Christianity Oasis Forum

[jamisfaithnjoy]

Well,for starters,today hasnt really "felt" like a Friday to me.not that I have ideas of what a friday feels like now that im getting older,lol and I usually work them.That leads to my 1st thought here.I've been off the last 2 days.And with God looking down on me,He knows that place is so ummm..how do I say it?mean.there.that's simple and saves me from getting overworked up and being tempted to toss a bunch of bad words out about the way I feel about how they treat me.2 of them anyways.A slight difference though.The one woman,and this is going to sound like im talking in "wordly language" but I have to be able to describe how Im feeling and feel like I can speak without repercussions.At my workplace,if you say "hi" to this one woman, you're very likely to get gossiped about,with someone right next to you! Yes,this happens and frequently.She will talk nice as can be to me some days and even defend me on how the other "attacker" does me on the job but yet she herself will go and talk about me the other days??And about what?Anything she totally desires.And it's not just me.She talks crap on everyone at work,all day, and everyday I have to work with her.I have seriously thought about getting a set of ear plugs or an mp3 player and wearing it just so I cant hear her voice but were not allowed to have them.And I have prayed to the Holy Spirit and talked with him/her when these moments would happen if only for a second to get my mind off what im being surrounded by.Negativity.I cant stand it.Drama?In my non-Christian days,I carried very few friends because thats what it seemed like everyone enjoyed doing.Talking in a bad light about other people.or backstabbing as some call it.I used to call it that before I found out every bad deed or thought has a word to be assigned to it BUT in the end,there's only one word to sum it all up and it's Satan.(I had a insult here to him but chose to delete it because i either read it somewhere or was told it,but it was that if i start actually addressing the evil,it not only isnt a smart move but it actually fuels it like adding gas on a fire so after a little thought,i feel it had to be taken off here.God is with me always)My God knows what you're trying to do with me and all the people you try to go through to break me down and just give up.It wont happen.Yes,I might have had to go to the doctor's and emergency room today to get a grip on what the stress is doing to my body and go back on medication but God was with me there.I feel more like I can focus again now.On the WORD of GOD.On the wonderful fellow Christians I meet on a daily basis through this site.For those who werent in the room the other day when I gave just a very,very small portion of my "life story" so to speak,I had mentioned how I got saved at 19 but yet really knew nothing about it.it was just something that "happened" when I went to church with this lady I call my "grandma" that took me in when I had no where to go when I ran away at a very young age due to very serious physical and emotional abuse in my then household.She took me in,started taking me to church and although I remember enjoying going and looking at the others in admiration that they "seemed so happy" and to be living such "normal lives".With everything in me,I wanted what they had.The peace.Friends.The ability to laugh.The very obvious 'glow" that they carried that everything would be "ok".Sure,I heard stories where some had "problems" but none seemed to be anywhere near the magnitude of the life I had just left(home).They had pretty dresses and although they were nice to me,I didnt feel "ok" with it although I would cordially smile and from the heart,yes,I was thankful but wasnt used to the "nice treatment".I felt in my mind,i remember,that maybe they were just pitying me since I knew my 'grandma' had told them my life story and did love me very much almost like a mother would.But I would pray and pray for good change in my life while I was going to church then.It didnt seem they were answered.I was very young,had no knowledge in Christ on a personal level.Just the stories I had read as a kid in storybook format.And I have always had this insatiable desire to learn.That desire has taken me to good places and I wouldnt say bad places but I've spent many,many years studying stuff that would "pay off" in the wordly world and sure as Im sitting here,I couldve ended up "well off" or at the least,in a whole lot better position than what ive been in for the last year had I chose to stick with my studies BUT..in hindsight,and it taking me to lose EVERYTHING except my life and I mean everything,kids,home,old good job,everything I had ever loved and cherished.battle scars I still carry from them and God is working overtime with me to remove them.if only one by one.When I was studying child psychology,culinary arts and wanting to sign up for every college within a 50 mile radius back then,God was that still small voice in the back of my mind telling me,"Why child,are you wasting your time on all that knowledge that will never make you happy like you could be in me,may pay your bills now and make you glorified in other people's eyes but when I call your number,you can take NONE of it with you when you go".Why the struggles in vain and all the years of trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.Seek me first! he tells me and I will take care of your needs and you will be happy.Being carnal in nature,its at times hard to have a "stick -to-it-ness" sometimes.But with prayer..effective prayer...prayer from the heart as I can feel it move through my bloodstream and a feeling of peace that cant be described...Splash..Splash from here,took some time out of her very,very busy life Ive seemed to notice,lol(love ya) and answered