My divorce and remarriage
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 12:03 pmHello,
I need help from people well versed in scripture. I grew up in a non-christian abusive home. My step-father controlling, physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abusive. When I was 16 I started dating a man I will refer to as Steve as this is not his real name. We dated then lived together for the first 2 years of our relationship. I broke up with Steve because I felt he was mean to me and self-centered. (one big example is that when we moved his console TV up a metal flight of stairs, he got frustrated with me and pushed the TV into me. this pinned my leg to one of the steps. In order to free my leg, I had to pull it out scraping my calf on the metal (he angrily denied that he could move the TV off my leg. I shredded my skin in a 5 by 3 inch area and he never showed any concern for my injury that he caused). Because of my childhood, I dismissed this (and many other things) as somehow my fault or that I didn't deserve better treatment. Granted I had my own issues as I was still a child, afraid of the world so became adept at procrastination (lazy) and I was overly jealous. So I am not claiming that I was perfect.
We were broke up most of one summer. I was to blind to see that my self-confidence had increased and my procrastination had decreased during this time, I had enrolled in college and dated a few guys which included Connor (not his actual name).
Steve crashed my last date with Connor. I watched Connor ( a very nice and respectful man) drive away while I dealt with Steve who was an emotional wreck. Though I had no intention of reconnecting with Steve, I ended up going back to him about a week or 2 later. Steve had not changed. He belittled me, told me I was an embarrassment, and after we were married said he did not want me making friends with his co-workers families because he did not want me to become a fat cackling hen.
7 months after our wedding, I was introduced to the forgiveness of God. In a few years after that, I came to understand how He forgives through Christ. (I am a slow learner). Steve claimed a faith in God, but his attitude and behavior never confirmed such. In 2002, I discovered that Steve had had a 15 month affair with a co-worker. Because I had studied the bible, I knew how God felt about divorce. I had confided in a friend (1999) that I wished he would have an affair so I could be released from my vows. So when I discovered the affair, I was ready to go! But, I prayed to my heavenly Father and asked for direction. I felt led to gently confront him and show mercy as God had shown me. Our marriage was better than ever for the next 2 months, then it plummeted right back into the same patterns. Steve had asked me what he could do to demonstrate his remorse. I said new vows and a new ring to replace mine that had been accidentally crushed onto my finger. He never followed through. He did however want to spice things up during intimacy. I was fine with all he asked, barring one thing-sodomizing me. Over a six year period he would attempt to do this and I would tell him to stop. Then near our anniversary in 2008, he just went ahead and fully did it. He tried to discuss it with me that day and I told him no. He claimed other men who were told no would just go ahead and do it and their wives liked it. I raised my voice and said that was disgusting and wrong.
I went into a state of shock when he did this. 2008 had been a horrible year as my family experienced deaths, a suicide, robberies and my second home was burned down by an arsonist. My mind could not comprehend what Steve did amidst all the tragedies and I literally forgot it for over a year. I confronted him 13 months later when I was rolling reasons why I wanted a separation and the memory of what he did was awakened. I truly believe it had happened only weeks prior. In short he denied any wrong doing. I had no degree, though I had over 70 college credits (his career made it difficult to finish and he also made life very hard for me when I was in school). I planned to finish a degree and leave him. We had been separated in house for several months.
He later denied that he ever had an affair and denied any wrongdoing in reconnecting with a an old sexual fling he'd had before we married. He also told me he did not want the marriage. Additionally, for years had taught the kids to disrespect me (a n example is when I needed to discipline one of them by removing computer privilege until grades improved (barring any usage for school work), he would tell them I was being unreasonable) {I have only shared some of the larger issues, there were many more as he had no concern for my health or safety}
Here is my sin.
I became so distraught by his treatment of me and how my kids were rejecting me that I shamefully turned from my faith. I entered into a 4 month online but sexually charged relationship with a man. I knew God was calling me away from it...I finally turned from it. Forgive me, but sadly I fell into the pattern again. Only this time, it was with a christian man, the nice guy I had dated 20 years earlier (Connor)who had also turned from the Lord. In time we confessed our sins to one another and the Lord and we married. We now strive to honor the Lord and this marriage.
I tried to suppress my sin with the online man and figured I would be forgiven. I know this was a wrong attitude and I am wanting to come back to my heavenly father, I am repentant...I see the damage I caused, I see how my actions make a mockery of the Lord, and my testimony of faith. I DO NOT want to turn back to the wrong attitudes and behaviors that led me to where I am now. I have mad a huge mess of things and I don't know how to come back. Sometimes, I feel as if I walked to far away...I have read the scriptures pertaining to adultery. But now what? How can this mess I have created be made holy?
