Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

So this is my first time being on here - I'm just going to say what's on my mind. Prayers are more than welcome and I would appreciate anyone who reads this to pray for me even though you don't know me.

I'm tired of living my life through a wall of pain - I don't know when it became so overwhelming but I think the older I get, the more it takes over my thoughts. I deal with the pain of self-worth, not thinking I'm worthy to be loved. I guess it started in highschool, maybe sooner at home. My father doesn't know how to show emotion or affection to anyone so it came across to me that I was a burden if I didn't do what I was supposed to - I led a very sheltered life and its now affecting how I live as an adult. In highschool, I was considered "weird" by guys and rejected for not doing all the things other kids my age were allowed to do. I thought I got over that in college but its coming back - I feel like I'm not good enough.

I still live at home and I feel like I'm suffocating - I don't feel like I have a life outside of work. I do have friends but they are in other states and not accesible to either to talk to or hang out with so that makes me feel isolated. But even then I don't feel I can trust anyone to let my guard down either. My house is an empty shell of a home with just my parents and me living in it. My other siblings aren't there and I'm the only one left.

I feel like I can't breathe because anything I do that doesn't agree with my father is like a constant battle and unless I agree with him its like this weight on my shoulders - I feel like I have to do what he says with certain things in order to get his approval or I can't function. How do I break this cycle of wanting his approval? I need to make my own decisions and not be afraid of his anger or not agreeing with him in everything. I'm not his daughter, I'm a puppet.

I've leaned on things that I shouldn't - escaping to sins that I shouldn't do and it may make me "feel" better for a day but then it slowly creeps back to haunt me or want me to do it again - just a vicious cycle. I feel like God can't forgive me because I can't forgive myself for doing it.....whether its a lie or something else. I need help.

I keep thinking that if I move out then it might help me gain control of myself but this pain won't go away and I'm afraid that even though being by myself might do me some good, I'll wallow more into a state of depression.

Hello HopingonGod, welcome to the Oasis. We are delighted to have you here with us.

I so know how you feel. I had to move back in with my parents after being away for several years...and it was not easy living with them because I have my own ideas and ways now. It was necessary though, and I respected my parents even though there were many times I didn't agree. I also found it much better once I moved out and was on my own again. I think you should work towards moving out and into your own place, if that si God's will for you.

My prayers are with you hoping. Just know that God has a plan and everything is going to work out. Hold on to Jesus sis...He is there and He will see you through.

Come visit us sometime in the chatroom.

Take care and God Bless

Hello HopingonGod

God bless you this day.

I'm so glad that The Lord led you here to Christianity Oasis. Welcome

I'll be lifting you up in prayers to Father God, in the name of Christ Jesus. God's blessed will be done.

I don't know if you have started the Counseling Study -- it's a 14 Day Study, and it is such a blessing. Many, many, many people have done this Study, and have been very blessed -- including me. If you have not started it, I encourage you to do so. If you have started it...YEAH!!!

Here is the link to the Study. We call it the CCCC Study.
http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Well, welcome again, and hope to see ya around.

God bless and keep you, HopingonGod.
In His love,
Sister Mack

Thanks - I appreciate the encouragement. I have received the same advice from a bunch of people that I should move out - the only ones who are opposed or who don't understand why I want to move out are my parents, especially my father. One he's afraid of my safety because I'm a girl and I'm sick of hearing that I'm a girl and that I can't do things like live alone.

When I was growing up, I heard that I was a girl and that I couldn't do things like go out till a certain time or sleepover a friend's house or whatever but my brothers (I have 2 who are younger than me) could do so and so much more - that's where the extremely sheltered part comes in. My father actually apologized to me I think a year ago (I'm now 30 years old) about being too strict on me as a kid but I feel like its too late and I struggle with this anger sometimes on how they raised me. I know that's the best they could do at the time but I feel like they are doing it now and I'm an adult.

Thanks to both of you for praying for me and reading my posts. I am starting the 14 day counseling so please pray that I continue through with it (I tend to have a hard time committing to something and finishing it) and that I listen to what God reveals to me.

