Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Step 1

Today Im ready to explore the path again and start to dig in a little deeper. My faith in God is strong and I am now more conscious of making sure He is part of my life everyday. I know He stands behind me, giving me strength. I am more able to look at my marriage and while still not understanding how my husband could be unfaithful, I can objectively look at the state my marriage was in and my responsibility for it. My husband is also able to see his responsibility for it as well. I understand now that we did not appreciate either each other or the most wonderful gift of our marriage that God blessedly gave us. We assumed it would always be there and did not require nurturing. We have paid a terrible price for our laxity, but I feel that God has continued to bless us by giving us the opportunity to try and rebuild that which He has joined together. This terrible experience has also allowed us to reexamine each other and what is important to us. It is never all bad. I pray for strength for both of us, understanding and patience. I pray for the ability to manage my pain without letting it become destructive to our fragile relationship. He has answered my prayer in that my husband recognizes my pain and helps me through it. I know of many others who are not as fortunate. Even in this most difficult time of my life, I continue to be blessed. I am more conscious too of including others in my prayers who are struggling with difficulties. I FEEL GOOD IN GOD!!!

Thank you for the hug Deetu. I can feel it!!!
Step 2
Oh my. I cannot get rid of these weeds. Yet I so clearly understand now that I have not appreciated enough the value of time. Which clearly points to weed #1, my impatience and then doubt. Well, I am learning the value of patience, however other weeds still continue to cause me doubt. Fear, pain, distrust, anxiety. Oh my. Though, to be honest, they are not as intense as they were. And I do have the steps and my faith to thank for that. I must become better at pulling the weeds out and replacing them with the truth of my faith in God's will. It is still so difficult for me to let go of the pain and fear. I must just keep pulling those weeds, replacing it with the truth that God will bear that pain for me. The pain and fear are what prohibits me from moving forward as He wants me too. The truth is that what is done is done. Nothing can change that and living in it certainly does no good. For me or anyone around me. I still feel good in God. Thank You for Your Blessings.

Step 3-Receiving God's Grace.
I find this step to me so reassuring to me. It reassures me, but also gives me strength to forgive those who I need to forgive. If I am so fortunate to receive God's Grace, I need to extend that Grace to others as well. I continue to fall and ask His forgiveness. I can sometimes think some pretty negative and unfair thoughts about others. I have such a long way to go to become more graceful. It is a quality I do desire. For both others and myself. I find working through these steps helps me to start to achieve this grace and so much more. I am so grateful to have found this site that assists me in becoming a better person in God's sight and a better person to others around me. With each step, I am more conscious every day in numerous ways of how very easy it is to make God a priority in my life. Everyday and throughout each day. I am so thankful for the blessings He has given me and will continue to work everyday to become more of the person He would like me to be.

It is wonderful to see you have such a desire to forgive others the way we are asked to. I am sure God will bless that. Continue to talk to Him about this.

Glad to hear the step was such a blessing for you.

God loves ya and so do I!

Step 4-Forgiving myself and others.
I am having such difficulty with this. I truly do feel guilt for my inability to forgive. I think my hurt stands in the way of my forgiveness. I am also plagued with negative and hurtful thoughts related to that hurt on a daily basis that make it hard to be forgiving. I remember to think of Jesus on the cross. His hurt, grief and feelings of being betrayed. I try to remember that He did that so MY sins would be forgiven. As long as I forgive. I try to remember that His pain was much greater. Sometimes I am successful, (think I am anyways) and the hurt feelings will arise and I am right back to being unforgiving. I know I have not forgiven because I still feel anger, distrust and resentment towards the one who hurt me. Jesus did not act this way!!!! I fear that I will tear down my own house. I dare not ask for forgiveness for my own sins, as I know I will not be forgiven until I am able to do the same. I pray for the grace and strength to forgive. I am caught on many of those levels of forgiveness and feel so unworthy. I told my husband yesterday he could not move back home until he has started to attend counseling (he has till now made no effort to go, though I have previously asked). He became angry and left to go to his apartment. Today while driving to work, I saw a rainbow!!!! In NY, in November!!! God has sent me a sign that it will be well. I take strength from that and it gives me faith that I will not always feel this pain of betrayal. It gives me hope that I will become stronger and that I am doing God's will as he wishes it. I pray to God in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that he will fill me with his mercy and grace so that I can let go of this pain and forgive the offender.

anne marie
first let me welcome you and let you know I as a broken man can and do appreciate your willingness to make it work and to do anything possible to steer your marriage back on track, I wished my wife of 13 and half years would have gave me that chance.
I hope and pray for you and your husband to make it through this trial
and for him to see what a loving and forgiving woman you are, you say you are having trouble forgiving when you are in a sense being forgiving it's just painful and satan keeps trying to butt in, just keep doing the counseling steps here and giving the pain and anger to God.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.
so I say renew your strength through our Lord and He will lead you through this
God bless and know you are in my prayers
cuc

