My Day 2
Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:25 amOk so I'm on day two and I grasp the whole weed thing in fact years ago I was in the back yard physically pulling weeds and God showed me the parallel. So am I supposed to be writing about my purpose or my weeds? Sorry I read step 2 a couple of times but I don't think I am clear. This I know though, I received two revelations last night. The first one when I was dilligently seeking an answer on whether or not to die to the promise and seek a divorce. The Lord very politely said "It's really too bad you didn't seek me this hard before you got married that day. You rushed your restoration out of fear of me not honoring the promise by my spirit and because of that you have robbed yourself of many joys" That hit me like a bomb!! He's right, I had stood in prayers so long that when my now husband was saved and in church I just thought ok now we have to get married before things go wrong again. I wasn't mad it actually made so much sense. I still have no distinct answer about whether or not to seek a divorce but the Lord did speak to me. Later last night in bed I was just in so much pain and I couldn't understand why the Lord would't just let me know without any doubt which way He wanted me to go. I said I am so afraid of making the wrong decision and I was thinking about how I try so hard to be obedient because I never want to blow any harvest that I may have coming. He said "is your obedience out of love for me or fear". Again quite an eye opener. If I am being completely honest yes, I obey out of fear. Out of fear of messing up any miracle coming my way. God wants me to obey him because I love him. I can't quite fully grasp at a heart level that He really truly does. I say it, and I claim it but it's not getting where it should be in my heart. I have to admit that deep down when i am alone I feel betrayed by God, I feel abandoned and let down. There is a verse in the Bible that says Jacob I have loved Esau I have hated. Most times I feel like I am Esau. I was such a baby Christian when God gave me the promise and I trusted Him with my baby faith and it hurts to feel like he revoked it or something. I don't recall him ever saying "Hey after you go through this whole journey and make a fool out of yourself believing what NOBODY else believes, um dont worry cause if I don't keep it I always have a plan B" It's like planting strawberry seeds and harvesting onions. Anyway I am rambling too much and have probably lost everyones interest by now anyway. LOL!
.... i had to laugh outloud when i read that you laughed outloud about your big baby.
