Hey Bridget...its so awesome when we can be open and honest with the struggles we face. Thats the first step to healing...bringing all of this into the Light. Jesus knows our struggles..but when we confess them to Him, we are acknowledging their existance. Sister, there is NOTHING He cant heal. Our fears from the past abuses grow in us like cancer. The mistrust and feelings we are left with are real..to us..
Then, we see or imagine God as the being the same way our earthly fathers and brothers or any other male for that matter...we imagine He is the same way..we know no different. Only in getting to know the true nature of God do we see that men are men but God is God...the men are just tools used to bring us into this world..God is the giver of our breath and life. He is the author of our lives. Dads are just the tool He used to get us here. Life though, is bigger than just getting here..and God's plans are so much more than what the world tells us our existance is for. Get to know His nature..and His plans..and His will..and His heart. The only way to do that is to read His word, spend time in prayer with Him, let Him speak to you through His Holy Spirit..sing to Him..know He is singing back to you..and over you. The more you understand His nature and His heart, the easier it is to trash what the world says and does and replace all the lies with His truth. His truth IS what matters...everything else fades away and will only lead you down a destructive path. God's plans are so much more fullfilling than the world's. Lord willing, when He feels you are ready for the one He has chosen for you, He will bring him to you. During that time, be healed and set free from the things that would keep you from living and giving in a true loving blessed marriage.
Its so good to be open before the Lord. Fear is not from Him. There is NOTHING to fear from Him. God bless you, my sister. Keep going. You are doing an awesome job.
in Jesus
luv momo