Hello Pine and CUC
Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. They help me a great deal. Though my progress through the steps is slow this time around, I find that they are helping me through this most difficult time of my life. I am finding the peace of mind and heart that I seek. Slowly but surely. My faith in God, while always there, have become stronger. I feel so blessed in so many ways!!! I know God is standing firmly behind me at this time, so I feel there is something He wants of me. I am unsure of what it is exactly. I dont know if I am confusing what He wants with what I want.
Step 5-The Blame Game
I play this game extraordinarily well. I still have plenty of blame for the one who has hurt me. The question "how could he have done this??" still runs continously through my mind. I know the answer-his selfishness allowed him to give in to temptation and disregard the 24 year history we had together. He has admitted this to me. I know it is foolish to still ask myself this question. So, if I am to forgive and move forward, I need to stop asking myself this. Stop letting satan into my thoughts. Ultimately, I know that while I have no blame for his adulterous choice, I do have some blame for the state of my marriage. His is an addictive personality and I did not educate myself in regards to that and only made matters worse by not doing so and by not praying earlier to God for help. I would like to remain married, it is nothing I ever thought of not being, but I am afraid. He deceived me for a whole year with another woman!!! I found this out a week ago, and it is a difficult fact to accept. I know it matters not in so far as he still cheated, but to know all of year was not real. I am afraid to love him again as I did before. Afraid he will deceive me again. Afraid of his addictions getting the better of him. He is still not linked with a counselor. Sometimes I wonder if I make too much of this. He is contrite, remorseful, but I dont believe he understands the gravity of the damage or what a committed relationship entails. He told me he knew I would be hurt if I found out, but as long as he thought he could keep it hidden, he was ok with betraying me. But God had other plans and did not want it to continue. I am trying to let go and let God. I must have more faith in Him. But what if He is saying "enough is enough". I try to be patient and allow Him time to show me what His will is. But in the meantime, I am afraid to open my heart to the one who has broken it.
Dear God, in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, send me patience, sight and the abiltiy to enjoy each day as You give it to me. Amen

Dearest anne marie,
I sat here in tears reading your post , you see I hear my wife of 14 years talking there...I didn't do the same but simular to your husband, I lost everything except my faith but even that was being challenged because I didn't feel I deserved my God and his forgiveness , I wanted Him to remove me from this earth because I didn't want the shame any more for me or my family you see I lost my wife and three beautiful kids that I hardly get to see anymore, but it could be worse, you see my wife does not want to work things out our marriage is over but we are better friends now than the whole time we were married...and I think that was our biggest problem, and we forgot our vows for better or WORSE and in SICKNESS and health.
please remember that it's Gods timing not yours that matters, we as humans want it now and THIS way not later and that way.
I can tell you from my standpoint if I had it to do over after seeing the destruction I caused I would have SEEKED HELP long before destroying mine and my family's whole world
I imagine after telling you some of this your thinking I'm the last person you wish to talk to but please remember I am here to talk or even pm me and we can talk more privately if you wish, you see we maybe need each other to understand the spouse's thoughts and even if thats not the case I'm a good listener!!
God bless you anne and know I prayed the Lords will be done.
Cuc

Step 6-Miracle Grow

I have to be honest and admit that i didnot work too consistently on my Miracle Grow project the first time around on the steps. Though I do now pray so much more and so much better. I have created my chart and will give it honest effort. Sometimes my faith wavers, I find it hard to be patient for God. I think I may not see the signs He sends me. I pray for clarification and patience. I pray for God to forgive me if I am not seeing the signs. I feel very unworthy of God, though I believe working through these steps has given me a better understanding of my responsibility towards others. I am still having a very difficult time with forgiveness. I am constantly pulling weeds that I have planted, cuz I cant let the injury go. I must pray harder. Clean my mind, clean my spirit. It is so important to me. I am not giving God my all.

Anne

You are doing well to seek Him.

With the miracle grow chart making it personal between you and Him. It's not something to bind you or to be a chore but something that frees you and helps you do more.

Hey I just rhymed!! I'm a poet and didn't know it.

Praying for you.

Hi Anne...I want you to know im praying for you and your husband. I know i sound like a broken record but for the sake of your marriage...was wondering if you have read "The Love Dare" Im not married..but...wow...what an eye opener...and practical biblical truths there are in there for every relationship we have. It is intended for married couples...but Oh..how the Lord speaks to you through it on so many different relational levels.

Keep goin, sis. You arent alone. Praying for you both.

In Jesus,
love momo