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I posted all this in the behind closed doors forum but I think this may be a better spot...

I haven't posted on here in a while and I thought maybe it is time to start to again. I got an extra push by some people and I want to say thank you to them...

So things have been rather chaotic for me and have landed me in a downward spiral. I constantly feel like I am in a battle for my life and I am on the losing end. It's been so long since I have wrote and I am having a hard time explaining the way I feel right now. It's like the little girl inside is crying out only to be shushed by the person I have became on the outside. I can't find her she is hidden behind the walls she built so high. She's trying to find love but it always turns to pain so she reaches for the blade to make it through another day. She's so last, alone and frightened; she screams yet no one can hear her. She feels unwanted unloved and not needed.

Its weird to be posting I rarely let people in just keep them out. Today has been a rough day. I almost feel like i would rather die if being alive is as painful as it has been. I am under so much stress its hard to breathe almost as if I am being held under water and I am gasping for air.

Feel like giving into temptation really bad. Have been really stressed out lately and am just ready to give up...

Hi angelbaby

It's true. The little girl in you is crying out. She is overwhelmed. She is feeling alone and lonely. Sis, I can't pretend to know what you feel inside but I do know how we can look for that love in the wrong places. I do know how those voices telling us we are alone can torment us...but we have to stop listening to those voices. I don't know the urge to cut..but I know the feelings of pain and trying to release them in any way we can. The ease doesn't last..the pain is still there. This void can only be filled and healed by the truth of Jesus. Start today with today. Let it all go. Give it all to the Lord, sis. He hasnt left you nor will He leave you alone in this.

In the past few days ive been doing the Spirit of Truth Study. Have you looked at it? You will find so much help there sis..and get to know that little girl in you..and get to know what the Lord has created you for...and how precious you are to Him. And also through these counceling steps, you will hear the voice of truth.

love you, girl. Dont give up...one day at a time.

love in Jesus,
momo

Angelbaby, you know sis, I know what it's like when you feel like your drowning, but that's when you gotta get up and surf the waves. In fact Jesus wants to be your surfboard and carry you through the turmoil and trials. Find your hope in the Lord. No matter how trying things are He won't leave you nor forsake you. He loves you so much sis. Let Him be there for you.

There's a song sis...called Hold Me Jesus by Big Daddy Weave. I want to share the words with you sis.

luv ya sis

Hold Me Jesus by Big Daddy Weave

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

CHORUS
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

CHORUS
So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't you be my Prince of Peace

love you angelbaby.
Always have, always will.
Keep your eye on Jesus.

Sorry its been so long since I have responded I have been extremely busy and things have been really chaotic. School is becoming more and more overwhelming and work is tiring me out. I have been in so much pain and am not doing so well.

Awwww angel my sister, I will be praying for you. I know it's not easy, but just know God is helping you through this. May He bring you comfort to your hurts.

luv ya so much

Why keep fighting when giving up is so much easier....

Giving up is letting Satan win.
He doesn't deserve to win.

Fight the good fight.


luv ya

Is it easier? Maybe it seems like it is now, but in the end....it could mean your life sis. Fighting the good fight promises you a lifetime of joy and happiness amongst the trials now, but they will pass away. If you give up and allow Satan to win...well the wages of sin is death and sis, there is no happiness in death...Satan's a big looser...don't choose the loosing team. Choose Jesus team.

Praying for you sis. Come on you can do this...let's finish the race. I'll run with you

luv ya

up a prayer for you to the Lord above. There are many on here that feel the same way sometimes, just remember to look forward not back, theres nothing you can do to change the past. He also said that whenever we feel the way you do right now.... Know this too shall pass. He will NEVER give you more than you can handle! He knows you better than you know you, and that is why you are here... You are loved