my question I had been longing to know the answer to for so long..How do I pray and who do I pray to..She explained all of this in great detail and even took me to the websites where I could get the most information combined with her all the while and ever so lovingly and patiently,showing me actual scripture from the BlueBible website,how to navigate it,and even some midi music that was very relaxing to listen to as opposed to my contemporary christian alternative music(dont get me wrong,i love my music and that is my actual favorite for about a year now),I felt a tinge of appreciation for much slower Christian music without words@the midi.it was an interesting experience in itself.But I got a feeling that Splash's opening the door to who Im supposed to be praying to ,as opposed to what I had always been doing my whole life,"Dear God",as if I am writing a letter and I do believe God has heard alot of my prayers even though I wasnt praying to Him in Jesus name,..her showing me the Biblical,backed up by scripture,way to pray is going to make a world of difference in my life I know God knows our hearts and he knew I was trying my best to talk to him right but that's the side of me he's working on..perfectionism..even in thought because if you look at my life,it sure isnt perfect or anywhere near it.But..it's where God wants it to be I truly feel.they say everything happens for a reason and nothing happens by accident.I dont know who "they" is or who ever started that saying but I'll have to admit,I do believe it to be true.So if those sayings are true,then I didnt come to find Christianity Oasis by happenstance or "luck",which it does surely feel like luck though because I feel so much better chatting with everyone on here or messaging or what have you as opposed to what I thought my heart really desired,and still do because I believe it's very natural to have in person socialization,,friends face to face to visit with and go do things with, but at least in this town where I live,so far,I have yet to meet any Christians,practicing or whatever the word is for that.Alot of people believe and claim a denomination but dont live it or in their hearts really try to.And Im not posting judgement there so if someone is reading this,dont get that misconstrued with I do have a right to choose the type of people I 'hang out with" or would like to be actual friends with beyond a hi and bye...Who Knows?Maybe God will allow for me to meet some of the very wonderful people it seems on here while Im still on Earth,lol..That would be great Yes,I believe God will protect me and if I keep trying to do what's right and learn as much as I can about him,he will bless me but I also believe he expects me to use my head about the type of people I would choose to knowingly hang with.How do you "not knowingly" choose to hang with someone you're wondering?Very eaily if you're aware of youre surroundings keenly.Like at work,sometimes out of sheer loneliness because no one so much as speaks to me other than job related stuff,when their not gossiping,I will go stand by some and hope for them to include me in their conversation but they usally dont.they keep on discussing the garbage of the day and after awhile I wonder why did I ever even go stand by them anyways.Not only did I not get what i was hoping for,simply someone to talk to me there like they do everyonelse,but now I feel like I "sinned: because I did know in my mind,more than likely before I walked over there,it wasnt going to be a discussion about anything positive and uplifting.In my 3 months at this job so far,I have yet to see any 2 people discussing anything that could make me want to "take it and apply it to my life",not even close.That's another thing I read today on the steps.I have to LEARN to pray for these people and forgive them wholeheartedly and not just 'for the moment until the next time they belittle me" so to speak.I have to completely let go of all the negativity that place(my work) can hold,and trust me,it's a whole lot, and give it all to God and pray He will keep if from rubbing off on me and help me get to a point to where I dont even feel like discussing it with anyone because it truly gets to me to even talk about it because its never ending..UNTIL GOD STEPS IN..and that's when things begin to change..And I know,I can say without a doubt but I do believe it yes,He will keep me safe,make my world wherever I go,a less stressful and even happier place to live in.if only for the time I'm here on His planet he created.Heaven has to be what the Bible says it is because earth is definitely what the bible says it is@gloom,despair,etc..except I can find beauty still in earth..I love sunny days,flowers srarting to bloom,the sound of river beds and creeks,frogs ribbiting and squirrels stopping to look at me when im riding my bike past them..Life is hard but God is good..He knows my heart and yes,Ive been given a natural gift of being able to type when it comes to releasing my thoughts and emotions until I can feel my back saying,"ok lady,time to stop typing and go rest.youve worn me out.",lol..God Bless everyone always I pray

[mlg]

Wow faith...did you have a lot to share I'm glad...and I read such hope in your words..it's so awesome

Just know that as you grow with God the more you will show Him to others. You are now building your relationship with the Lord and learning who He is and what He truly wants to be in your life. I can assure you the closer you get to Him...the more He will emit through you for others to see..especially those at work. Remember God can change anyone...and if you set a Godly example they will see Him...and yes at first they may act standoffish as they don't know what they are seeing...but as time passes they will want what you have...Him in You!

luv ya sis