Christianity Oasis Member Forum & Chat Room

Day one had a lot of different descriptions of what a person's single or married situation can be. I didn't identify, really, with ANY of them (o:

Am I a human being?

I thought I'd do it, because I'm interested in other people, and in sharing; and I thought I'd see what it says and pray and think and share about how I really am about marriage and finding out what You, God, really want. And I'd say I have not been honest in relationships, and this is why I haven't been put by You with someone. And so, I thought I'd see what I might get for honesty help.

And, of course, I might be chosen for celibacy, anyway.

And the second day got my attention to being faithful . . . including about what my eyes and mind and feelings are doing . . . not only if I am sexually faithful. There was a lot, too, about making sure we give ourselves to each other, to fully satisfy one another.

Well . . . knowing what my mind and eyes have done, I can't guaranteed mental and eyeball faithfulness, though I consider myself obligated to be corrected by God to be like this, whether I marry or not . . . since we are in any case to be faithful to You, Jesus our Groom. And there would be an issue of if I could satisfy a lady, to keep it simple. I am a pretty quiet person. I consider loneliness and boredom NOT to be a call for action, but an attack against my being quiet so I can connect with God. I can tend to be pretty not into emotions, because I am rather occupied with sensing for God; so I might not really get into romantic emotion etc. But we would be unique, not a clone of what marriage may have been for others; so . . . I keep this open (o:

I have been in love, recently, but this involved "rescuing" myself from her expecting this and that which I knew I was not likely to be naturally able to give. And now I'm back "home" in this gentle and nicely quiet love > Jesus is "gentle and lowly in heart", He does say in Matthew 11:29. So, if we're looking for something elsewhere . . . there could indeed be controlling and dominating emotions dictatorial and the hurts and frustration of not getting what those won't-take-no-for-an-answer emotions expect and demand > "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4) So, unless you really have your satisfaction with our Groom, Jesus, you could die of boredom with me. Satan attacks quietness > he doesn't want us to meet with God there.

As far as her being required to meet MY "needs" > I n-e-e-d first to LOVE her, not try to USE her > I have understood I need to love my wife by encouraging her to do what she does because she is free and satisfied and glad to . . . not out of obligation or feeling guilt-tripped or pressured that she wouldn't be keeping our covenant with each other > after all, it says God desires for us to serve Him "with gladness", in Psalm 100:2. So, I would want it to be good for her. This would be included in loving her.

:o) It says, "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4) Now, we could do wonders with this > each one always using the other to get what each one wants . . . mm-hmmm. But in God's love, I think I would be using my authority over my wife, not to USE her, but to have her submitting to how I desire to love her and do her good. We can be so into our own independence, so that we won't let other people help us > maybe the love meaning of this passage is that we learn how to let each other love us and help us and do us good, instead of being so independently not allowing others to do caring things for us.

And even though he is her "head" (Ephesians 5:23) and even though Paul says a woman is not to "have authority over a man" (1 Timothy 2:12), here Paul is saying the wife has authority over her husband's body, which I would suppose includes having whatever authority over him. So, I think we have some discovering to do, about how love will have us interpreting and living God's word.

"submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) There is mutual submission, I understand in submission to how You have us relating with one another staying attentive to You, LORD our Father. (o:

Step three . . . while I'm actually reading this >

It says, "Marriage is supposed to be all about LOVE." > *correction* is included in loving. Love her, by getting God's correction, maybe through her. Maybe she won't try to correct me, feeling she is being humble by not having authority over me to correct me. But I don't know; I think God can use a wife to correct her husband . . . just not being OVER him, about it. And we can receive correction together, as one, sharing intimately in THIS (o: Getting God's correction together can be more intimate than sex, and bring more delight . . . NOT during the correction with its grief to our selfish nature, but "afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (in Hebrews 13:10)

Next comes, would I do anything to be with the one I love? Jesus went to Calvary to be with us. Jesus left Heaven, itself, in order to be with us. So, if I really love her, I am willing to leave whatever my "heaven" is, of this life, in order to be with her. But ones seem to have "baggage" they have to keep in their lives, while married. I think my wife would be more of an interest, than hobbies and sports and material items. I mean, first would be loving her, over these, so money etc. could not have power > "I will not be brought under the power of any," Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:12. So, if I would do anything in order to be with her > first I need to get corrected, so I am real and genuine and honest in Your love.

I have understood that God me to get corrected and healed into personally sharing with God in His own love; and then > the way God is loving with me is how He is trusting me also to be loving, with all people > since Jesus does say, "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" in Matthew 5:46. But with a real helpmate - - she helps me to love all others as ourselves. So, my marriage is humble > marriage in God's love is "helpmate" to our command to love all people > being married helps me to learn how to love in a close relationship, so I can then be more sensitive and feeling for other people; also being married can make me able to feel for others who are married, and able to help them with how God has helped us, doing this along with her. We love others, by going through things of marriage, so then we can understand and feel for others, and help them with how God has corrected and improved us >

it's like how Jesus our High Priest went through things of this life, so now He can feel for us and help us, also > "For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15) In humble matrimony in the Christian church, we are in this priesthood of Jesus, including how we go through things in order to then be able to feel for others and help them with how God has helped us.

