Christianity Oasis Forum

[trustthelove]

I admit I am very jealous person, but i am trying really hard to be fair and protect myself and my marriage. So I told my husband last night that I don't like him being friends with girls he knew in Mexico when he was younger. So i asked him that he introduce me to his freinds that are girls that he considers really friends, girls which he carries on a lot of conversations beyond quick hi and bye. He said that he thinks that I amnot being fair that it is not right but he'll do it. He says that is stupid, but he'll do it. He makes me feel really bad, but I don't see whats wrong with what i'm asking. I asked him and he couldn't giv eme an answer.

Than to add to my jealosy he says that he does have conversations that I MAY misinterpret. this is just making me feel worse. He has never done anything to break my trust and I do trust him not to do something, but he is a guy and he is not perfect. i told him it is enough that he finds other girls sexually attractive AND flirt. this I just can't take.

So now he agreed with me, but he makes me feel bad about. he still hasn't introduced me to his friends girls and I don't know how this is going to make me feel. I can't just ignore these feelings. I need to feel protected and safe. Part has to do with my own personal inner issues, but I also believe he has to help and do his part in our marriage to help our marriage feel more protected. I pray to God he gives us wisdom, stregth, and love to deal with this issue.

[Dora]

Is your spouse a believer in Jesus Christ and His word, the bible? Do you both attend a bible believing church? Is there men there that could mentor him and help him to understand how he is to treat his spouse?

Flirting is not ok. And I'm certain he would not find it ok if you were the one flirting or if other men were flirting with you.

If these women are just friends there should be no reason for him to bring you into the friendship.

He needs help. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is not Gods will for a man to marry then to keep two lives. One with the spouse and one with other women, even if it is not sexual.

He probably thinks this is perfectly ok because he wants to continue.

I think you are doing very well taking a look at yourself to keep yourself in line and not be jealous or controlling, but his actions leave much room for concern over faithfulness. You can not change him but you can help him to see this is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Despite what the world says.

Personally I'd tell him to make a choice because I wouldn't live my life denying all others while he's out indulging in overly friendly relationships. His choice is damaging the marriage. The union is of one man and one woman. Not one man and one woman and all his friends.

Mostly I encourage you to seek the Lord and His leading. Perhaps He has a better way. I'm so sorry for your difficult time. May the Lord make a way and repair what has been broken and open this mans eyes to the truth. May He give him courage to be more to His wife and less to others. May God lead and guide you and give you peace.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Trustthelove

God bless you this day. And, welcome to Christianity Oasis.

If I may, I'd like to make some comments, and hopefully give you some godly advice.

I do not know how long you have been married, nor how long you have known your husband, so it's still a little unclear how it is that his friendships with other females is just now causing a problem. If these friendships were from when he was younger, weren't there signs before the marriage, that he had these relationships? ...and, did the two of you ever discuss them, before?

There is also your admission that you are a jealous person:
Turstthelove said:

"I admit I am very jealous person" and "Part has to do with my own personal inner issues,"

You also mention on your profile that you are a "soon to be Mom". Awwwwww, how exciting for you. You, no doubt, have already begun the nesting process, which is awesome, but, please be aware that our emotions can also become heightened and a little out of balance during that time.

Trusttthelove, there is hope -- there is always hope in God. If both you and your husband truly have the desire to make the marriage work, and to follow Him, there is always hope. Yeah!!! Thank You Jesus.

Marriage can be difficult, especially in the beginning. There is a lot of adjusting, and yes...even giving up things for the sake of the other, and for the union of marriage. Selfishness and and being overly jealous can both be sources of division, which is the opposite of unified. Becoming unified is the goal. God wants an husband and wife to become one.

I would suggest that you read the 14 Day Path Study (CCCC) -- it's a counseling type study which helps us to find out more about ourselves and how to build a closer relationship with our Lord, based on God's Word. Here is the link to the Study: http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

I would also suggest that you pray for your husband. Focus more on what positive things you want for him, and less on what you do not want, or want him to stop. Example -- and example only -- be sure to pray from your heart, and really talk with The Lord intimately: pray that he becomes closer with The Lord and that his heart be softened and open to God so that he can be led by the Lord and be the man that God wants him to be.

And, Trustthelove, don't forget to pray to The Lord for yourself, also. He loves you so very much, and He wants you to feel His peace and His joy, even amidst the trials and tribulations of this life.

I am also sending up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your and your husband's behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[trustthelove]

Thank you so very much for the real Godly advice. It makes a lot of sense to me spiritually and practically. Just a little bit about my marraige:

we've been married 3 1/2 years, we've been together almost 6 years (since i was 18 and he was 21), his friends that i'm referring to are in mexico and he just met up with them recently on facebook. Friends of the opposite sex is something new for our relationship. We never really had friends ourside our marriage. Its mostly been just me and him.

Both him and I are believers regularly assisting church almost every week, but he struggles a little more with wanting to follow the Lord.

Thank you so much for your prayers, I will equally be praying for you and your families. Thank you I really need friends like you guys.