Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

I have been brought up in a church since I was a child by my aunt and
uncle who are more like my mom and dad then my real mom and dad.
I have never been close to my parents and that has never been a
problem for me but it is for them. I have always been one to fend for
myself I didn't need them. When I was three my sister was born and I
learned at that age that she would be my responsibility. So I would
watch my parents and by the time I was five I was taking care of her
and she was two. My parents have never had any interest in us kids.
But I knew that my Father did and even though he wasn't present he
was up there watching us. As I got older I grew closer to him and then
when I got into middle school that all started to change and I started
to change. I was no longer living for him I was living to fit in. When I
was twelve I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and I started
drinking and going to parties. The summer before I started high school
I stayed with a friend and did nothing but party and smoke. My first day
of high school my sister was born and I started to straighten up. I knew
that I would be the one to raise her. I was only thirteen then. I would
wake up every time she cried and I would hear my mom coming up
the stairs yelling I am going to kill her if she don't shut up. So I would
hurry up and run into her room and grab her before my mom did. I
would put her back to sleep after I feed her or changed her diaper and
then I would go back to sleep. Then I would go to school and as soon as
I got home my mom would be waiting at the door with my sister in her
hands. The only time I had was the summers when I went to my friends
house and smoke and drank and partied. When I was fourteen I started
cutting I was so stressed and that was my way to release it. Also I tried
to commit suicide. When I was fifteen me and my parents would always
fight and argue. I started going back to church and tried to get my life
back on track. I ran away when I was fifteen I was headed to my friends
house. My mom found out where I was hiding out until the taxi came
and she called the police and they made me go with her and as I was
getting in the van the taxi pulled up. I was so mad I was almost away
from them and if the police was not there I would have ran to the taxi.
I also tried to commit suicide at fifteen. When I was sixteen I started
partying harder and smoking more. I got caught shoplifting at the mall
and had to go to an "ABC" class Alternative Behavioral Choices. There I
got close to the leader Jessica and started to open up to her and shared
my poems with her. When I was seventeen nothing really happened I
took care of my sister well I call her my baby and she calls me mom. I
also graduated from high school. On my eighteenth birthday I found out
that my mom and dad were getting a divorce. A couple of weeks later
on a friday my dad moved out and my mom had her boyfriend moved in
by sunday. I left for a week to a friends in January and I got a message
from my mom so I called my mom back and she told me to pack all my
things and get out of her house. So then I moved into my friends house
and then in March my boyfriend now ex got kicked out of his moms
house and he moved in with me at my friends. Thats when he started
treating me bad. Then we moved in with my dad and his friends and
then things got worse. So after six years of a great relationship the last
four months of it was horrible. He was always controlling but it got
worse. He got abusive and made me do things I did not want to do. He
was physically and verbally abusive and that took a toll on me mentally.
I finally got up the courage and broke up with him in June and he moved
back in with his mom and me and my dad moved in with my dads
girlfriend. But as all that went on with my ex I found God again. After all
those years it took something as horrible as that to help me find God
and he gave me the strength to live through it and get away from it and
it has made me a stronger person. Also he has helped me to quit
smoking I haven't smoked since July 3rd and also he has helped me to
quit cutting since October. I still drink and I am still having a hard time
dealing with what my ex put me through.

Thanks for reading this and sorry its so long and comments are welcomed.

Amanda

Welcome to the Oasis amanda sis :) *hug*


Thank you for sharing with us. I know how hard that can be sometimes. But it can be an effective healing tool, as it allows us to bring to light those things that have been a burden on our hearts, and we are able to address those issues and deal with em. Your testimony brings glory to our Lord and is also inspiration to others, who may have been or are going thru what you did.

Im so happy that you have chosen to do this 14 day program :) Im cheering you on sis :)

GBU dear sis, *hug*

Hello Angel...thank you for sharing your heart with us here, you are on the right track now, we are here for you any time to help,and strengthen you,or just a listening ear for you...you have come along way..but the lord will never let you down...He will never leave you or forsake you, He already sees you heart, others only see the outside of what is going on inside...you have been there to rescue your lttle sis,,now God and others are there for you...to make sure that everything will be ok for you...He loves you so much, and I know that as you open up and share all of this, it is part of your healing my dear one....be encouraged and remember you are not alone...

Thanks for sharing with us. I too have had problems such as you. You are welcome to attend our Real Solutions Program Wed. night at 8 pm central that deals with addictions and behavior problems. Also have forums you can post and share. Check out our COOL Studies and feel free to contact any staff member if you need to. I'm thankful God brought you here and I pray that you continue to grow in His love. Welcome to Oasis my new friend. Luv ya. Real.

Hey Amanda!

First, thank you so much for sharing!!!!

You have been through a lot sis. No one can or will deny it. The beautiful thing about it, is God is there... arms open...waiting to take this burden from you... all you have to do is let go. Yes, easy to say.. hard to do, no doubt.. but SO worth it!!! He (His Love) is bigger then anything we face.

I am sorry your parents lacked, I am sorry you feel lost and alone, I am sorry you don't always see the light... I am NOT sorry for you. I am thankful for you, your brokenness is beautiful.. Why? Because the Lord works best in our brokenness. He has great things in store for you sis.

Working through the crud of your past is similar to the Phoenix rebirth... "from the ashes, Pure beauty will be brought forth".

I look forward to hearing more about your journey with Christ sis!!!

I know you are no longer new... so I will skip the welcome... but...

It is so awesome to have met ya sis!!!! I am glad our paths crossed and I cannot wait to see where He leads you!!!

Luv Ya Girl!!!! May He abundantly bless you!!!!!

Peace and Luv in Christ,

Lani

Hi Amanda

Let me start by first saying Welcome to Oasis!
It is so good seeing you are taking apart in the Counseling Steps. I pray that you will allow God to minister to you and to open your eyes to just how Awesome He is and the work that HE can do in us if we but allow him.

You have been through a bit much but know that it is nothing that our Father in Heaven can't heal if you will only allow him too.

Know that I am here for you if you ever need an ear to listen. Keep pressing in and you will be glad you did.

Love you sis
Tam

Hello Amanda

I am glad to see you here doing these steps. You must have a lot of things burdening your soul after going through all this.

I want you to know that guilt you may be carring because of the things you were forced to do, or do when you didn't want to can be laid at the foot of the cross. Because it's for that guilt Jesus died. Allow his shed blood to wash away any guilt. It is his will. That guilt weighs us down and keeps us from doing Gods will.

Love ya