Greetings fellow Christians,

Tho the wording being quoted from page three of this program is referring to replacing carnal and worldly passions, with passion for one's marriage ... Our brother has made an excellent point of how the reader may assume that we are suggesting that someone should care more for their spouse than the Lord, which is obviously not our position, which will be understood VERY well as the program continues and in particular on page seven of this program ... (Just a lil tease)

We have added the following line to page 3 ...

(Besides the Lord of course)

This should resolve this issue.

Luv all of ya

Christianity Oasis just answered my concerns that I expressed, in an above post. That is clear, Christianity Oasis, and I have already edited the above post; so it no longer shows how I misunderstood your program message.

On I plan to go, now > back in step three >

We're talking about how we need to have UNCONDITIONAL love. And 1 Corinthians is quoted in full, about what unconditional love is like > among other things >

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind" (in 1 Corinthians 13:4). What has caught my attention is how it says love *suffers* long AND is kind. A lot of us can suffer, but we aren't kind about it (o: I myself have been able to go through things, but be able to get snippy and sarcastic at others while putting up with things. I can be critical, and this can have me poor at perceiving people and understanding what they are saying . . . or, as we have seen, understanding what Christianity Oasis meant by saying your marriage should be your first passion, meaning to put it above lusts and material pursuits. Holy matrimony in Christ is in God's love, and doing things right in marriage is part of putting God first, since You do want us to do well in our marriages.

There is deeper-than-words understanding, too (o:

Love gives us God's sense (Philippians 1:9) - - - if it's God's love, of course (o: So, my investment in having a good marriage is I trust and depend on God to make me real and honest in His love, so I have His sense for sharing with her and understanding well. Plenty of improvement is needed in THIS department > this is why we need each other to help us find the correction and healing we all need.

Trust in marriage is better than possessing someone by means of their jealousy. But I understand that trusting should come based on reliable testing. And I should expect and welcome her to test me > "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

In the Step three of the program, we have

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Love is not irritable or angered easily.

I can be surprised by what gets the better of me. Yes, I have done ministerial things and have during this time been beaten by a gang, once sucker-attacked from behind, and I went on like it didn't even happen. But if my mother didn't bother to listen to something I was trying to tell her . . . there could be big-time rage. Once a cable company had me on three fifteen-minute holds and still did not give me a code number for a shipment, and I was walking in circles for hours, maybe, angry about this. So > there are ways to find my ego out. Love is NOT irritable.

So, I need more correction of my CHARACTER, so that ALL THE TIME I am loving. I can see that I might not mind being attacked, because I could show what a strong Christian I am. But then not able to handle getting played by my mother and the Internet and cable company workers (o: I mentioned the cable company thing at men's group, and the guys were just laughing and not even listening to what I was saying. Not to take things so seriously ? ? ?

peaceful
sweet
loving
sensitive
beautiful
kind
caring
pure
helping me be this way
thank you, sweetheart (o:

About loving in marriage

Sit down with a problem and talk about it, don't argue.

Always say "I love you" before you go to bed. Make sure you stay healthy, make sure he stays healthy. Even if you're washing dishes or doing some things, go up to the person and say I love you.

A lot of people are arguing, it drives me nuts. It's always nice to say I love you, not to take people for granted. If you argue or say anything bad, always make up before you go to bed.

God bless you, may the Lord keep you safe.

Thank you, Phoofy . . . that is very simple and clear and practical, not like how I can be so theoretical and only spiritual. I read what you wrote to a friend, and she said you seem like a very wise woman.

Now I'm starting the fourth step. Let's see what it says. We have been talking about *unconditional love*, and with this Christianity Oasis gives a quote of the Song of Solomon, about how love in marriage will be; and it says

"the vines with the tender grape give a good smell." (in Song of Solomon 2:13)

There is the sweet smell of the grapevine; I think of the Vine who is Jesus and we are the branches (John 15:1-13). We in Jesus have His sweet fragrance, in His love > "For we are to God the fragrance of Christ" (in 2 Corinthians 15). So, we seek how Your unconditional love can have us being sweetly fragrant, no matter what . . . pleasing to You, LORD, in the fragrance of Jesus > we are not just about pleasing ourselves and each other, but first to be pleasing to God.

So . . . this is for me. Am I like this? At least, I've gotten this message, I'll say.

And be fully ready to forgive, even if we are convinced the other is the one who totally messed up. Yes, I can be so able to WELCOME the opportunity to criticize someone else, and forget how I myself mess up and need to get so much more real with God in real love.

