Christianity Oasis Forum

[dabs316]

I'm still working on #7, KYM. I'm paying attention when I get these waves of vague negative unnamed feelings. I stop. I am bringing them up and putting a face on them.

1. The next door neighbors outside talking, laughing - my subconscious thought is, I feel left out. But the thing is I have never ever introduced myself to them. They've been there for three years now. I never have because of anxiety so I avoided it. Now, it's been so long, it would be tremendously awkward. My husband has spoken to them when he is out in the yard.

2. I thought about my sister and her husband and how generous they are. She travels all around the world and she always brings me back gifts that are not inexpensive. At Christmas she is generous and thoughtful as well. It brings to light something I'd like to bury, I and (my husband) are not generous people. IF I buy a gift, it would be very inexpensive. I feel guilty for not being generous but also feel guilty spending money especially lately as we are scratching by each month (last year we had a large sum of money from my husband's job which we put towards an addition - even then we spent money on ourselves eating out and bought other things whenever we felt the urge - now we're paying the price). This line of thought then brought up my stepdaughter's and our nonexistent relationship. She is nearly 40 and is married with a stepdaughter of her own. I feel it is up to my husband to invite them over. He is the cook. He never does. I have asked him time and again. He doesn't want to be bothered. He loves her. He emails her and keeps in touch. He rarely ever picks up the phone. We don't do anything that expresses love for her or her husband. If I brought this up to my husband he would get very defensive and be angry at me.

3. So between the above two items, it makes me feel bad and results in these nebulous negative feelings that come back to haunt me. Another result of the above is that because of my behavior, it invalidates me from ever speaking about the Lord. Because where is the love?

I now understand the above needs to be dealt with because they are deep-seated and recurring themes of self-judgment. I need to pray for wisdom in dealing with these issues.

[vahn]

Hello dabs316

Glad to have come across your post . Gives me an opportunity to share a bit -- which by the way is an act of getting "out" of myself , (one way to counter "selfishness") --

As far as your thoughts or feelings are concerned , it reminded me of my own situation where , in my case their mother wouldn't want "anything to do with them" , she had her reasons , though I would not say good reasons , but they where her reasons and I had to respect that , but , however , that put me in an uncomfortable situation , whenever they would call or visit my shop asking for this or that , I would tell them see what mother had to say about about it before I could give them a yes or no answer , and after the second "You do what you want" response from the mother , I wanted to find out if it was to bother her her if I said either yes or no , and , like your husband , it didn't matter either way . Nevertheless , I still had to deal with my being uncomfortable , so I decided to leave the lines of communications open with the daughters . In about six months time , I had to pry the mother off the phone from talking too long with them .

Who knows ??



In Christ , our Lord

[Dora]

hello dabs

I would be so blessed if my neighbors came to talk to me. Even just to say Hi, I like the color of siding you chose.

Even if they look at you a bit funny, I encourage you to continue. Perhaps one day you'll make a break through and if they think you're a bit nuts, that's ok.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

Once again, you have uncovered some flaws or some chinks in the armor, through the shining of God's light on your life. Thank You Lord!!!

So then comes the pulling of the weed(s) and planting good and holy seed.

It's true our soul does, at times, long to be in the mix of things; especially in party type situations where laughter abounds. But, feeling "left out" can be a form of jealousy... and well, that is something different altogether. Jealousy is straight from the enemy, and it twists everything out of kilter, setting it askew.

My advice...Rebuke that spirit of jealousy, in the name of Jesus.

Since you say you don't even know your neighbors, why would you want to be included, other than to receive something from them? Yet, as a Christian, God has called you to be a "light" onto others, sharing Him with them.

Dabs, I do understand though. Sometimes my flesh does the same. Ole Satan pulls a few strings then suddenly I'm jealous. Eeeuuuwwwww, I hate when that happens. So, as soon as I am made aware of it, I rebuke the spirit of jealousy that tempted me, then I repent and ask The Lord to restore me. I had a moment this weekend, where the enemy taunted me a little. But thank You Holy Spirit for revealing what was going on. Woooooohoooooooo!!!

So you say you are not generous, and you would like to become more generous. Praise God!!! Thank You Holy Spirit!!! So what are some of the ways He suggested you do this?

