Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Not really sure where to start. I know where my flesh wants me to start but that is really the problem I think.

I have been married for 15 years. Though my husband and I chose one another he was (to be honest I'm not sure if it was in love or lust) with someone else. When I was pregnant with my youngest son he had sex with said person. After it came out I honestly thought his "feelings" for her were over. But several times after he tried to "do things" with her. He has been some what abusive, very selfish when it comes to sex.

I am here because I need help with "feelings" that I have. I am not sure if they are real, justified. I know that they are pretty much eating me alive and killing my marriage.

I need to know if I have truly forgiven him for the affair. I have but because I cant forget it, I don't know if it was real. Plus he keeps telling me I have not cause I bring it up. I have no trust because I cant forget, I know how he feels about sex, where he places its value. It has come to the point that I absolutely hate sex, dont want it, dont want to do anything for him. But I do because I know its my duty as his wife.

I have not been totally obedient with God when it comes to things I know He is leading me to do. Mostly because I have felt and still feel as if I am the only one who is to change. And I have to a point but when I saw that there was no change in him, he could go on with the same behavior and I felt like I was the one who was wrong and that everything was my fault. I rebelled. I have issues and I know that. I need to find out where my thinking is right and where it is wrong so that I can heal. So that my marriage can heal.

Why is it that I know that God say's I'm beautiful, I'm worth something, I'm lovable; I don't/can't believe it because I have learned from my husbands actions? Why can't I believe God's truth? Why do I hold mans truth in higher regard?

Hello gings6, Welcome to the Oasis. We are delighted to have you here. My goodness...I too sis am one to hear what others say and believe what they say. I'm getting better at learning to Trust what God believes me to be and not letting what others say define me...but there are times that I still struggle with this. I pray that you will begin working on seeing yourself as God sees you...and to know that this is the Truth.

I do want to say that there is healing in these steps...and as you work on your own walk with God...He will be able to begin to work in your marriage. You can not change how your husband is, but you can change how you react to the things he says or does...And if your husband begins to see changes in you...then God can begin to work in Him.

Praying for you..come visit us sometime in the chatroom.

Take care and God Bless

Hello gings Welcome to Christianity Oasis.

Wow..I feel your struggle. What a difficult situation you are in. If only marriage was as God intended. But there's the fall and the sin. That hurts everyone involved.

I have not been totally obedient with God when it comes to things I know He is leading me to do.

Of coarse not sis. None of us have. Take it easy on yourself and take things as you can. He says his yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Mostly because I have felt and still feel as if I am the only one who is to change. And I have to a point but when I saw that there was no change in him, he could go on with the same behavior and I felt like I was the one who was wrong and that everything was my fault.

You know he needs to change to. But there's nothing you can do about that but pray. So it's best to focus on you and what you can do to become more of what Christ wants you to be.

I rebelled. I have issues and I know that. I need to find out where my thinking is right and where it is wrong so that I can heal. So that my marriage can heal.

Yes focus on getting out your thoughts and figuring out what is truth and what is placed there by the enemy.

Why is it that I know that God say's I'm beautiful, I'm worth something, I'm lovable; I don't/can't believe it because I have learned from my husbands actions? Why can't I believe God's truth? Why do I hold mans truth in higher regard?

Keep focusing on what God thinks about you. After all in the end what he thinks is most important.

You are a beautiful creation created in Christ Jesus to do good works for Him.

Praying for you.