Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

well first of all, hi. i'm Erinn, female, age 18, music major, love Jesus, love music.

so... it was about a year ago that I first found BarlowGirl's Soundpost forum (which sadly is shut down now), and first confessed this to someone... sad to say I think it's gotten worse since then.

So. I struggle with pornography and masturbation. there it is. so much easier to type than to say. i wish there was another word for masturbation because i hate it. it's disgusting. anyway, i've struggled with this (masturbation anyway) from quite a young age, before i even knew what i was doing. it got worse in high school... made me very depressed, i was very insecure and never got that close to my friends because i felt i couldn't fully open up to anyone. so january of last year, i join that forum and i tell someone. that someone is amazing and i talked to her frequently on IM... i still do occasionally. she really helped me to realize things about my problems and God... only thing is, it got harder. it got worse. i started fighting for the first time in my life, but the temptations came back again and again. summer came, i worked constantly. all i ever did was come home, facebook, porn. most of the time, probably. it got so much worse. i stopped fighting. it got better once college started; my roommate is usually present in my room so that definitely deters me. but when i come home, like now, it's just so hard. i haven't quite remembered how to fight like i did during that short time. this is killing me.

i've tried and tried. i've realized that it's not my job to try, but to give it to God. only problem is, the whole summer i barely said a word to Him. i recently made our contact more frequent, but there's still... something. holding me back. i've heard it all. i've read books, articles, i'm taking the setting captives free online course... i KNOW i'm forgiven. i KNOW i need to pray, to read my Bible, to find my strength in God. problem is, actually believing it. i mean, i do believe God has forgiven me... i guess i just mistakenly believe he tires of my CONSTANT failures... lies that i will stop...empty prayers. it's hard to accept His forgiveness when I can't forgive myself. I have an unhealthy hatred for myself. i know we should hate our sins, but my problem is i hate myself along with it. and i've been told that it's an insult to God to hate yourself, and i know. it is. but i don't know how to stop. and i know i NEEEEEEEED accountability. i had some for a time, even if only on IM. it helped a little. i've told ONE person, verbally. my youth pastor's wife. but i haven't even had the chance to talk to her for probably 6 months. i don't know what to do. i need God, first of all, and that's a priority, but really, i can't do this alone. in superchick's words, "i need, i need a hand to hold, to hold me from the edge, the edge i'm sliding over slowly"

i'm not sure really why i'm posting this because i don't know what i'm asking for. i can't find in-person accountability here (that is not to say it has to be in person), but i pray that someone will have something to say... advice... help... i don't know. i've been considering professional help, because it's been, like, 10 years and i'm still struggling, but i don't have money. i'm not about to tell my parents. i just don't know.

well, there you have it. and that's just the short version, haha.

Hello 88keys
Cool name!
Welcome to Oasis.

How many others do you think don't overcome their sin because they to are afraid to say they need help with a sexual sin? Many Many Many.

We all sin. And lust effects us all, only in different ways at times. You'll find no judgment here.

When you are hating yourself you are not walking in Gods grace.

Think of what Paul said when he wrote, "For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do."

I hope you are doing the counseling steps. Stick with them.


God loves ya and so do I!

Hey 88Keys, welcome to the Oasis and the counseling program. We are just delighted to have you here.

I want you to know sis, that you are not alone in the struggles you face. In fact, we have a forum here at Christianity Oasis called SOS and I really encourage you to join this forum as well. It's a forum for people who struggle with sexual addictions, and I think you will find several there who will be glad to help you be accountable.

One thing I noticed is that you talk about how you can't forgive yourself. This is one of the biggest factors sis in being able to accept God's grace for you. If you still hold all your sins against you...then your not really accepting the forgiveness that God offers. So I would like to encourage you to begin with forgiving you. No it won't be easy...but with God all things are possible. I'm one of those who likes to beat myself up over and over about stuff as well...so I know where you are at right now...but there was a time recently that Jesus asked me why I continued to do this when He had already forgiven me...and that He died for me so for me to accept His grace. As you go through the counseling steps sis...make this one of the priorities is to forgive yourself...and accept Jesus love for you. He loves you very much...and He doesn't want you to hurt anymore. He wants to help you. He forgives you.