I have a hard time trying to figure out what God's will is for me - like moving out - I've been trying to look for a house for about a year now and it seems like everytime I like a house something is blocking my way. Its probably God letting me know that its not the right house or time but I can't help but feel angry that I can't get a house or move - that I'm never going to move out. I've started thinking that way - that I'll never do anything that I want. I also want to get married but again I feel like I'll never get married because I've been single for so long.

I'm only 30 and I know there isn't a time limit for marriage but I can't help like God is withholding it from me because I'm too selfish or just a child mentally and I guess this attitude doesn't help

I'm always negative it seems.....

Hi sis...be positive...I was living on my own when I was 18. I had to move back in with my parents for about a year at the age of 28. Just remember God takes care of His children. Sometimes it's hard for parents to let go of their children and let them be adults...especially if you are the baby of the family...or the last to leave home. They tend to not want to let go. But just pray for them...and ask God to lead you in the direction that He sees best for you.

Looking forward to more of your shared thoughts sis. We are here and we care.

luv ya

Praying for you sister. This will all work out.

I think you are going to love the counseling steps! They are fabulous! It's not just counseling, it's steps to help us get closer to God and understanding of His will for us.

God loves ya and so do I!

Heya Hoping...i love your name! Welcome to Oasis...and know you arent here by mistake. God wants to show you some things you havent seen yet..and one of them is that you arent defined by your parents....you will see as you go through these steps that His truth..and what He says about you..and to you, will set you free from the bondages in your mind..your thoughts....

take one day at a time and let Him show you. As these thoughts of being unworthy come, get em out and replace them with what the Lord Jesus says about you..and what He has done for you...to show you how much He loves you. You are so much more to Him than what you see.

praying every step of the way with you through this.

God bless you.

in Jesus,
love momo

Thank you all for your support - it does mean a lot to me.

So I just read Step 2 of the counseling steps - something that I always struggle with is having compassion for others. I work as a pharmacist and I feel like I don't have enough compassion or that I feel numb to the problems of others sometimes and this makes me think that I'm insensitive and heartless.

I feel like I struggle with the fear that I don't care or that I don't care enough - its all too easy to give my money to people who are in need but give them my time? That's a different story. How does anyone do it? How does anyone find love in their heart for someone who even though you know God loves them just as much as you - you have a problem even thinking that they deserve to be loved.

I sometimes think I kid myself thinking I have "forgiven" someone - especially a family member because I still can remember what they have done (whether its been a week or 2 years ago).

I think I don't really know what it is to believe in God - I've grown up in a Christian family but I get scared that I'm just like the Pharisees in the Bible that "looked" like they believed in God but were really just empty shells.

These are just some random things that came into my mind -

Hello HopingonGod

God bless you this day.

Sounds like Step 2 was a very humbling experience for you. The Truth will set you free.

Remember, whatever God calls us to do, He'll provide the means by which to do it. The fruit of The Holy Spirit are love, peace, joy, longsuffering (patience), faith, gentleness, goodness, meekness, temperance (self control).

You are doing well. Keep reading the steps and allowing The Holy Spirit to awaken you fully to the goodness of God. He is right there with you.

God bless and keep you. Wooooohoooooo!!!
In His love,
Sister Mack

Hey Hoping...so step 2 and here we are...compassion is what Jesus had when He looked upon the world and saw the sins and pain that were trodding all around. How do you feel that same compassion...it is to look through God's eyes instead of your own.

As to forget the things that have been planted by others in your mind...that does come from forgiving...and to forgive means to lay it down...but remember the enemy is sneaking and he will try to pull it back up again over and over...so just lay it down each and every time until you can put it away...it will take time...but you can do it...as all things are possible with God.

Praying for you.

luv ya

The more you know about God and how He sees you and feels for you the more your love and compassion will grow.

Sis pray for Him to grow your love and compassion. It works.

Check out the song Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath

Keep seeking Him. Pray Pray Pray....It works!