I need help from people well versed in scripture. I grew up in a non-christian abusive home. My step-father controlling, physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally abusive. When I was 16 I started dating a man I will refer to as Steve as this is not his real name. We dated then lived together for the first 2 years of our relationship. I broke up with Steve because I felt he was mean to me and self-centered. (one big example is that when we moved his console TV up a metal flight of stairs, he got frustrated with me and pushed the TV into me. this pinned my leg to one of the steps. In order to free my leg, I had to pull it out scraping my calf on the metal (he angrily denied that he could move the TV off my leg. I shredded my skin in a 5 by 3 inch area and he never showed any concern for my injury that he caused). Because of my childhood, I dismissed this (and many other things) as somehow my fault or that I didn't deserve better treatment. Granted I had my own issues as I was still a child, afraid of the world so became adept at procrastination (lazy) and I was overly jealous. So I am not claiming that I was perfect.
We were broke up most of one summer. I was to blind to see that my self-confidence had increased and my procrastination had decreased during this time, I had enrolled in college and dated a few guys which included Connor (not his actual name).
Steve crashed my last date with Connor. I watched Connor ( a very nice and respectful man) drive away while I dealt with Steve who was an emotional wreck. Though I had no intention of reconnecting with Steve, I ended up going back to him about a week or 2 later. Steve had not changed. He belittled me, told me I was an embarrassment, and after we were married said he did not want me making friends with his co-workers families because he did not want me to become a fat cackling hen.
7 months after our wedding, I was introduced to the forgiveness of God. In a few years after that, I came to understand how He forgives through Christ. (I am a slow learner). Steve claimed a faith in God, but his attitude and behavior never confirmed such. In 2002, I discovered that Steve had had a 15 month affair with a co-worker. Because I had studied the bible, I knew how God felt about divorce. I had confided in a friend (1999) that I wished he would have an affair so I could be released from my vows. So when I discovered the affair, I was ready to go! But, I prayed to my heavenly Father and asked for direction. I felt led to gently confront him and show mercy as God had shown me. Our marriage was better than ever for the next 2 months, then it plummeted right back into the same patterns. Steve had asked me what he could do to demonstrate his remorse. I said new vows and a new ring to replace mine that had been accidentally crushed onto my finger. He never followed through. He did however want to spice things up during intimacy. I was fine with all he asked, barring one thing-sodomizing me. Over a six year period he would attempt to do this and I would tell him to stop. Then near our anniversary in 2008, he just went ahead and fully did it. He tried to discuss it with me that day and I told him no. He claimed other men who were told no would just go ahead and do it and their wives liked it. I raised my voice and said that was disgusting and wrong.
I went into a state of shock when he did this. 2008 had been a horrible year as my family experienced deaths, a suicide, robberies and my second home was burned down by an arsonist. My mind could not comprehend what Steve did amidst all the tragedies and I literally forgot it for over a year. I confronted him 13 months later when I was rolling reasons why I wanted a separation and the memory of what he did was awakened. I truly believe it had happened only weeks prior. In short he denied any wrong doing. I had no degree, though I had over 70 college credits (his career made it difficult to finish and he also made life very hard for me when I was in school). I planned to finish a degree and leave him. We had been separated in house for several months.
He later denied that he ever had an affair and denied any wrongdoing in reconnecting with a an old sexual fling he'd had before we married. He also told me he did not want the marriage. Additionally, for years had taught the kids to disrespect me (a n example is when I needed to discipline one of them by removing computer privilege until grades improved (barring any usage for school work), he would tell them I was being unreasonable) {I have only shared some of the larger issues, there were many more as he had no concern for my health or safety}
Here is my sin.
I became so distraught by his treatment of me and how my kids were rejecting me that I shamefully turned from my faith. I entered into a 4 month online but sexually charged relationship with a man. I knew God was calling me away from it...I finally turned from it. Forgive me, but sadly I fell into the pattern again. Only this time, it was with a christian man, the nice guy I had dated 20 years earlier (Connor)who had also turned from the Lord. In time we confessed our sins to one another and the Lord and we married. We now strive to honor the Lord and this marriage.
I tried to suppress my sin with the online man and figured I would be forgiven. I know this was a wrong attitude and I am wanting to come back to my heavenly father, I am repentant...I see the damage I caused, I see how my actions make a mockery of the Lord, and my testimony of faith. I DO NOT want to turn back to the wrong attitudes and behaviors that led me to where I am now. I have mad a huge mess of things and I don't know how to come back. Sometimes, I feel as if I walked to far away...I have read the scriptures pertaining to adultery. But now what? How can this mess I have created be made holy?
You were seeking love. Love is what we were created for. Now you're seeking love in the correct place, Him. The one who created you to love. His grace is sufficient. He understands. We fight a spiritual battle of the devil trying to get us to fall into sin then running to tattle on us to God after we do. God is very aware of the enemies plot. God is lifted up when His grace is applied to our sinful acts. How beautiful is that. Rest in Him. He loves you and has forgiven you completely. 
God is awesome!!!! 