Notice I asked what He suggested? Because it is not going to be the same way your sister is generous. It will look different, Dabs, so don't compare yourself to your sister. And lose the guilt too, OK? Because The Holy Spirit will inspire, not guilt trip you. And when He inspires someone to do something, He'll also suggest ways in which to do it.

Same goes with your hubby's relationship with his daughter and her family. It's wonderful if you want to encourage him and be willing to open your home to them, but don't pressure him either. It sounds like they have a sweet relationship. No, they may not have lots and lots of "face time", like your sister and her child, but theirs is no less of a relationship -- just different.

Ok, I love food...but, the world has really "twisted" the notion of entertaining. We don't have to have a huge, gargantuan party with some elaborate spread of food laid out every time someone comes over. And if you don't cook, just pick up some meat and cheese from the deli and put it on a plate, buy some store-bought potato salad and/or macaroni salad, a loaf of bread with some mustard and mayo, and let them fix their own. It is supposed to be a time of touching base with one another, not a time to "impress" one another. But, if the aim is to replicate someone elses relationship...again, the wrong spirit is involved there.

My step-mother used to send cards for every occasion. Seldom did I go to their house for a meal, and those times that I did...well, I can't remember what we ate. But, I do remember that Faye always sent me cards where she signed both her and daddy's name...well, not his name, but Daddy. You know what I mean

Dabs, you are on a journey to grow closer to God, and to incorporate His ways into your life. And the journey began, because God called you to it. The Holy Spirit of God is working in you to rid you of the unrighteous habits and such, and He is also working to place and build righteous characteristics in you. Sometimes in the process, we get a little confused and want to emulate and/or mimic others. But, truth be told, it won't look the same, Dabs. You are special and unique, and so is our blessed Lord, so the combination of the two -- you and The Holy Spirit -- well, it's awesome. Woooooooohooooooo!!!

There are lots of people in our world, and in our communities that have nothing to eat...nothing!!! Consider buying a few extra cans of food or a ham or whatever God places on your heart and drop them off at the local "Soup Kitchen" Most communities have one, so call around and find out.

Keep your eyes and your ears open to God. He knows exactly who needs what, and He will direct you to give this person this, or that person that. Don't be surprised if one day you are on your way to the Post Office and He says "Dabs, give your coat to the woman over there" or another similar type message.

The Lord just needs willling hearts -- those hearts that are open to Him.

Remember!!! The Lord God loves you Dabs. He loves you.

I'm sending up prayers to our Lord, on your behalf. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[dabs316]

Vahn, Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm so glad your relationship with your stepdaughters is a good one. There is still hope. It is something I will need to talk to my husband about without being judgmental. I hope things turn out as well with my stepdaughter.

Pine, I really feel the emotion in your words, when you say how blessed you'd feel if neighbors came over even to say hi to you. Thank you for enabling me to see things from another point of view. Lol, "even if I look funny or they think I'm a bit nuts" - it is ok. I receive that.

Mack, Thanks for getting back. I am going to look in the Bible to see what God says about being generous. I have a meager mentality that needs adjustment. But God is so generous. If He is my Father and owns the cattle on a thousand hills; why do I insist on thinking in terms of need? I am greatly blessed with abundance. On the neighbor issue, I find jealousy runs deep in my veins. It is releasing it's hold on me. The funny thing is, I was never really aware of how corrupted my heart was. I thank God that He loves me so much He is teaching me to identify it and to REJECT it and receive God's grace in its place. Thanks also for helping me see that my husband and his daughter's relationship is not a face-to-face one so much, but they do love each other and that is special. And, last but not least, I hope I can get to the point of hearing the Holy Spirit's voice and will obey when I hear Him ask me to give someone my coat.

Thank your for the encouragement and insight. I am so blessed to have you.

Love,
Dabs

[Mackenaw]

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

I'm so happy for you as you come to know The Lord and His great love for you. He truly wants the best for you, Dabs, and He wants to help you discover fully His plan and His purpose for you.

It doesn't get any better than that -- to know and to be loved by The Creator, Almighty God.

John 17:3 And this is life eternal (eternal life), that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou has sent.

Praise God! Hallelujah!!!

I encourage you to continue on His path, and also on the Study. The Holy Spirit is right there with you, and we here at Christianity Oasis, your brothers and sisters in Christ, are all here, too, cheering you on.

God bless and keep you, Dabs.
Love,
Mack