Day 3
Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 12:56 pmWhen I first started this page....called Forgiveness....i thought, this one isn't for me..my marriage is already over and has been for a long time. And I forgave him a long time ago. As I read further the Lord was speaking to me about that forgiveness and unconditional love. I have forgiven my ex for everything...or have I?
When i look into the eyes of my now grown children.......have I really forgiven him to the point of showing him unconditional love? Although he lives 2500 miles away from us and its easy to not think about it all, and although I don't have to talk to him and really don't even know if hes alive or dead and i don't have to worry about being around him...its my heart the Lord is searching.
I can say this....I know that our Father cares for the fatherless. There have been times I didn't know how we were gonna make it...but He was always there supplying what we needed. When they were younger and in school, when someone asked them where their dad was they began telling them he was dead. They still do.
So, as I read this page my heart was torn. Even though I know this marriage was never blessed by the Lord, the hurt still lingers. I hurt for my children. This is where the Lord steps in and says...'ok...now that we have found that still sore place...know that I was always there. Those boys are Mine. Their hearts and their wounds can only be healed by Me. I am their comforter and healer and redeemer, too. Though there was a mess, I can use that! I can turn that around and bring a blessing into their lives through all of it..and their lives can be a testimony to their true Father...the One Who's never left them, the One Who guides them and protects them and whispers words of wisdom to them when they would hear'
Through this whole thing, I have placed all the blame on my ex. The truth is, neither one of us listened to the Lord. We both set out to do our own wills...without God. He was no more guilty than I was. That still sore spot in my heart has affected me all these years and spoken fear and doubt into my spirit. I came to realize that even though our marriage was not blessed by the Lord, and it was ok to separate what God had never joined, there was not complete forgiveness in my heart for him. My prayer then today is that the Lord would bless him and forgive me for holding this bitterness toward him for all these years. I pray the Lord will heal him and heal my boys. I thank Him that He will use the mess he and I made for the good in our lives..for His purpose and for His glory in Jesus' name. He is in control. Its all in His hands.
till tomorrow
When i look into the eyes of my now grown children.......have I really forgiven him to the point of showing him unconditional love? Although he lives 2500 miles away from us and its easy to not think about it all, and although I don't have to talk to him and really don't even know if hes alive or dead and i don't have to worry about being around him...its my heart the Lord is searching.
I can say this....I know that our Father cares for the fatherless. There have been times I didn't know how we were gonna make it...but He was always there supplying what we needed. When they were younger and in school, when someone asked them where their dad was they began telling them he was dead. They still do.
So, as I read this page my heart was torn. Even though I know this marriage was never blessed by the Lord, the hurt still lingers. I hurt for my children. This is where the Lord steps in and says...'ok...now that we have found that still sore place...know that I was always there. Those boys are Mine. Their hearts and their wounds can only be healed by Me. I am their comforter and healer and redeemer, too. Though there was a mess, I can use that! I can turn that around and bring a blessing into their lives through all of it..and their lives can be a testimony to their true Father...the One Who's never left them, the One Who guides them and protects them and whispers words of wisdom to them when they would hear'
Through this whole thing, I have placed all the blame on my ex. The truth is, neither one of us listened to the Lord. We both set out to do our own wills...without God. He was no more guilty than I was. That still sore spot in my heart has affected me all these years and spoken fear and doubt into my spirit. I came to realize that even though our marriage was not blessed by the Lord, and it was ok to separate what God had never joined, there was not complete forgiveness in my heart for him. My prayer then today is that the Lord would bless him and forgive me for holding this bitterness toward him for all these years. I pray the Lord will heal him and heal my boys. I thank Him that He will use the mess he and I made for the good in our lives..for His purpose and for His glory in Jesus' name. He is in control. Its all in His hands.
till tomorrow