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2) "Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (Galatians 6:1) So, while I may be married, I am in this priesthood of Jesus to have compassion on her while she is wrong and to restore her - - - watching my own self, lest I also be tempted > it could be me, I must not be looking down on her. But if her wrongdoing or failure is interfering with what I want for myself, it sure can be tempting to just be trying to get her back for what I want, instead of first caring about her.

"and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but or Him who died for them and rose again." (2 Corinthians 5:15)

CO writes, "We MUST be willing to show forgiveness and GRACE."

Yes, we are in the priesthood of Jesus; so we married Christians are not only in marriage, but in this priesthood, and we need to minister God's grace to each other so we do better. We do not forgive just so we can keep on using the one we are married to.

CO shares,

But ... the Bible is CLEAR that without this forgiveness and GRACE
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...

. . . We will can NOT be forgiven even for our own sins, by God.

So, we will be doing our self a GREAT favor to forgive all others,
. . . . . . .as well as forgive our spouse's mistakes.

Yes, Jesus says, "'And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25)

God keeps forgiving me, and He is very loving about this; so this is how He wants me also to be lovingly forgiving > "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32) So, first in prayer I need to get clear of any bitterness and evil speaking (criticizing) in my mind against her, then pray forgiveness and grace to her.

I'm finding that if God brings me together with someone, He won't have me being the same person I am, now; so I need to not be concerned with things I can want, now, but be open for how we will each be different because we are together. And instead of compromising with each other for what each of us wants . . . be one and discover together what You please to do with us . . . in the beauty of this pleasantness of love so softly tender and warmly kind and sweet and sensitive and fragrant > be ministering this to her.

amen comfy, Letting God be the car and Love be the fuel ... LOL
(you wont ever have to worrie about snaping the stick shifter or burning out the clutch or running out of gas)

Letting God be our Guide and His Love be our drive ...

His Love never faileth... 8 Charity never faileth 1corinthians 13:8

I read step five. This step talks about how to restore romance to a marriage, how to keep romance going.

I tend to be quiet, feeling for the deep what's going on with God. So, I tend not to be concerned about the outward showing of romance. So, this could be a problem with a lady > she's looking and listening, while I'm checking deeper (o:

Like the woman standing in the pond looking for me, and I'm swimming underwater to her feetsies (o:

But I didn't manage to hold my breath long enough (o:

With someone who was interested in me, I was not going for the romance, but seeing if we were "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21) And she was busy with her list of what she wanted. And the Bible says, "the husband is head of the wife," in Ephesians 5:23. I could see I was not exactly becoming her "head". Now, I a guy have not exactly been interested in being any woman's "head"; but this is what the Bible does say. So, if I'm going to get into a real marriage, I have to deal with this. And it was easy to see God was not making me become her "head"; so all the romantic craziness and "admiration" she might have for me could not make up for this reality.

I myself have been obsessive and compulsive, after being brought up by an alcoholic father and a dominating and controlling mother; and it has been turning out I have gotten interested in ladies who can be possessed with things and controlling. And when I got really interested in a lady NOT like this, she got to wanting to be quiet and find out who she is with God. Well . . . I told her to do that, and I knew if I was a successful counselor, I would put myself out of business, once she really got with God (o:
So, I guess we should say

There are women I get in a liking for, and then I'm going through inside myself if she would want me . . . like I'm a beggar. And then I realized if someone is really God's lady for me, we will have assurance together, not one begging up to the other. So, one who is kind of looking down on me, judging how she sees me . . . not one for me, I'd say; and I need to stop doing this, too I can see that a Christian lady of Jesus could be right around me and she's ready to go with mutual sharing in balance with her man being her head, and she can see I don't get it; so she has to leave me alone for God to make me real so I get the drift > and I don't mean a snow job (o:

God knows (o: We can't fool our way in to the real thing. I can't smart-talk myself. You can't charm yourself. So, let us have the adventure of how God has chosen to do with us, to correct us, and take us where He really would like to share with us. And most of all . . . are we not here to please You (o: Or are we going to try to USE You for what we want?

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

Now we're on page six . . . about finding who my soul mate is. It seems ones have just *seen* the one for them and they have known. I have never known with anyone. But I have felt soul-mate with a woman who is married, but it's a perfect satisfaction thing in the Holy Spirit. I don't even need to be with her. And in God's peace I can feel soul-mate with whoever else is in the Holy Spirit.

Now my main thing is to sense for if God's peace has me connecting with someone for sharing . . . whoever, for the time, then I can let go of the person. And I have been finding I need to discover with relating what is for me and a person . . . versus just knowing, at first > instead, seek God in prayer, and sense and find as we go along. Come to realization, and keep testing and growing and discovering, with no "knowing" to make it too easy (o:

I need to be seeking the LORD, all the time, and not depend on just knowing . . . unless You decide to do this with me.