Praying for you sis. So glad to have you here. Come visit us in the Oasis chatroom sometime.

Take care sis and God Bless you

Hi 88keys Welcome to Oasis. Glad to have you here with us.
Yes we al lhave issues that we deal with and Yes their is forgiveness. We have to learn to forgive ourselves which is hard to do.
Many of us have struggles that we hide behind.
I woud like to invite you to the SOS forum.....that is a forum for those who struggle with sexual addictions. Just a thought.
Once again welcome to Oasis....May you find the GOd of peace and love her.

Hi 88keys4god and welcome to Oasis! So glad the Lord led you here and know that He did, in fact, lead you here...which means you are hearing Him and He is leading and loving you.

we all have sin we struggle with. All of us. The one thing that the Lord keeps reminding me of when faced with shame and unforgiveness is this one question.....was Christ's sacrifice on the cross for our sins enough?

Take advantage of what the Lord has led you to here..such as the cccc steps and the SOS forum and program. You are not alone in your struggles. I pray you will find healing and truth and forgiveness for yourself through them. Its not easy to confess your weaknesses, but realize that you have been led to a place where we all the same..saved by Grace.

prayers are with you, 88keys4god.

In Jesus,
luv momo

p.s. this may be one of the hardest struggles of all...get rid of the porn...put a block on the sights and CHOOSE to not go there. ask the Lord for strength when the whispers and temptations come to go back to the sights and choose to go somewhere else..such as here to Oasis. Welcome once again.

WOW, hi....... nice name, welcome to Oasis, Hope you find acceptance here, I know I have, and lots of friends that are willing to listen. I pray you will be able to Give this to God and let HIM help you. Sadly I have been doing the same as you described, honestly and theLOrd showed me in a dream that He wants to strip me away from all this to bring me out of it, no not proud of it but theLord put help in my way, and i have been able to share it with a few, which was the hardest thing I have ever done. But I want to be pure and right with God if you need someone to talk to here, you can talk to me, or anyone here, We are hre for you, GOd bless sis

Hi 88keys...don't think that your issue is only yours, and you need to know that the worst thing about masturbation is the guilt satan will plant and cultivate in your heart. Part of your spell can be broken by talking to someone in person who you can talk to on a frequent basis...yes you need to be accountable to someone, and it has to be someone you trust, and someone who loves you enough to accept you as you are. God's desire is for wholeness in you, and he never judges you, so please don't judge yourself. Begin a quest to find a godly sister, and don't lose touch with us folks here...this is the beginning of your healing...I will be praying for you

Hello 88 Welcome to the Oasis

i guess i just mistakenly believe he tires of my CONSTANT failures... lies that i will stop...empty prayers.

I hear ya, said similar stuff myself many times. But isnt it an awesome thing to know that Jesus died for us, knowing already the things that we would do in the future. God already knows. He knows our past , present, and He knows the sins we will commit in the future, and yet still He chose sacrifice His Son for us. Such is Grace, so much so that it is hard for us to grasp immenseness of it.

i KNOW i need to pray, to read my Bible, to find my strength in God. problem is, actually believing it. i KNOW i need to pray, to read my Bible, to find my strength in God. problem is, actually believing it.

Put your knowledge into action, for without action the things we know become stagnant and of no good use to us. Start doing those things that you already KNOW will help you to overcome this stronghold on your life. As long as you continue to put it off, the tighter the chains around you will become.

Remember that no one is perfect, and that strongholds develop over time, and in the same way will require time and commitment to break free of. But do your part and know that God is always faithful to do His.

If you need someone to talk with, feel free to send me a PM

GBU