tina d my journal tohelp me heal i pray in the name of jesus
Posted: Fri Sep 10, 2010 10:29 pm
Well i woke up this morning and actually felt alittle better of course until i moved then here comes the heartburn nausea and pains..why i think to myself i just don't get why i should endure 11 yrs of this and why my prayers are not being answered i pray for a healing i cry and beg i have children and a husband i have become so very horrible the pain eats at me day and night . I get up look in the mirror and see me i look older,fat and sad and omg fat i feel 100 at 43 why?? then i feel guilty when i cant move from my bed to go take my baby she 8 to the bus stop i worry over everything and it is just not me to let her walk to even the corner alone but today i do..guilty and crying my legs are in pain and even though i went to sleep pretty early 11:00 i tossed and turned and really never closed my eyes..i think someday maybe just someday i will be okay someday maybe just someday i won't be sick,scared,hurting and FAT! i fight with my daughters and husband over the smallest things now and never do i stop worry never do i ask god to take over and help after all i am already asking for a blessing of a healing that is 11 years late. I feel guilty questioning god and asking what to do and to fix me please i feel depressed when i get no relief i pray even for a few weeks to live normal nope not as of yet. I have been all over was at the doctors today to hear again anxiety attacks..but wait is your neck swollen ?? whats that you have headaches for days and days..and you have gained so much weight oh you feel breathless and pain and burning wow your kidney is functioning at 85% we must of missed that last time..no what i am going to check your hyparathyroidism thing It is a bad thing but i leave praying this is it and i can get answers and reief please so pray or me too ..i am not on the brink daily of looking at my pills and thinking how good it would feel to not feel...but then i think of my family i am so torn and lost..help me dear jesus please
. Welcome to the Oasis...now Tina I want to tell you something encouraging...there is HOPE for you! Yes there is! I too was extremely overweight at one time in my life. I'm still overweight for that matter, but not like I used to be. So I want you to know I feel how you feel. I lost over 100 lbs 7 years ago. I didn't do it with surgery...I did it with God holding my hand every step of the way. I too was always out of breath and tired and hurting...and then I made a decision and a choice to ask God to help me and then I chose to follow His lead...and I see you now doing the exact same thing...and I'm excited for you! I encourage you to talk with your doctors about allowing you to start both an eating program and an exercise program that you can do to help you start to get your weight under control. I will say it's not easy and it does take work. Took me over 1 1/2 years to loose 100 lbs. I did it through diet and exercise. I counted caloric intake. See if you will take the amount you want to weigh say 150 lbs. multiply that by 11 and that is the number of calories at most you need a day. So 150 x 11 is 1650 calories a day. Again I would say check with your doctor to see what is recommended caloric intake for you a day as you never want to diet if it's a worse health risk for you.
