One of the hardest lessons I have learned in life is to forgive myself. I know that God forgives and even know that others forgives me most of the time, But I have learn this is a tool that satan uses to keep us down and from producing fruit. When we become Christians, we are new creatures in Christ. If we truly repent and turn away from that sin. He makes a new creature through His blood and grace. We have to accept this. We are to confess this and sometimes it involves confessing with other people. It can easily turn in to self-pity and low self esteem. As we grow closer to Him ,we have to learn to let the past go and start new each day. I say what I do because I lived so long without forgiving myself and I was miserable and felt dirty even know the Master forgave me. Today is a new day. Let the past go and do not dwell in it. Satan will do anything he can to keep us down and from growing. The sad thing is you are the only one who feels this way. But if you do what is right and keep seeking Him , He will reveal His abundant love and mercy to you.
1 Corinthians 7:22-23
For he that is called in the LORD, being a servant, is the LORD's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men.
Since I have met you i have seen you grow and strive to become more Christ-like. You have helped others a great. When we choose to follow Him ,then satan works on our minds to keep us in fear and self-pity.Don't be too hard on yourself my friend. Stay in His Word and continue these studies. You will find that as you seek His will daily that satan hates this therefore he throws these fiery darts into our mind to keep us discouraged. I have observed growth in you as well as you becoming thirsty for His water that gives us life more abundantly. Be good to yourself and realize that you are striving for perfection yet we all fail. All I can add at this point is that I am proud of you and have seen you help others wand are wanting to be a better person in Christ.
So stay in the garden as long as you need to and keep pulling weeds. This is a process and I will commend you on your growth and you wanting to be more like Him. You are an asset here and am no different than me. I have to keep the weeds pulled too but will say that it has been painful and required alot of work and patience. Be good to yourself and be thankful that you are on the right path. Renew your mind daily with His word and listen to Him which requires patience. Keep up the good work sis and I hope some of this helps. Just got up and eyes are blurry from sleep and have spent more time correcting grammar than writing. Oh me. You know I luv ya and many here are willing to help and listen. Keep up the good work and fill your mind with His word and try to understand His love and Grace for you. Now, let me go clear my eyes as it has taken me 4 1/2 hour to post this.
I care and you have the answers if you will apply them daily. Focus on Him and listen to Him instead of the enemy. You go girl!. God Bless you my friend and thanks for what you do here. In Christ love I pray, Amen. Luv Real.