[mary hernandez]

Dear dema,
I appreciate your uplifting words and great advice... thank you for your enlightening words of wisdom ...I appreciate that you are a kind loving christian with a heart of gold...Thanks from the bottom of my heart to yours...

I did forgive him and myself...and, that ended when he wrote his last response to me...and, since then the Lord has blessed me with an incredible loving strong man of God...

Can't thank him enough for my hand picked soul mate from heaven...(thank u Jesus)

xoxoxo mary x0x0x0x

[Christnundrconstruxn]

HI Mary,
I too want to welcome you to the oasis, and yes please stay with the counseling it is great.
As it sounds you are already being blessed with a man in your life to show you how you SHOULD be treated I wish you the best.

Woman was not created from dust, she was created from man
Not from his mind to be out thought by him
Not from his feet to be walked upon by him
And not by his hand to be abused by him
BUT from his rib to stand beside him as his equal
God bless you Mary, I hope to hear more from you

Cuc (Christnundrconstruxn)

[mary hernandez]

Thank you so much for that nice lil poem...And, thanks for welcoming me to the Oasis...I appreciate each and every one of you here...

Yes, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful man...

(thank you jesus)

And, I hope we can grow to be good friends.

God bless you CUC

xoxox mary xoxoxox your a