Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

My husband and I Have been together for 17 years. We grew up together, in our relationship, sort of speak. We have 2 small amazing children. I am a believer and working on my relationship with god. I lived a very different life before. My husband believes in god, but follows his own path. The first 5-6 years of our relationship was amazing. A fairytale almost. Life happened....things started getting more complicated. Trust issues, mistakes, my reactions to mistakes. Things started to go down hill throughout the years. He told me last November that he wasn't happy anymore and couldn't try anymore. We continued to live together, but were seperated. I kept trying and in February before our anniversary he was willing to try again. He made a huge mistake, financial. Which affected me drastically and I didn't react well. Things started to go sour and about a month and a half ago he told me he does not feel a connection towards me anymore and is so unhappy that he rather not have me in his life. I found out 2 weeks ago he Is with another woman. He opened up to me one night and was specific as to why he felt disrespected by me and why he was so unhappy. He had never opened up like that. Everything he said was true. I had become this negative person. I wasn't giving him the respect a husband deserves and didn't even realize it. I feel like I pushed my husband into another woman's arms. I feel guilty. I feel broken. I don't want to be divorced. I don't want our kids to go through this. I pray everyday, several of times a day, but feel lost and broken. It's like I'm on a train going over 100 miles per hour, trying to stop, but it just keeps going. Everyday feels like a struggle. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this.

Hi Deelegros,

May I start by just giving you a big giant . It sounds like you could use one. Welcome to the Oasis Deelegros. God has led you here and I can assure you it wasn't by mistake. He hears your prayers. Deelegros, I would like to offer some suggestions.

I would like for you to remember the reason you married your husband. What drew you to him, and made you want to marry him? What made you fall in love with him? Those reasons are the reasons to continue to work on your marriage. You should ask your husband those same questions. What made him want to marry you, and what made him fall in love with you?

I think you and your husband need to sit down together and talk, and be very honest about what you want in your marriage, and what your expectations of one another are. Sometimes expectations are set too high and just aren't attainable, as everyone is human. Also, you need to forgive one another. And not just words of forgiveness but true forgiveness. Just like God forgives. Once we are forgiven, God erases the memory of what we did wrong. I know that is hard, especially when a new discussion arises and it's so easy to throw up the past at one another. But honestly that past gets us no where. It's the future that we have to look forward to, and rebuilding the future in your marriage.

And last, work on the changes in yourself that you know are necessary. Again, it's not always easy to face the reality of who we are, as sometimes it's not what we want to hear about ourselves. Just know that the Bible says that with God all things are possible, and that includes the possibility of making you the best wife you can be.

I will be praying for you, May God's will be done for you and your marriage.

Take care

MLG gave awesome advice.