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I was listening to a teaching on the Grace of God and I think it mentioned that sometimes we're angry with God. It led me to think about that. It brought an episode to mind about three years ago when my husband had repeated shoulder surgeries on his job until the last surgery failed and his employment let him go after 31 years. That meant we weren't going to have health insurance let alone an income. I worked at home doing transcription so I assumed I had to pick up the ball and run with it to help out. So I sought a job out at Hopkins. I was hired and had to go to an orientation for three or four days. It was something I had mixed emotions about. My stress and anxiety level were off the charts at that time. I prayed and had others praying for me, but I couldn't find peace. Well because of my high anxiety state which reached a fevered pitch during orientation, I bascially had a meltdown and the day I was to start work, I called in and said I had changed my mind. I felt like a failure.

Did I just move too fast and not wait on the Lord? I feel skittish when I think about trusting Him again in a situation where my emotions get so tied up in knots. I asked God to help me understand this event. I have nothing yet.

I guess out of that episode, I came away with the idea that I couldn't really trust God. I was so in that panic state --- I couldn't I understand why God didn't fix things and make things turn out right. I realized I have been carrying around this doubt, and guilt for feeling that.

The rest of the story goes that God did do some mighty miracles in my husband's case. For one thing, he remembered that he had some kind of long-term disability he filed for and got, that helped while he had filed for SS which usually gets denies and takes at least a year. (By God's hand) It was approved within a few months of filing. The best miracle of all was that after his job told my husband they couldn't use him, he called the main office to see if there was anything in any another capacity he could do. They wrote an email back and said NO. Well later his company tried to say he could have come back in another capacity, BUT my husband saved their written email and needless to say, they didn't have a leg to stand on. These were some awesome miracles God did.

But as it related to my side of the story, I have never understood why I felt so alone, scared and abandoned. I'm thinking that has carried over until even now. I'm not sure what to make of it or how to reconcile my mind. God's Word said He will never leave me or forsake me. I know His Word is truth. I don't know. I am confused.

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

You have brought up a very good point, that some of us do get confused from time to time. If we get emotional about something, we can, unfortunately, believe our emotions over and above God. Eeeeek!

God didn't leave, but you did, emotionally. Since our emotions are housed in the same place as the fruit of The Holy Spirit -- in our spirit -- then we are doing one of two things: trusting and believing and walking in our spirit man/self, connected spirit to Spirit with Him, OR we are relying on our carnal emotions and walking in our carnal or "natural" man/self. We can't do both at the same time.

Sounds like doubt had it's way with you.

Remember, The Holy Spirit is a Gentleman -- He is not going to force Himself on us, or His ways on us. As long as there is breath in this body, we will always have choice: His way or the highway (our way).

Dabs, we default to the carnal/natural way. Each and every day, and usually several times a day, we have to choose to walk in the new life in Christ, instead of our old carnal self.

Remember when the Apostle Paul said that he died daily, and also told us to put on the new man.

I Corinthians 15:31 I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.

Ephesians 4:24 And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

Colossians 3:10 And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Him that created Him:

And don't forget when he told us to put on the full armor of God...

Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

11Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

18Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

Dabs, it sounds like God worked miracles in your and your husband's lives, even though you chose not to take the job.

Hallelujah!!! Thank You Jesus!!!

I would say that you do trust God, but, possibly it is YOU that you doubt.??? Yes, I have those moments too, where I wonder if I can be trusted to choose the righteous, when my emotions come undone.???

Dabs, it just has me reach further and more diligently for Him, because I know my shortcomings, and they are plenty.

Oh Lord, help me!!!

That is what it is all about, Dabs. Leaning on Him, through it ALL!!! with His name on our lips, and our hearts in His hands. He can be trusted.

Oh, and those times when we do fall, and we choose unwisely...I love this verse, and I like how it is written in the NIV, so I'll give both translations:

Psalm 103:10 (NIV) He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

Psalm 103:10 (KJV) He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

Hallelujah!!! Wooooooohoooooo!!! Thank You Lord!!!

Dabs, prayers continue to rise to our Lord, on your behalf. God's bless will be done.

Keep moving forward with Him, Dabs. He is right there with you.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

Hi dabs,
Feelings are not facts. I have been in situations like you stated.
I have learned that God allows us to "feel" this way in order to test our faith.
It helps us grow.
It also can allow satan to do his thing too.
We serve a Living God whether you "feel" His presence or not.

Hebrews 1:1 states...."Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

In addition He states........... (Very Important)
Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

I try to lean on this verse when issues arrive.
Hope this helps.


GBU


Real

Mack, you are definitely right. I didn't know at that time that I have to guard my thoughts. Even though I am learning, it is still new, and I so easily revert to that "panic" mode where I can't even function let alone be still to trust God. I notice some improvement (probably more than I realize). You are also right about the fact that I see God's hand in my husband's life and KNOW it is God. But I do worry I won't have the faith I need (as evidenced by what happened last time) for the future.

I need to:
1. Stop. Cast out fear and negative thoughts.
2. Disregard feelings.
3. Pray and ask God for help and be still.
3. Praise Him. Thank Him for what He is going to do. Wait on God.
4. Allow the Holy Spirit to bring scripture to my mind, like the armor of God.

Thank you Realtmg. I am just glimpsing this aspect of a trial or test of faith although I don't have my mind wrapped around it yet. I will try and remember Heb 11:6.

I do feel like I am "getting it" more and more, about what Christ has done for me and the position he has put me in, in God. I don't want to lose that revelation.

Amen. When we apply His Word to our lives; it works. Step by step.
Being a Christian has a learning process and He enlightens us as He sees fit.

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

GBU

Real

yea, sounds like evil had a field day feeding you fear.
I noticed when I talk to people with fear, we look at what the opposite is that the enemy is trying to keep them from. .. can be a real eye opener when you look at the fear in that way.

Wow, Deetu! What an awesome way of thinking in reverse. I receive that in my spirit. I desire to act on that and remember it in the future.
God bless each of you for your insight and wisdom. I am amazed.